Stupidity generated 28 years post divorce... folks, it never ends

[HereSince1628]

Forgive me but I just have to report this stupidity. I need to vent this.

28 years ago September, I got divorced. I had three kids, one died. I came from a family with 5 kids, she came from a family with 5 kids.

My son is getting married in October. So my daughter and ex got on the phone with the bride's mother and sister to work out the invitations...They invited everyone on the EX's side--out to second cousins--about 170+ of them, I'm not kidding...The SO and I are the only ones invited from my side. Hmm, that seemed a little prejudicial, but hell, it's not my wedding, I'll live with it I thought.

Then last night my SO gets an email that now "they" are trying to figure out who we can sit with so _I_ don't feel alone or uncomfortable! Ummm. Jeezus, I'm thinking, you cut out all my family and then ask what they can do with her family so as to not make me feel like an outsider????!

Well, I'm thinking, just get me a double Vodka Matini.

Now here is what is really sort of strange. It's my son's first marriage it's her second. To my knowledge the EX isn't contributing to the costs, but is working hard helping on the plans and guest list. Me, from the apparently undesireable family of the sperm donor, is clandestinely covering the cost of the honeymoon because the kids bought a house last winter that developed a serious plumbing emergency and told me they were calling off the honeymoon.

So. I'm trying to stay relatively reasonable about this development and all I can think is this is stupidity. Sheer Stupidity. I thought I couldn't be surprised by this sort of shit anymore I was so wrong.

[nini]

1. I think a little talk is in order with your son

Seems a bit disrespectful especially since you're being generous over the honeymoon..


Sorry about the loss of your other child :cry: I can't even imagine.


edited son for daugther.

[HereSince1628]

4. I'd have thought everyone was long long past being over this.

Now to address it _I'll_ be the one to call foul. I feel like sort of like I've been "Roved."

[nini]

7. Rove. no kidding

Well, I see your point. No use giving the ex any more ammo.


but a heart to heart with your son reminding him your side of the family loves him too wouldn't be a bad thing.


Good luck, My ex brother is pure devil and has done stuff you wouldn't believe. I know of all the games this assholes play even if it does affect the kids.


Good luck and enjoy the martinis :D

[NNadir]

2. They're being assholes, but you're being a prince.

I like the "clandestine" part.

You're a good father. Have the Martini, and have a good time in spite of them.

[nini]

5. Agreed.. he's handling much better than I would

He is to be commended.

[HereSince1628]

6. The SO and I had planned on doing some dance classes

so as not to embarrass the kids or ourselves. I think we'll go ahead with that.

[Katina]

16. that sounds like a good idea

and fun too.

[mwdem]

3. I would definitely have a talk with your daughter.

You're a saint to pick up their honeymoon. Don't be a doormat!

[HereSince1628]

8. So many issues brewing, now.

I'm supposing the EX's new husband will walk her down the isle when the time comes. As it stands I suppose I may be asked to pay for his tux.

[mwdem]

9. You know, weddings should be a time of great joy.

I guess you've got to suck it in and go with the flow. You should have some say-so in this.

[HereSince1628]

10. Now my attention will be divided to watch for IED's in the pew.

Somethings apparently aren't over even long after no once can remember what the fat lady sang.

[mwdem]

11. Just enjoy the day, for your son's sake.

It goes by too fast.

[HereSince1628]

14. Yep, that was sort of the plan.

[Katina]

12. I'm confused

Your son is marrying a young woman who was previously married.
Your ex-wife has joined with the soon to be mother-in-law to do the guest list.
Your ex-wife has remarried and her husband is not paying for any of the wedding.
Why would you ex-wife's husband be walking the bride down the aisle when it's your ex-wife's son (and yours) who is on that side of the family.
Did I miss something? :crazy:

[HereSince1628]

13. No, I'm gearing up for what might come with my daughter's wedding

I'm sure I'm rambling.

[Katina]

15. OK, I get it.

if you have been a big part of your daughter's life, then YOU should be the one to walk her down. If her step-father has been supportive as well, then maybe you can both walk her down for the sake of family peace. It's all about the couple anyway, not the parents. (I'm starting wedding planning for my own daughter, so I empathize)

[hedgehog]

17. Sometimes you have to step back and consider yourself lucky

Your daughter and ex got together with the bride's sister and mother to work out the invitations? It sounds like not only you but the bride and groom have been relegated to the status of observer here. For some women, a wedding is the closest they'll ever get to producing a broadway extravaganza. Just be glad you won't be involved in the cat fights to come!

[HereSince1628]

19. Yeah, there is surely something to that.

[Haole Girl]

18. *sigh* Coming from divorced parents, I saw a lot of

this sort of thing. As far as you "clandestinely covering the cost of the honeymoon," may I dare ask why this has to be clandestine? I mean, honeymoons are expensive and I think you should get the credit or not pay...simple as that.

Sorry, I realize you didn't ask for advice. Hang in there...game playing, such as this, can drive the most sane person crazy! Good luck..and please try to ignore the BS and remember how happy your son will be on his special day! :hug:

[HereSince1628]

21. Well, it's clandestine because it lets the kids save some face.

They talked up the idea of honeymoon a fair amount before they spent a big chunk of what they'd saved on an unexpectedly huge plumbing repair. At that point they were thinking of calling off their trip and from my perspective I felt that it was an awful shame for them not to be taking the opportunity to bank some special memories.

I didn't do it ever expecting any public acknowledgement so I suppose it's wrong to carp.

[nosillies]

23. You're such a good Daddy

My parents still help my husband and me with stuff here and there. They have loads of money, we have very little extra. They don't buy us necessities, but some nice things here and there (furniture pieces, e.g.) that make our home and life nicer. It means the world to us.

So whether you ever want it or not, you get a big pat on the back from me. Things like the honeymoon mean the world to us kids, whether we always express that or not.

[gkdmaths]

20. reminder number 1,850,493

why im not married and childless.

:whew:

:)

[hedgehog]

22. For what it's worth,

My daughter is getting married in her fiance's home town which also happens to be the home town for my husband's family. We suggested that she invite his very large extended family, my husband's large extended family and just my brothers, sisters, respective spouses and children, my parents and her godmother. (assorted friends of bride and groom are also included.) It makes more sense that way since her husband's cousins will be expected (and wanted) at the wedding, my siblings and her paternal grandmother's extended family. The numbers won't be even, but the right people will be there.