A little dilemma: Call her back, or not?

[Missy Vixen]

We got a phone call the other day from a woman we haven't heard from for almost two years. We dared to disagree with someone else both of us know; she took the other person's side, and we thought it best to cease talking with both of them as a result. We haven't missed her much.

Most people would call and be somewhat apologetic, i.e., "You know, we haven't talked for awhile, and I'm wondering if it's something I did." Oh, no, not her. "You haven't called us. I can't imagine what we did," and it went from there. I know that she and the other party have a project coming up next month that they will need help with, and I bet DH $1 yesterday it's the real reason for her phone call.

What would you do? We're torn. I don't want to call her back; I've had enough. DH wants to find out if she will actually apologize for her role in the problems two years ago.

Julie

[sbj405]

1. Call her back. Ask if she called to apologize.

Then you will have your answer directly. If she says no, then there's only less person in your life to worry about.

Does she know why you are upset with her?

[amitten]

2. Well, what would Patrick Fitzgerald do...?

:P

[Missy Vixen]

7. That's a good question, amitten

I'll have to give this one some thought! In the meantime, enjoy ;-).



Julie

[idgiehkt]

3. DH wants a social experiment?

LOL...let him call then. I just had to take an eraser and wipe out my whole chalkboard of friends from a certain area of interest a few months ago...I can't imagine re-engaging with any of them at this point. It doesn't sound to me like it's worth sating curiosity about whether you would get an apology or not.

I'm actually in a similar situation with someone...After I took a campaign of hers and ran with it and actually got something done about an issue that needed attention, she got all weird. In fact, alot of people got weird. Not because what I did was bad, but because I didn't do it 'their way' or ask permission beforehand...or some psycho weird girl-gang groupthink b.s. like that, I've never been able to figure it out. Following that, I got a friend at a website to change the tone of an article he was going to do from mocking to benign, on account of that some people being referenced in said article were young friends of mine. At this point the person in question and another friend went pretty much outer limits...to this day there is an e-mail I received from one of the two women that I can't read without crying...it's that bad, and it's been months. So I cut off contact that day....but an interesting thing happened later when one of these friends wanted something brought to the attention of a group of people (someone had told a lie about her she felt) and she apparently felt I was the only one with the cojones to point this out, so after all the name calling and gnashing of teeth I get a contact hinting at her wanting me to get involved in that scene again and take on the head honcho, which apparently none of her other friends have the balls to do. It's astounding, isn't it? I can totally relate. It just sounds like she's a user. I know for a fact that when it comes to this group of people, I am whupped. They are better at this stuff than me so I stay out of it. I hate drama...

[Missy Vixen]

8. This is exactly what happened to us as well

>I just had to take an eraser and wipe out my whole chalkboard of friends from a certain area of interest a few months ago<

I'm being deliberately vague. I don't believe any of these folks read DU, but I don't need to get in a word war with any of them if it's possible.

We were formerly involved in an organization with all of these people. What was a pleasant and fun interest to us rapidly turned into slave labor for their organization. The initial disagreement came as a result of the original person's refusal to do any of the work and delegating it to the 10th power to others. DH works a 60+ hour week at his job. I owned a business. To say that we were pretty busy already was an understatement, then we were expected to attend meetings that ran till midnight multiple times per year, and take four days off twice a year to assist with their functions. Neither Person #1 (the original problem) or Person #2 (the woman who called the other day) has a job outside the home. I should also explain that this type of commitment was never made clear when we were initially approached to join.

When we finally confronted Person #1 about her behavior towards us, she involved everyone in the organization. To say that we were ostracized and mocked openly is an understatement. This is why we severed contact with the entire group of people. This is why we are mystified as to why #2 is now calling us. They have a function coming up next month that they need help with. I'm sure this is a "let's let bygones be bygones, we need help" moment.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. It is rough to basically disassociate oneself from an entire group of people one once thought were friends.

Julie

[begin_within]

4. What good could possibly come out of talking to her, at all, ever again?

[Missy Vixen]

9. I'm with you

Life's too short to spend it with people that care more about what you can do for them than they do about you.

Julie

[Floogeldy]

5. Need more facts.

You are the one that stopped calling her. What does she have to apologize for? Disagreeing with you at the time you disagreed with a mutual friend? About what?

Not enough information.

[NC_Nurse]

6. If she really wants to reconnect

she'll call back.
If not, it really depends on whether you feel it's worth the effort. If you haven't missed her...I think I'd let it go.
I would really hate to make an effort and then get asked to help on some project right off the bat. How transparent is that?
If you think she's really that self-centered - don't bother.