Examples:
"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe..."
by Mother Goose
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do;
She gave them some broth without any bread,
She whipped them all soundly, and put them to bed.
Well, if she stopped having children, she'd be able to feed them better... as for whipping them, wouldn't that require the intervention of child services and put that stupid kid beater behind bars?!
"Polly, put the kettle on..."
by Mother Goose
Polly, put the kettle on,
Polly, put the kettle on,
Polly, put the kettle on,
And let's drink tea.
Well, if that's not sexist, what the hell is?!
Rock-a-bye, baby, In the tree top: When the wind blows, The cradle will rock; When the bough breaks, The cradle will fall; Down will come baby, Cradle and all.
Okay, who would be dumb enough to put a cradle (with the baby in it) up in a tree top? How'd they hoist it up there? Was this one of Michael Jackson's distant relatives who did this?
"The rose is red..."
by Mother Goose
The rose is red,
The violet's blue;
Pinks are sweet,
And so are you!
Man, if only foreplay was as easy these days!!
"Simple Simon met a pieman..."
by Mother Goose
Simple Simon met a pieman
Going to the fair;
Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Let me taste your ware."
Says the pieman to Simple Simon,
"Show me first your penny."
Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Indeed, I have not any."
Simple Simon went a-fishing
For to catch a whale:
All the water he had got
Was in his mother's pail!
If this doesn't describe nefarious and really gross activities, what would?! :wow:
"Mistress Mary, quite contrary..."
by Mother Goose
Mistress Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With cockle-shells, and silver bells,
And pretty maids all in a row.
That's one hell of a garden. Next thing you know, Lucy will be in the sky with diamonds... :crazy: :smoke:
Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man!
So I will, master, as fast as I can;
Pat it, and prick it, and mark it with T,
Put it in the oven for Tommy and me.
Hmmm, that reminds me to return the "blue movie" I rented from the adult novelty shoppe a month ago... Mind you, I'd rather they spank me than for me to have to pay the fine...
"Little Miss Muffet..."
by Mother Goose
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating of curds and whey;
There came a spider,
And sat down beside her,
And frightened Miss Muffet away
Miss Muffet later invented Raid brand bug extermination spray and the rest, as they say, is history.
"Jack and Jill went up the hill..."
by Mother Goose
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water;
Jack fell down, and broke his crown,
And Jill came tumbling after.
Hmmm, what were they doing together that required the water? :evilgrin:
"Jack be nimble..."
by Mother Goose
Jack be nimble,
And Jack be quick;
And Jack jump over
The candlestick.
I think this was to defer homosexuals...
"Ding, dong, bell..."
by Mother Goose
Ding, dong, bell,
Pussy's in the well!
Who put her in?
Little Tommy Green.
Who pulled her out?
Big Johnny Stout.
What a naughty boy was that,
To drown poor pussy-cat,
Who never did him any harm,
But killed the mice in his father's barn!
No comment.
"A cat came fiddling out of a barn..."
by Mother Goose
A cat came fiddling out of a barn,
With a pair of bagpipes under her arm;
She could sing nothing but fiddle cum fee,
The mouse has married the bumblebee.
Is everybody sure nobody used drugs prior to 1967?
"Baa, baa, black sheep..."
by Mother Goose
Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full;
One for my master,
One for my dame,
And one for the little boy
That lives in our lane.
That sheep really gets around, doesn't it...
"Little Jack Horner..."
by Mother Goose
Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner,
Eating his Christmas pie.
He put in his thumb,
And he pulled out a plum,
And said, "What a good boy am I!"
Must be one heck of a plum...
"Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town..."
by Mother Goose
Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,
Rapping at the window, crying through the lock,
"Are the children in their beds, for now it's eight o'clock?"
People were REALLY sick during the late 1800s... (shakes head in embarrassment...)
"Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn..."
by Mother Goose
Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn.
The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn.
Where is the boy that looks after the sheep?
"He's under the haycock, fast asleep."
Will you wake him? "No, not I;
For if I do, he'll be sure to cry."
Good grief...
"Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall..."
by Mother Goose
Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall;
Threescore men and threescore more
Cannot place Humpty-Dumpty as he was before.
Anyone else hungry for an omelet? :9 With all those men, who wouldn't be? :rofl:
"Little Bo-peep has lost her sheep..."
by Mother Goose
Little Bo-peep has lost her sheep,
And can't tell where to find them;
Leave them alone, and they'll come home,
And bring their tails behind them.
Little Bo-peep fell fast asleep,
And dreamt she heard them bleating;
But when she awoke, she found it a joke,
For they were still a-fleeting.
Then up she took her little crook,
Determined for to find them;
She found them indeed, but it made her heart bleed,
For they'd left all their tails behind them.
Good grief, why did the crook chop off all their tails?! :wow: And why did she fall asleep, knowing full well they were still running away? (maybe they weren't fond of her sheepherding services?)
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