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Let me start by saying, I will endeavor to keep this real short as the story of my life up to this point is pretty crazy and long.
11 years ago I split with the X and moved from Ohio to California. I left her, and over the course of two months I did try to reconcile a few times - for the sake of my 3 little boys - 9, 7, and 5 years old.
Well that was not working (asked three times, she didn't want to, so I kept moving on). We remained on speaking terms and actually got along fairly well. Being so far from the boys hurt a lot so I would drive back here often and spend time with them on weekends.
Eventually my heart hurt so bad I moved back here with a wonderful woman I met out in CA.
The first signs of trouble were when I brought her back here to see if this is where she would be ok living (and to meet the folks, we would be living with them while I got a job). I called the X and told her I would be here for a week and wanted to take the boys the whole week and go do fun stuff. She really did not like them having fun with me, saw it as unfair (because she had to make them do school work and such and with daddy they always had fun, albeit only a few days out of the YEAR).
We drove back here and I called her letting her know I was back, and wanted to pick up the boys the next day. She said no, they did not want to see me, but I could visit them at McD's for lunch. This is where things went downhill.
Now let it be said here that she had found a new man in her life, and it turns out he was pretty psycho I later found out. But I digress.
Ok - over the next two years I kept trying to see them, talk to them, etc. No dice. I had visitation rights, they were ignored. Finally I called her and told her I was taking her to court, and she agreed to meet me to discuss.
She said the kids would claim physical and sexual abuse by myself and my parents (who never got to watch the kids until after I was gone, ever, until she needed a baby sitter - the kids loved em). I ended up signing over custody to her and her new husband to save my kids tons of court battles and hell. Better me to suffer then they.
She never turned over the paperwork to child custody folks and so I kept paying child support for two years until one of them believed me (they thought I was lying) and looked into it all. She owed me a few thousand dollars which they admitted I would probably never see (and never did).
Time goes by....... Last year, my youngest son called me. Last October to be exact. My X wife had died on July 4th in the night. He blamed me. We talked a few times (was first time I had heard his voice in 8 years) and he said he loved me and wanted to meet me. Then changed his mind (long story there too).
Almost a year goes by. I am on vacation in Indiana and my dad calls me. "Guess who I am sitting here talking to?" I had no idea. It was my oldest son, Joshua. I was stunned. My youngest said he had no desire to ever talk to me, and that my other son wanted to shoot me.
We talked. And talked. I bought a 12 pack, called back, he was still at dad's, and we talked some more.
He wanted to find me to tell me I was going to be a grandpa soon. And because through it all, he knew I was not a bad dad.
today Now he & his wife live with my wife and I while getting on his feet. Baby will be here Monday or Tuesday.
he has talked to all of the X's and mines friends from over the years of late. And my X mother-in-law, brother-in-law, and more have all told him the same thing. I was good to his mom and to them. The X mom-in-law even said her daughter would be alive today had we stayed together, and that her daughter with the new jerk would be better off with me.
My X and her hubby lied to the kids about many things, and the youngest two are convinced they were abused, even though their brother and others say they were not. It was a control game - and sadder still the X was a strong woman, control freak herself, and she let this guy get the best of her and ruin her life. She knew she was probably going to die (she only had half a kidney her whole life, her heart was bad, etc) and had told two others she was going to divorce him soon to make sure he would not get the kids and their daughter if she died.
And she knew too that the things she told the kids about me was wrong. And told her best friend if she died and Joshua wanted to find me, that was more than ok by her.
I hated her for years for tearing them away from me. But I was, and still am, sad she died (we spent 10 years together). I hated the lies too.
I was back here one time and found out she had lost a baby girl she was carrying. I went to the hospital to see her, gave her hug. I did not know it at the time but she was seeing that guy - and came to find out recently he never went to see her in the hospital 'It wasn't my kid, why should I go?' he told people (he met her while she was pregnant).
She also promised the boys they could call and see grandma the year before (mom found out where they had moved to and called her). They were all excited. But she never followed through, and when mom died they were devastated as they never got to come and hang out again.
So here we are today. My son and his wife are brining a new life into the world. I am excited, and sad all at the same time. Sad my mom won't see it. Sad the X never got to be a grandma. And sad because I can only be at the hospital at certain times in case my other two boys and their step dad show up (which I doubt he will as he does not like my son, changed his number, and threatened their grandmother with moving the X's grave and not telling her where, and even worse things...)
I hope I am a good grandad (I am 40), and I hope things get better for all my kids and theirs. For the first time in many years I will spend a christmas morning with my Son, and now too with his daughter.
Life. It's a damn weird thing (and I haven't even touched the surface....)
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