WCGreen
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Sun Sep-24-06 09:40 PM
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My next Poem for the Creative Writing Class I am taking.... |
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Your pillow is nothing but piles and piles of dust mite shit
He sneared down at baby sister sitting looking at him with innocent indifference pillow in hand sucking thumb wisps of linen fine auburn hair atop pony tail like flopping with each pucker
You were adopted he added just because
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Sun Sep-24-06 10:52 PM
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Is this perhaps autobiographical?
And there's one word that you might want to correct........sneared is really sneered.......
The feeling of chilhood jealousy is well captured here!
:hi:
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WCGreen
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Mon Sep-25-06 03:47 AM
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10. No, it's not autobigraphical... |
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WE had no idea what dust mites were back then...
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idgiehkt
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Sun Sep-24-06 11:33 PM
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sucking thumb wisps of linen fine auburn hair atop pony tail like flopping with each pucker
I can see it. It's like a twisted version of Peanuts, did you really treat your sister this way?
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WCGreen
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Mon Sep-25-06 03:45 AM
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Bucky
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Sun Sep-24-06 11:44 PM
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3. I'm curious about the removal of the word "the" from modern poetry |
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It often seems to throw off the natural rhythm of the language and, for me anyway, draw attention away from the imagery.
I do feel that moment, but the phrase "dust mite shit" seems a little too flip for the rest of the poem's mood.
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Redstone
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Sun Sep-24-06 11:50 PM
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6. I agree with your assessment. |
WCGreen
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Mon Sep-25-06 03:46 AM
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9. It was part of the assignment... |
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Write poem with out punctuation....
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Evergreen Emerald
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Sun Sep-24-06 11:46 PM
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Redstone
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Sun Sep-24-06 11:49 PM
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5. Ah, my friend? May I point out that the word is "sneered," not |
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"sneared?"
Just trying to be helpful.
Redstone
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WCGreen
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Mon Sep-25-06 03:45 AM
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LiberalHeart
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Mon Sep-25-06 04:44 AM
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11. Advice from a creative writing professor... |
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Years ago I wrote poetry with lines about as long as yours. My professor insisted that I write longer lines because I would then see my work improve. He was right.
When you have an hour or so with nothing else to do, maybe you'd enjoy giving it a try.
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miss_american_pie
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Mon Sep-25-06 06:52 AM
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