What do women like, in terms of a guy's personality?

[Deja Q]

Confidence, without arrogance, is an obvious one.

Taking time to listen is another.

As is bestowing appreciation, which is a given.

How much is appearance weighted? (Men, especially gay men, are dominant in terms of appearance. While visual, many men do lack other qualities I have found desireable - e.g. emotional depth.)

Emotional depth, how crucial is this?

How about living outside the box? Or, rather, trying to expand one's self and keep pushing at the boundries of said box? To keep improving and growing and taking personal risks?

I will never be able to understand human nature completely, but I always did find psychology to be a fascinating course.

[belladonna]

1. Out of all of those, appearance is of the least importance to me

What I like more than anything is just a man who can make me laugh... seriously! If you're fun to be with and you can make me smile, even on a crappy day, it makes up for just about everything else.... well, just about anything :shrug:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

2. Wit.

I like people, male or female, who can slay me with a razor-sharp wit. There's nothing quite like laughing your ass off over a bit of cleverness.

[EFerrari]

7. Yes. First wit, second, comfort in his own skin.

Two toughies.

[Deja Q]

31. The first is subjective to what one finds to be humorous. The second

is dependent on that person's own past.

And there are scenarios which create the most painful vicious circle...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear Hypno!

My answers are in this thread:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=5674597

Hope this helps, sweetie........

:hug:

[Deja Q]

5. Thank you!

:hug:

[Omphaloskepsis]

4. I'm male. I have gone the asshole route for the last 15 years...

Doesn't work very well. /sigh/

[Floogeldy]

6. Women like guys they can smack around and be rough with.

Well, at least, that's what I would like.

[EFerrari]

8. (You're giving it away!)

[Floogeldy]

9. Why don't we just get it out in the open?

Slap me! ;)

[EFerrari]

10. Sorry, I'm already committed.

lol
:)

[Deja Q]

11. Which mental hospital are you in?

:spray:

[EFerrari]

12. I was HOPING someone would ask. The food is bad here

and the vending machines underserviced.



:)

[Floogeldy]

14. Slapping is not cheating!

:evilgrin:

[EFerrari]

17. See? There's that post modern moral relativism -- trouble!

Every time! :evilgrin:

[Floogeldy]

18. As opposed to pre-modern moral relativism?

It is not like we go public about concubines these days. That's different!

Okay, a kidney punch?

:P

[XemaSab]

13. I like REALLY smart guys

who can hold down a conversation about anything.

[Floogeldy]

15. So, XemaSab, how about that Ninth Amendment to the Constitution?

Whew! :smoke:

[Deja Q]

16. Is this the same situation as 'engaging in small-talk'?

[XemaSab]

19. I dunno about small talk

Here's an extreme example of the opposite of what I'm talking about.

Jenn: Hey, you want to go see Hamlet tonight?

Jenny: Huh?

Jenn: Hamlet. They're having a show at the park.

Jenny: What's Hamlet?

:eyes:

Or to give a more general example, I want a guy where I can say "Hey, did you see that article about _____ in the NYTimes?" and there's a reasonable chance he'll say yes. Or a guy where I can say "Hey, you read ______?" and he'll at least have some likelihood of having HEARD of the book.

In short, not an ignorant dumbass.

[Floogeldy]

21. You are a whirlwind of non-specificity.

An article about ____________?

You read _________________?

Whew!!!!!!!!!!!

Tough standards.

"Guess what I'm thinking."

[XemaSab]

24. Fill in the blank....

an article about tacos, an article about Howard Dean, an article about football, an article about paddling in schools, an article about water in India....

I have read all these articles and more in the past week in the Times. :shrug:

[flvegan]

20. Basically, everything that I'm not.

let me be a lesson to you all...

[belladonna]

22. You are so full of crap

Just saying....

[LeftyMom]

23. You are a wonderful listener.

So shut up. :P

Oh, and you're hot, in case you haven't noticed that I think so. :loveya:

[Deja Q]

29. I think that's what he means.

[BarenakedLady]

25. all that stuff you mentioned

is most important (non-arrogant confidence, good listener, and appreciative). I have yet to find that. Emotional depth is next and then appearance. I crave someone who has a good sense of humor (dry, sarcastic and satirical), interest in world events, a kindness of those around him. Someone who makes me want to strive to be a better person (sounds a bit cliche, I suppose). I'm attracted to artistic people. I don't know, I've pretty much given up on that person existing at this point.

[Deja Q]

30. Oh, such people like that exist. Here's the problem:

Such people are so few that you'd think they'd be spotted in a crowd instantly.

However, if I am anything to judge by, the artistic types have bruised souls and tend to shy away from people and social situations. Art comes from the soul; art is generated by one's internal maligned moments. Because art is expression. And most people are not artistic because they're as tedious as snot on a doorhandle, and/or lack some form of traumatic background that gives them a creative edge. (oh, bullies end up being accountants, lawyers, or politicians too...)

Woody Allen is one of the funniest guys ever. He's also a bit of a sicko for marrying his adopted daughter. Still, nobody's perfect. Now if he didn't make "Annie Hall", his subsequent movies wouldn't have been so psychotic in intent and he probably wouldn't have gone after young girls, what do I know?!

Paul Lynde - absolutely hilarious. But I recently found out he was a bit prejudiced too. :(

Robin Williams - just as hilarious but for other reasons. His early sitcom even dabbles with a nice social awareness issue. Unfortunately, he turned to alcohol frequently for relief of something fairly traumatic; alcohol does give a faux sense of relief...

Vincent Van Gogh - one of the world's best painters. Amongst other things, this psycho cuts off his own ear.

William Shakespeare - one of the world's best writers. Well, it's been suggested he got somebody to do the work for him (who some believe was a gay lover, no less!)

Picasso - where do I begin?

Henry VIII - probably a good king, but he just couldn't keep his fly zipped up. Make a choice, dude - being a king was no excuse...

Nero was a bit of a nutter, wasn't he? Emperor of Rome, quite the position to be in at the time, he sits back and watches it burn like bacon while he plays a cheaply made fiddle. yawn.

[BarenakedLady]

43. Oh yes

"artistic types have bruised souls and tend to shy away from people and social situations." That is exactly true, at least for me. It is also hard for me to open up to people. It takes a long time for me to trust. Trying to make it work with a male equivalent is a very difficult task if we are both dealing with the same "issues". Heh. Maybe that's why I married a computer programmer. :rofl: Seemed an easier option.

[Deja Q]

49. You think it's funny?

:spray: (Oddly enough, it is contagious...)

[BarenakedLady]

53. I laugh

So I don't cry.

:evilgrin:

[pitohui]

26. ok i'll try

i don't think we fully know what pulls us toward another person -- attraction is a magnet -- but here is my best guess

1) NON sarcastic sense of humor, a cruel or sarcastic sense of humor spoils the affect because sarcasm is all about how the guy is more intelligent than the other guy, to be witty without sarcasm is a rare rare gift (if i may brag, this one of the great gifts possessed by my husband)

2) intelligence and insight

3) yeah, ability to listen, there is actually no insight without the ability to listen, some guys don't know that though

4) living outside the box not so much, it's better if a guy can play the game rather than fighting the game as far as security issues, so the rebel w. or w.out a cause thing is better for casual relationships but not the "real thing"

5) emotional depth is not something possessed by the guy, it's something in our heads we impute to the guy, do you get what i mean? if we're already attracted to the guy, he has depth, if we think he's creepy, he don't -- you see what i'm getting at? :-) so have the emotions you have and if someone judges you as deep or shallow it's sort of beyond your control

6) appearance is of little value for a long term relationship, a look around should tell you that a man who can prove himself financially or intellectually or both (think woody allen) can be fairly physically freaky w. no problem, just keep clean, it's respectful to keep your body in decent shape but don't think looking like fabio (god, am i old or what? :-) ) is going to get you anywhere long term altho it will prob. get you many places for a night or two

[Deja Q]

32. Fascinating...

And my responses:

1. Irrefutable.

2. A fair assertion.

3. Some guys don't, but still try. Does that count for anything?

4. It's sad how few men want the 'real thing', but that's their problem.

5. I have a PDD known as "Asperger's Syndrome". I do not see what you're getting at. Give me time, I'll have figured it out eventually. :)

6. These days, there is no such thing as financial stability. Especially for the middle class. Anyone intelligent has to submit to recognize that cruel reality. Hell, Donald Trump is the biggest fiscal loser of them all and he still gets women all over the place. #6, then or now, is a farce. So what does Donald have that keeps people from thinking he's a loser and even buying all those "How to make it rich" books he keeps pumping out, despite his two declarations of bankruptcy?

[Dem2theMax]

27. Sense of humor, # 1.

I've tried to make a list twice and both times I've deleted it. I'd want someone with a good heart and soul. Someone who would take care of wounded animals. Someone who would rather spend a week in the middle of nowhere, camping, than going on an expensive trip. Someone who cares little for money or possessions. Someone who loves to read. Someone who sees everyone else in the world as his equal in every way. Kindness, compassion and tenderness.

Someone with these qualities would be so beautiful on the inside, it wouldn't matter at all to me what they looked like on the outside.
Looks mattered to me somewhat when I was younger. But at the same time, I was always able to see past the 'window dressing' and see that many people were much more beautiful on the inside and therefore, much more interesting to me.

Emotional depth - being able to love and to love all humankind.

Living outside the box - my idea of outside the box is to live simply. To NOT have to have everything that everyone else has or wants. To keep caring and fighting for the human race and the planet are much more important to me than personal risks. If one cares more about others than themselves, the improving and growing will happen on its own.

Of course, I've learned all this the hard way. And now I'm an old broad of 50 and as far as I'm concerned, that part of life is over.
It's just me, for as long as I have left on the planet.

But if I had to do it over again, these are the things I'd be looking for.

[Heidi]

28. Kindness is Number 1. It's a deal-breaker. (nt)

[vickitulsa]

33. I just realized after reading the responses,

down through #28, Heidi's, that your original question in the OP may have a built-in flaw. Well, maybe not a flaw, but here's the thing:

What one person looks for in another, in terms of personality or anything else, is not gonna be what someone else will look for. We can offer either generalities or specifics, but our specifics are specific to US, and that limits their usefulness to YOU.

So if you're interested in what qualities one particular person might want in a "special friend," it would only help you if you could learn what qualities THAT person likes.

Reading the varied responses here might help, though, and sure is interesting.... ;)

Why is it I've gotten to know more DUers a lot better in the Lounge in a couple of weeks than I have in all the rest of DU in over a year?................ :)

And am I going to keep answering a question with a question all day because of that other thread?? :crazy:

[Heidi]

34. Hi, vicki!

You live in one of my favorite places on earth, gf. :hug:

[vickitulsa]

36. Awww ... thanks, Heidi, and I agree with you

about it being a great place to live! :hi: :hug:

That's why I re-settled here after my ramblin' rovin' days were through -- or at least put on a long pause. Just parked my motorhome in the coolest place I could find and started planting flowers and herbs! :)

[buddhamama]

35. i look for

someone who is genuine and sincere, com/passionate and empathetic. someone who possess the ability to make me laugh is a must.

emotional depth is crucial. shallowness is in any form is a major turn-off.

looks come last. beautiful on the inside makes a beautiful person. period.

[Vidar]

37. Whatever quality we seem to lack at the moment.

[datasuspect]

38. you don't need to ask a woman

i can tell you:

they like it when you order their food for them, it shows them you are decisive and strong enough to know what is good for them.

women really love braggadocio: starting fights with strangers who look cock-eyed at you while you are out with your lady is sure to win points, same goes for verbal altercations: it shows you are strong enough to protect them.

everyone knows that women are silly creatures whose purpose is to please a man, so being boorish and demanding just brings out that feminine urge to nurture even more.

women "adore" cutesy names: jiggles, sweetypants, funbags, etc. are sure to warm their tender hearts.



















I AM JOKING!!!!!!

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

39. Don't forget sugartits!

[NewWaveChick1981]

40. Kindness and sense of humor.

If a guy is cruel or uncaring, that's a HUGE dealbreaker. For me, he's gotta be funny and caring and kind. Appearance is the very last thing on my "list"---a guy doesn't have to be Mr. GQ for me to find him sexy and/or attractive. Cleanliness and hygiene are a must, and they count as taking care of oneself, but he doesn't have to be gorgeous. :D

[treestar]

41. Depends on the woman.

We are individuals, like men.

[Dangerously Amused]

42. I can't speak for others, but as for me:

Principled honesty, compassion, intellectual curiosity and a sense of humor. Pretty much in that order.













Edited to add (if it isn't obvious)... that goes for anyone's personality, not just a potential SO.

[Bucky]

44. I find ladies like dudes who lip sync the Police's "Every Breath" to them

while winking and making little finger-pointy hand pistols at them in the car. Drives 'em wild.

[buddhamama]

45. *snort*

oh yes, any man who does this wins my heart! :crazy:

[Bucky]

47. More field-tested Bucky-approved seduction techniques:

1- Call her "babe" a lot. This has the ancillary effect of preventing you from calling her the wrong name (e.g. "mommy")

2- Gold chains. LOTS of gold chains. Best if you leave your shirt unbuttoned to the navel so they can see the whole chain

3- Collapsing beer cans against the forehead. This assures the ladies that you can protect them in case you're suddenly attacked by flying clown ninjas. (Note to HypnoToad: it's better if you use your own forehead instead of the lady's)

4- Let her know you appreciate her appearance. Say things like "You're hot" and "Check out them hooters" and "Woooohoooo!" frequently.

5- Remove the price tag from the flowers. I highly recommend plastic flowers as they never go bad.

6- "Accidentally" leave the price tag on the jewelry you buy her. She knows you love her, but she deserves to know exactly how much you love her.

7- Women want to be know that you'll stay with them for the long run. Reassure her by letting her know that her mother has a "sweet ass."

8- If her sister has a sweet ass, keep it yourself. I won't tell you how I learned this lesson, so you'll just have to trust me on this one.

9- Women love a man who knows how to cook. When you make a beer run to the grocery store, stop by the frozen food section and stock up.

10- When she's sharing her deepest feelings, nod frequently and make sure your ear with the MicroWalkman in it is turned away from her. (Note to HypnoToad: keep the volume turned down too!)

[buddhamama]

48. where have You been all my life

*swoon*



:rofl:

[Bucky]

50. therapy

[buddhamama]

51. call me when you get out

we'll chat :)

[BarenakedLady]

46. Hehe

Yes, it's the finger guns. Gets me every time. :rofl:

[StellaBlue]

52. Personally

1. Intelligent.

2. Witty/fast-thinking (and for me, dark humor/sarcasm).

3. Well-read and interested in books, philosophy, history, etc.

4. Must at least be able to tolerate my fanatical love of football (specifically Texas/Dallas Cowboys).

5. Mature - no guys who need a mommy need apply.

6. Egalitarian (goes without saying - I will not be doing your laundry).

7. Liberal, preferably radical, and well-informed (this, for me, includes atheist/agnostic/perhaps Buddhist).

8. Non-misogynist (this is the hardest criteria to meet - most men are way more misogynist than they think - I will not date anyone who subscribes to Maxim or goes to strip clubs, period).

9. Fun.

10. As to looks, I have no specific type, but prefer darker hair to blonde and almost always date tall guys since I am short and do not want to end up reproducing and making more dwarves - race doesn't matter to me, don't like guys with smaller thighs than myself - it creeps me out.

Edited to add: I am almost certain this person does not exist. Men suck. ;)

[Lydia Leftcoast]

54. Different women like different characteristics, but

on the whole, I'd say we're less hung up on looks.

When I was a junior in high school, a new guy moved into town, and in retrospect, he looked rather like a cross between Keanu Reeves and Charlie Sheen, if you can imagine that. All the girls in our first hour speech class just stared at him, dazzled by his looks.

This lasted until he gave his first speech. He was stupid, inarticulate, and full of himself. When that was revealed, most of the girls completely lost interest.

For me, the most important sexual organ is the brain. If a man and I are on the same wavelength mentally, everything else falls into place.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

55. Respect for others...

The acknowledgement that women have valuable ideas is important. And I respect the guy who isn't above saying hello to the maintenance man, or thanking the waitress.

As far as appearance is concerned, I'd say looks are relatively unimportant, but decent personal hygiene is a necessity.