The downward spiral continues...

[Robb]

Yeek.

So I got off work a little early, took advantage of being so close to the pool and hit it for some noon laps. It's an outdoor pool, and after about a half-hour a thunderstorm began so they kicked everyone out for 20 minutes for lightning safety.

Who do I spy on deck but my suddenly-ex? I compose myself, ask her if she'd like to go to lunch. Sure.

So once we get to the restaurant and park our respective cars, I discover she's acting odd. Then it hits me she's drunk. And presto, orders a beer.

Bitter, pissy, bombastic. "If I want to drink, I'm going to now, because I can."

Miserable lunch. I tried to remain positive throughout, but now she's accused me of spreading a rumor she's been seeing this mutual doc friend of ours all along.

"No, I haven't said anything like that. People have asked me, I've explained you're feeling too restricted," etc. etc.

"Well I don't know anywhere else it could come from but you!"

And so on.

"I'll get the check," I say. "I owe you for groceries."

"No, you'll get it because you asked me to lunch."

:eyes:

She stormed out. Needless to say, when I got home just now no evidence she had been here to pack anything. I know she was supposed to pick up some baby stuff from here for her daughter's new one (things my mom and dad dropped off), so I innocently called the daughter to ask if there was anything I could send along, and to ask her to be extra nice to mom because she was having a bad day, thinking she'd already be there having just skipped getting the stuff at my house.

Nope. More likely in a bar, I guess. Daughter sounded like she's doing well, at least.

So I'm packing things. CDs and movies right now, and the board games.

Sigh.

[miss_american_pie]

1. I'm sorry

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

2. *sigh*

I really wish people wouldn't drink and drive. It really does kill people. She sounds like she has a lot of problems (probably a gross understatement). Hugs to you...and her daughter...:hug: :hug:

[skygazer]

3. I'm sorry, Robb

But my advice would have to be no lunches, no socializing, just a businesslike finish to the task at hand which is getting her crap (emotional as well as physical) out of your life. I know you're trying to be a nice guy but I think it would be a lot easier for you (and her too actually), if this just ended now.

Sucks that you're going through this crap. :hug:



(ps - and I never REALLY thought you were a dingbat)

[YellowRubberDuckie]

4. Seconded.

I really think you're way too smart for this situation, Robb.
Duckie

[Robb]

6. Yeah

It really hit home today. I have to count myself lucky she's leaving, because until she decides to stop, she's not going to.

I think it's OK for me to hope she does, someday.

[mainegreen]

5. Dude, I feel for you.

I really do.

[kwassa]

7. She hasn't hit bottom yet.

and there is not a damn thing you can do to help her until she, on her own, recognizes that she needs the help. Nothing at all.

I don't know your background at all, but I strongly recommend that you attend an Al-Anon meeting and talk about your situation because, like it or not, you might be contributing to her situation without even realizing it, and without any intention of doing so. Learn from others who have been where you are right now.

Alcoholics are some of the smartest and most devious people in the world. They have to be, because their real problem is extreme narcissism. There is no boundary between them and the world, and they drink or take drugs to manage the anxiety of running that world, from their distorted point of view. Denial is king.

[Robb]

12. Question on that:

...There's actually a local al-anon meeting tonight. Even if I'm dang sure I'm out of this relationship, should I go anyhow? :shrug:

[vickitulsa]

15. I would strongly suggest that you go anyway.

I don't know you yet, but just from reading this much I can say confidently that you'll be glad you sat in on at least one Al-Anon meeting, even if you never attend another one!

You'll probably learn so much in one brief span, realize you really knew most of it all along, deepdown, and be surprised at just how many people have to deal with these sorts of horrors and heartbreaks in their lives. With tips and support from those who've been there, done that, you can steadily rise above the turmoil and the angst and see blue skies once again.

If nothing else, I think it will help you make the "clean break" we all wish was far easier than it sounds.

:hug:

[IdaBriggs]

16. Yes. You have been involved with an active alcoholic.

Its time you got some insight into what sucks YOU into the relationship, and how to break the pattern.

Also, get her stuff out of your house, don't let her be there without you, and remember that if she's got time to go swimming/drinking, she's obviously got time to get her crap out of your house.

[ThomCat]

8. I'm sorry that it's getting so messy.

:hug:

You will be better for all of this once it is history.

[crim son]

9. There's no such thing as a clean break, is there?

Sorry you are having a tough time. :hug: :hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

10. cut. her. off.

I know I've told you this before, but....now, it's getting unhealthy. So, dont' talk to her, unless ABSOLUTELY neccessary, and live your life. Put her crap in storage and send her the key, and the bill. And then, move on, healthily. No more lunches, etc. :)

:hug:

[Robb]

11. NOW it's getting unhealthy?

:D

I know, I know. I thought we could talk about when she'd come get things. I'm done kidding myself.

You know, for two years I told other people her problem wasn't that bad, that it was getting better. Told myself, too, because I can do anything.

I. Can't. Make. Her. Better. I can't even help.

It's a terrible shame, because I've seen her do such wonderful things. But the awful things I've seen.....

I'm done. She's got until she leaves for her next gig. I know I'll go through a couple of nightmares before then, but I'm ready. After that, shed. New locks.

[JVS]

14. Seriously!

[billyskank]

13. She drives drunk?

Not cool.