I am starting to get involved with a married woman....

[Fountain79]

am I evil?

[mainegreen]

1. Are they seperated?

But yes, that is very bad.

[Fountain79]

3. Pretty much....n/t

[Whoa_Nelly]

13. Define "pretty much"

:o

[GoddessOfGuinness]

15. Danger, Will Robinson!

It ain't over 'til there's paperwork.

Take it from one who's been there and still is there, in some respects, 23 years later.

We eventually got married. But there's still no property settlement.
If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't...in spite of the fact that we had 2 great kids.

[skygazer]

2. No

Just stupid. :hide:

[cobalt1999]

4. does she have children?

If so, then you are seriously impacting innocent lives...so, yes, evil and selfish.

If not, then you are just being dumb.

[bigwillq]

11. Selfish, maybe

evil, no way.

I feel the woman is being more selfish than the OP.
The OP can't hide his feelings but there's nothing wrong with that. He's not the one that is married (as far as I know)

[Fountain79]

14. I am not...n/t

[bigwillq]

19. Thanks for clarifying (nt)

[cobalt1999]

37. Well that much selfishness is almost evil.

It's one thing if you are willing to breakup a marriage, it's a whole new level to destroy a family. That goes for her especially, since they are her children, but he is also making a choice to impact kids lives for his own purposes.

Not sure where some would draw the line between selfish and evil, if it were me, I'd consider myself over it. JMHO.

[LostinVA]

33. The married woman may be being selfish, not necessarily the OP

[lizziegrace]

5. Don't go there n/t

[miss_american_pie]

6. No, just human

[Castilleja]

48. This is the best answer in this thread

IMO

[La Lioness Priyanka]

7. nope

you are not the one who promised to be faithful to her spouse..thats her moral concern ...not yours

[LostinVA]

34. Bingo

That's why I don't get this "homewrecker" label -- usually directed at women, and often even on here.

[Mike03]

8. Dude, take heed...

I was on the other end of that, a married man who got involved with another woman. My sister gave me this advice: "Be prepared to lose everything." And that's exactly what happened. And the fallout affected everyone. I know from personal experience how temptation vanquishes common sense, but if you at all have the power to resist, call upon that power now, unless you are prepared to completely change your life and risk losing absolutely everything, from your friends to your reputation...

[Fountain79]

12. I am not married...n/t

[lizziegrace]

16. It doesn't matter

You could lose everything emotionally.

[Mike03]

23. I understand that, but think of her, too

If you think you love this woman, understand that SHE may lose everything as well. Just a thought. The woman I got involved with was single, and she lost even more than I did.

[kwassa]

18. "Be prepared to lose everything" sage advice

If you are not destroying your life, you might well destroy the lives and homes of others.

[Mike03]

29. Thank you

That is what I meant to articulate, but failed to. It's the other person whose interests must be considered as well. Desire is a blinding force and its casualties are many.

[kwassa]

35. I've been there, I've done that, the biggest mistake of my life.

There was no marriage involved, but a committed relationship was destroyed, and it took five years out of my life to get over it.

and it was my damn fault.

[Mike03]

40. Wow, thanks for sharing, because

I've lived with this feeling for ten years and never really been able to share it with anyone who would understand. My life turned out okay, against all odds, but I lost something that I will never have again, and I will always regret that. I was a very straight-laced, decent person who lapsed into making a totally incomprehensible and unforgivable mistake for reasons I barely understand, all these years later. I'm better because of it, but I lost so much.

[kwassa]

41. You might find it again

I did. I got very lucky, and am in an excellent relationship and marriage. I also realize how incredibly lucky I am to get a second chance. Truthfully, this marriage is better than the previous relationship could have been, but I didn't believe that it could happen at all for me for years.

It is certainly a mistake that I won't make again.

[Mike03]

43. Thank you very much

for the kind words of hope. I'm so happy you got a second chance. Thanks for even listening, because I'm serious about never being able to talk about this with anyone. It feels nice to tell someone. Thanks for listening, and thanks for the words of optimism.

[bigwillq]

9. Not evil at all.

Be careful though.

You don't want to be a home wrecker, provided she has children.

If she's not happy in her marriage, she should make the preparations to get a divorce.
Give her space and distant and when they're separated, you can begin to have a relationship.

It's a tough one. You and her can't hide your feelings but there's so much baggage when you get involved with married people.

Sometimes you end up getting really hurt.

All the best.

[Haole Girl]

10. NOoooo!!

[Deja Q]

17. Depends

Is she happily married?

I dunno. Best to wait until the divorce is finalized.

[Zomby Woof]

20. Well...

I will say that regardless of your single status, you are not off the hook with your culpability in dishonoring her vows. You have the power to say "No, I cannot get involved with you until you are divorced." It takes two, and she can't dishonor her vows without an accomplice.

As for being evil, that is not for me to judge. But blameless if things go wrong? No. It would be a 50-50 deal.

[GOPisEvil]

21. I'm not the Acme Judgement Company.

So, I will not pass judgement. However, my advice is to wait until her divorce is final (or at least filed). It's better for all concerned in the long run.

[VelmaD]

22. No...but be careful...

I know from first hand experience how unlikely it is that getting involved with a married person ever works out in the long term. It's a good way to get your heart broken...not to mention your tires slashed.

[crim son]

24. Sigh. I've posted this a few times.

Don't do it. I'm a married woman whose marriage is ending because of an affair I had. The man in question doesn't want me, but my world is destroyed. Wait until she's divorced, and even then be careful because of the kids. If you have any heart and I think you probably do.

[Mike03]

25. P.S.

I'm not saying you are "evil" at all. No judgements attached to what I said. It was just in the nature of friendly advice from someone who has been there. Some people just have to learn from experience. I was young and dumb, and I learned from experience rather than from the advice of others. But everyone has to take his or her own path.

Best of luck.

[bicentennial_baby]

26. That's subjective...

But, imho, cheating is wrong, no matter what end of it you're on. The healthy thing to do is wait until she's fully divorced, and see what happens. Chances are, she's using you, sorry to say. Regardless, it's bad karma...

[mzteris]

27. Not evil but

injudicious.

She needs a chance to go through whatever she needs to go through. Get it over with. All the paperwork. All the crying. All the recriminations. All the property properly sorted and disposed of. All the monetary arrangements FINALIZED.

Don't be there. Don't be involved with any of it.

If she "needs you" in order to leave - she's not ready to leave.

More importantly, if she'll cheat on him with you - who will she cheat on YOU with? You'll never trust her.

BTW - if there are kids - then you do NOT want to be the "other man" - you will never have an appropriate place in their lives. You'll always be the man who broke up their family.

Wait. If you two really care about each other - you'll both wait.

[MichiganVote]

28. Well you're in for a world of hurt....Beware

[wain]

30. With all the fish in the ocean, why make life complicated?

Doesn't sound like a good investment of your life.

But, just by your asking suggests that you already know the answer. I wish you well.

:)

[Dangerously Amused]

31. Put it on ice.

Doing so may force her into making a decision. That's okay. You need to know and so does she. Otherwise you risk her stringing you along and coming up with excuse after excuse as to why she "can't" get a divorce.

If it's love, it will still be there after the divorce. If she truly cares about you, she will have the wisdom and the courage to get the divorce finalized before bringing you into what will otherwise become a messy and painful situation for all involved.

If it's not love then it's not worth it. Get the hell out while you still can.

[LostinVA]

32. No -- it's her responsibility, not yours, where her spouse is concerned

I used to be very against this, until I saw certain things up close with friends and relatives.

Just watch yourself... because the odds are, she won't leave him, no matter what she says.

[Mike03]

36. Very True

The spouse has the most responsibility, but I still think that if he really cares about her he has to consider what she stands to lose. Sometimes it is the married partner who is the most vulernable, for reasons that are not absolutely manifestly clear at first impressions.

[mduffy31]

38. Not evil

I myself am legally seperated and I have been semi-involved with another woman. Now I love my wife and I wanted to work out the problems in our marriage, but she doesn't so I could decide to spend the time feeling lonely or I could have someone that I can go out on "dates" with and enjoy myself.

[hunter]

39. I've attached an M-80 to my testicles... Should I light the fuse?

Same question.



http://www.nh.gov/safety/divisions/firesafety/fireworks/prohibit/fireworksillegalmfgexplosives.html

[bleedingheart]

42. ding ding ding...we have a winner!

[XemaSab]

44. The problem with being involved with a married person

Is that their other obligations always come first.

Be aware of this.

[youthere]

45. Not evil...

Swinish, reckless, unprincipled, naive..oh and stupid. Yeah..definitely stupid.

But that's just my opinion.

[nini]

46. Why would you want to date a woman who would cheat on her husband?

If the marriage is not over - then you're playing with fire - especially if kids are involved.



If the marriage is indeed over, then I would ask you - why do you even ask if you were evil? The fact you even asked says a lot.

[Xipe Totec]

47. Evil only if you kiss and tell n/t