This just in from Whitehouse.org!!!

[auburngrad82]

SPEAKER DENNIS HASTERT DISPATCHES EMERGENCY MEMO TO CLARIFY COMMON CONGRESSIONAL TERMINOLOGY FOR HOUSE PAGES

Formal Congressional Memorandum

http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2006/100106.asp

Too funny for words. For example:

In lieu of recent events, it is imperative that all pages be clear on their respective Representative's intent when communicating by e-mail, instant message or via traditional verbal form. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for inexperienced and highly-expendable teenagers to misinterpret the sometimes ambiguous codes and complex shorthand used by Congressmen since the time of our great forefathers.

Below you will find a list of commonly misunderstood phrases, accompanied by their literal meanings. Please commit these translations to memory, as any alternate interpretations from this point forward will be considered a mistake on the part of the page and may result in disciplinary action up to and including premature termination and/or spanking.

Message: "I want U to unload it in my face."
Translation: I would like you to show my secretary how to set up a "MySpace" page so that I can appeal to the youth demographic. Please recommend bands and TV shows that are popular at your school.

Message: "I have taken a position in the Beef Caucus."
Translation: Meet me in the third unlocked stall at the ManHole, located near the Foggy Bottom Metro entrance. Knock twice and bring the heated lube I keep in my desk.

There are tons more where these came from.



Liberal bumper stickers