New Portable Toilets To Be Announced

[jmowreader]

Daytona Beach, Fla (Spurious News Network) -- At next month's Portable Sanitation Association International Convention, to be held from November 8 to 11 in this seaside tourist community, famed portable toilet manufacturer PolyPortables is set to launch its new line of portable toilets.

"In honor of the 2006 election, we've given these new units politically-themed names," says Susan Ralston, PolyPortables' new public relations director. "We call them the Democrat, the Republican, the Freeper and the Dubya."

Ralston opens the door on an attractive blue unit. "This is the Democrat. As you can see, it's a very nice unit. It has a computer with an LCD touchscreen built into it so the user can read Bartcop while she's in here. It has holders for four different kinds of toilet paper, a 25-gallon holding tank, a radio permanently tuned to Air America, and this button dispenses a highly effective deodorizer."

She next leads us to a red unit. "This is the Republican. Our designer chose to shape the unit to meet the needs of America's most famous Republican, Rush Limbaugh. This unit has a heated cast-iron seat and a plate-steel floor for durability, a 75-gallon holding tank, and a source of running water because our medical consultants claim a pilonidal cyst must always be kept clean. For entertainment, there is a piece of posterboard and a big box of Crayolas."

The third unit is trailer-mounted, very long and has an eagle painted on the door. "This is the Freeper. It's intended for groups who rent fifty units but only get twenty people to come to their rallies. This towable unit seats forty. It has a 500-gallon holding tank, which reduces pumping requirements to three times a day so long as no more than thirty freepers use it; the same high-quality heated cast-iron seats as you'll find in the Republican; and it's available with an optional gun rack."

"The fourth unit is the Dubya. It's out back. Our engineer, who is a registered Democrat, spent nearly six months trying to develop a portable toilet that would capture the essence of our 43rd pResident. He finally solved the dilemma by taking a 5000-gallon fuel tanker, removing one of the lids and attaching a toilet seat in its place."

[sakabatou]

1. LMAO