I can't sleep. I have a question on your opinion on this.

[Jamastiene]

I've never been a morning or daytime person. I'm cracking up from this awful schedule. I've been thinking about the hours. I could sleep from about 4:00 until 11:00 PM in the evenings and have my precious nights back. I'd still have to stop everything and go to classes in the mornings and early afternoons, but I would definitely be able to have more sleep and more time to get things done.

Should I go for it and start tonight? I can't sleep anyway tonight. I tried reading a book, "And I Don't Want To Live This Life" by Deborah Spungen. I ended up reading a few more chapters than I thought I would. I looked over and it said 1:30AM. I had no idea. I wanted to read more but knew I should stop.

My attitude has gotten worse and worse lately. I hate faking the straight life. It ain't for me. Is there any legal way I can make a decent amount of money without having to be up in the daytime?

I'm still thinking too much to go to bed just yet. So, on the first question: should I switch my schedule to be up at night again. What do you think? Any suggestions for what to do when I get terribly honery and ill at the freepers around me tomorrow? I mean if I keep trying to fake this life, who knows what may happen. I had a flash thought earlier. What if I end up getting a job at some place like Perdue in the morning hours? That would definitely be worse than Wal-Mart. They at least clean the fish tanks at Wal-Mart. I've been behind a few Perdue trucks. Those poor chickens. I don't really like eating chicken after seeing that. The smell...It's all so horrible. There is nothing of beauty in this town. Nothing. It's just all pain and misery and freepers and ugliness. Has anyone else ever noticed that blue cities are beautiful and have great architecture and museums and great things to see and do, yet freep towns are depressing ugly and boring? Or is it just me? My mind is, as you can see, racing with thoughts on life and how I could make mine less depressing and mundane. It just won't let up.

[NMMNG]

1. There's always night jobs

Some of them even pay more (shift differential). You can stock shelves overnight in stores, be a security guard, be a night aid in a human services agency or rest home, work on a cleaning crew or any number of other things. The added bonus is you have fewer (if any) bothersome co-workers in your hair.

[Jamastiene]

2. I do hope I end up working at night.

Even if I work in the afternoons and had my nights free, I could at least have my morning hours back to sleep. I do not sleep well at night. I never have. Even as a small child I was a night owl. I would sneak back up and listen to records at 3 years of age. I was never a daytime person. I certainly appreciate your list. Fewer local yocal freepers would be a really good thing for me. That's another thing that is really getting me lately; too many damn red state local yocals to deal with in my real life.

[NMMNG]

8. Give it a try

It may be just the thing for you. :thumbsup:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

3. I am a total night person.

I am a serious nightowl. I am wide awake at 2 am and its when I feel the most comfortable. I work evenings - well my job starts late afternoon and I get home around 1am. But my new job will involve me being wide awake when much of the US is asleep and that will suit me just find. I don't function well at all during the daytime. I would rather stay in bed for some reason.

[Jamastiene]

5. I want the afternoon til somewhere between

midnight and 1:00 am hours. Those would be the ideal for me. I can't stand the traffic and the serious flu and cold bugs that go around. I get sick more when I am on a morning first shift schedule. I think first shift is unhealthy to say the least, not that I ever worry about health except when it comes to other people's germs. You know what I mean?

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

10. Germs exist no matter the shift.

That's one thing I am not looking forward to this year. Last year everyone was always sick. Including myself. Traffic : that's one thing I do not have to worry about when driving home. The streets are so clear and I really don't have to wait at traffic lights.

[idgiehkt]

4. don't read that Nancy Spungeon shit in the middle of the night...

are you crazy, lol...


I am 2 miles from a Tyson and about 7 from a Pilgrim's Pride. It is really really sad. There are chicken houses all around here and I am behind the trucks every day. I feel terrible for the birds, I actually saw one die right in front of me when I was waiting for a light to change.

I tried to do third once and couldn't do it. If you can more power to you. Lots of temp agencies will hire people for 2nd and 3rd shift, it's first that everyone wants. I don't know if I would tell them about school but maybe you can get in somewhere and get hired. I am in the same boat, not moving forward because...damn I just kind of realized I can tell the truth about it here. It's he same for me. I feel like I just can't freaking tolerate the lying anymore. I can't stay at a job because I know people are gonna get to know me and figure it out eventually. I am super-sensitive to it right now, have been for the last couple of years. Like in the program I was in at school, when the women found out every time they would say the word 'gay' they would drop their voices and look at me. It will make you crazy. I have a rainbow flag liscence plate frame so I don't hide it. I end up working around women mostly and I've found they tolerate gay men alot better than lesbians because a lesbian to them is like a potential rapist (in their sadly disiullusioned narcissistic world, anyway). I fucking resent the hell out of being treated that way. I am an attractive woman and it galls me the way I am sometimes treated by people I've worked with. I am thinking seriously about going back to work on a dock somewhere just loading trucks all night which will be working with pig truck drivers again but I'd rather be treated like a piece of ass/bimbo than a potential rapist/pervert. It seems those are my choices. At least most men are attracted to the idea of lesbianism/bisexuality rather than repelled by it. I guess my dilemna isn't so much in acting 'straight', it's in not acting straight and people putting two and two together and then being jerks. Because they eventually figure it out.

Is there a foundry anywhere around there that you can look into working at? I will think hard about 3rd shift jobs that are available, most of the time I have worked first and second. I really hope it works out for you and you are able to be up nights if that is what you want.

[Jamastiene]

6. Crazy? Well...

yes... :crazy: :rofl:

It's not only faking the straight life in terms of sexuality for me either. I mean what you said is totally relevant because it fits here too, but also the straight life as far as acting "normal", whatever that means. I just can't stand doing it. I feel like a clown in these plain clothes and this plain hairstyle. I don't want to have the beehive hairdo. Around here, that seems to be the only alternative to plain. Forget a perm. I don't want one of those either.

I needs my punk rawk. I need to be in a band again and say screw it with all this schooling stuff. It's really getting me down. I am dreading yet another week of shit I will never understand. I can't wait until teacher evaluation time. I've kept a 4.0 average until this semester. The teachers have had really bad attitudes this semester toward students, even ones like me who always give 110%. It's making me want to just cop out and give them attitude back. Can I be kicked out of community college? Stay tuned. Something tells me they are trying to see if they can weed some of us out. I've reached my limit with their bullshit.

Coincidentally, I think that was Nancy Spungen's deal too. She had a low tolerance for bullshit. She would have been fine if it hadn't been for her family staying on her from the time she woke up until she finally passed out hyperventillating because they wouldn't leave her be for some part of the day. I totally seem to understand what Nancy felt and how her family made the problem worse. I mean her mother wished for her to be killed. What kind of mother does that? They sent her "away" at 11 years old. She was just a kid. They fucked her up. I honestly believe that.

[idgiehkt]

7. wow.

poor Nancy. Now she'd be on ritalin and all that other stuff if she was a kid today.

I get what you are talking about about 'straight'. It reminds me of a rant I heard Wendy O Williams do about 'straight' people, but I almost think she was talking about non-junkies but I might be wrong about that two.

I know about the grades thing. I had a 4.0 in my last program before I dropped out/changed major whatever, then I had a 4.0 in this one til one of my teachers had a nervous breakdown or whatever and they had subs teaching the class who didn't know that field and they were slashing the shit out of our transcriptions, it was awful and I raised hell. I ended up one point away from an A in that class and raised hell about that. The dept head said if I kept a 4.0 for the whole program I she'd raise my grade for that class. That really irked me, so not fair. As soon as I have to do any math or science that will be the end of a 4.0 for me, I will be lucky to get a C or D I am so retarded in math it's pathetic.

On the weeding out thing, a cousin of mine just graduated from nursing school and she said that one of her teachers said that out loud to someone and was overheard, that she was gonna 'get rid' of about 20 of her students before it was all over because she felt like she had been given way too many. She got in trouble. So I know they do 'weed people out' if they feel like it.

[hickman]

9. For me sleep is everything.

If you can't sleep for what ever reason, move on. I'm not gay so I have any understanding about your struggle. I do understand being stuck in the mud and wondering if I'd ever get out. What saved me was being able to sleep. Sleep gives strength, and the ability to get out. Sorry if this sounds stupid, but I've been up too long.