This ship won't turn on a dime.

[Robb]

Ever been too good?

Try as I might, I can't escape caring, even about someone who seemingly doesn't deserve it. The balancing act is not to get sucked up into the nightmare again, which I won't, but to still retain enough humanity to care if someone is -- as we say -- circling the drain.

I wish there was someone I could ask to watch out for her, but she's alienated about everyone. And I certainly can't -- I certainly won't. If only there was some way to help, but until rock bottom is found, there's no chance of her coming out. In the meantime I just sit amazed none of what I've seen was rock bottom.

She's surrounded herself with people she thinks care, but I know will simply leave her on the floor, in the corner of whatever bar in whichever exotic city, when she either screws up her gig with them or just takes a night out.

All I can do is hope, for the sake of my own humanity, she gets through it alive.

[crim son]

1. Been too good, somebody wasn't worth it and will never do that again!

You can't fix her but you become her place of refuge if you allow it. And that's fine if you want to watch her decline. I feel for you. Give it more time and as much distance as you can without feeling like a dog.

[skygazer]

2. There's nothing wrong with caring

The thing is, you're the wrong person to try to help in this instance because she sees you - rightly or wrongly - as someone she can manipulate. And yet resent when you try to actually help. Which does her no good whatsoever.

I've been on both sides of this coin. I've put myself into a near psychotic state trying to carry other people's problems and solve them for them and I finally discovered that it's an impossible situation.

I've also been the person in desperate need of help, who finally discovered that the only person who could save me was me. In the process, I alienated friends and family who cared about me, because they seemed like people who were against me - all because they wanted to help.

I have no words of wisdom. I still haven't figured out what the "right" thing to do is. I don't know as there is one single "right" thing. I just hope you'll be okay and I really do hope she figures it out. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

3. Be strong!

Don't get caught up in it again. She will get better only when she decides to.

[IdaBriggs]

4. Time for an Al-Anon meeting!

You can't fix or control her, and frankly, it sounds like she needs to work through some stuff on her own. Its time to let go.

I just had a similar "fun one" -- what do you do when a teenage niece complains that she keeps finding her mother's drugs in the house? I can't control the mother, I can't do anything except "be there" for the daughter, and I want to bang my head on the wall, too.

Bottom Line: People are Stupid. And sometimes, that includes those of us who "care" -- :banghead:

[Robb]

5. ...That would be, "another Al-Anon meeting"

:D

And yes, I know, I know. But I reserve the right to feel for her. From waaaaaaaaay afar.