I'm such a mother.... How can I get over that?

[MissMillie]

Well, between my sister and my need to be available for her throughout her whole leg ordeal, and my son who at 19 is behaving like a total shithead, I am putting myself last again, and the nightschool course I enrolled in is taking a hit.

How does one go about learning to put themselves first, at least every now and then?

I don't mean that I need to learn to be selfish about everything, but there are some things that are important to me, and I need to find a way to make sure I don't let them go when the people in my life start needing me.

Suggestions?

[seemunkee]

1. compartmentalize

Block off time that is for your needs. That is time that you are unavailable to deal with your son or sister. You can deal with them before that time and after but not during, that time is reserved.

[Zomby Woof]

2. I have to tell you this

No matter how smart your son is, or how good of a child he was growing up, I can tell you based on my own experience, and that of my peers and their male siblings, that 19 is just a STUPID age for a man. It just is. They can have an IQ of 200, and 19 makes a man crazy and foolish. 18 was fairly good to me. 20 was great. But 19 was this strange abyss of change and turmoil that I still recall with very little nostalgia or fondness.

Of all the years before 30, 19 is the one I would NEVER, under any circumstances, want to re-live.

I can't tell you why. I have theories. Part of it is grappling with the same turmoil as adolescence, but with the responsibilities of adulthood weighing down heavily. In a way, it's like a premature midlife crisis, except 19 is the culprit, instead of 39 or 49. At 19, the male sex drive is at its peak, so relationships can be fraught with expectations and peril that go beyond previous experience. It's often the time of the 'sophomore slump' if they are in college, as they ponder the future and assert their identities. Many join the military because of the changes going on. It is literally the last throes of painful adolescence. Again, those are my opinions and theories. But 19 has always been THE bad age for many of the guys I grew up with, their brothers, and myself.

So, it too, shall pass.

[MissMillie]

4. I was actually checking to see if there were such a thing as

shaken teenager syndrome, because I'm just ready to shake him!

I know it's his age. But I guess it's my age too, because I just don't seem to be able to let go. The mom in me just wants to control it all and make sure he doesn't screw up.

"Serenity now!"

LOL

[begin_within]

3. Get in touch with your inner temptress