Men vs. Women: The Shower

[matcom]

:rofl:

Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:


Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake
body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. if you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on her pillow.

[MissMillie]

1. sometimes, I'm so glad I live alone....

*sigh*

[HughBeaumont]

2. Yeah, maybe if I was a fat frat-tard who went to sports bars for fun.

"shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound"? Yeah, that'd be these guys.

[underpants]

3. Sorry but this is very dated

First off let me get this out of the way

WOO-HOO!

Okay now about the shampoo mohawk. When you go out and about today count how many people that you see (guys that is) that could actually make a shampoo mohawk (in Va. we call them Macacas). Seriously everyone has a damned military haircut or has it shaved down to nothing.

I notice things like this.

BTW-I will begin getting drunk in exactly 3 hours seeing as the football game starts exactly 9 hours and 45 minutes from right now.

[matcom]

4. football game?

:shrug:

[underpants]

7. BIG ballgame

The 2-5 UVa Hoos vs. the 1-5 UNC Tarheels

A border clash so important that they hold it in the middle of October

:eyes:


Great seats. Actually parking spot. Blue blood crowd. I will be a big hit I'm sure especially after boozing it up all the way there.

[Hosnon]

8. Send an invitation this way if he ever gets around to throwing the

Buffett party...29 concerts:)

And since I'm shamelessly asking: I'm about to graduate law school...he looking to hire?

[underpants]

9. Are they hiring lawyers?

Usually yes.

:bounce:

Good luck. I have no idea this is through a friend so I don't even know the guy.

[Hosnon]

11. Worth a shot...enjoy the game. Get slammed for the rest of us. nt

[mikeytherat]

10. My band did a gig for UVa's Homecoming this year...

...the party was a bit subdued, to say the least.

Oh, well. As a Hokie I can't really say much - my team's decided to implode as of late.

mikey_the_rat

[gatorboy]

5. The woo woo thing is all wrong.

If I pass my wife, I pull off towel and do my angry gorilla waiting to mate impression.

[Hosnon]

6. "Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off."

:rofl:

I'll admit to this one...but it's better than wasting a tissue right? Plus you can get it ALL out:spray:

[matcom]

12. and you are saving water by peeing down the drain too!

:rofl:

[One_Life_To_Give]

13. If wife doesn't sort lights and darks

despite my best efforts to get her to. Does that make me Gay?

[matcom]

15. pretty much

now go put on your "Cats" DVD :D

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

17. I have The Gay and I don't sort lights and darks, but I have...

The Lesbian Gay.

[mainegreen]

14. That's the funniest thing I've read all day!

Thanks!

[BarenakedLady]

16. Woo woo

:rofl: