How often do you swear in real life?

[WritingIsMyReligion]

We all know I'm a dirty-mouthed neo-hippie jazz-and-blues-and-rock-lovin' Maineah who's headed straight for hell, but what about you?

[Ellen Forradalom]

1. "Where did you learn to swear like that?"

"I used to date a one-eyed carpenter."

From Dilbert. That's what I tell people now.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

2. LOL.

I always say that swearing is an art. Just listen to, say, Miles Davis. That cat makes each "Motherfucker!" sound poetic. :D

[Ellen Forradalom]

7. Mark Twain observed

that under certain trying circumstances swearing provides relief denied even to prayer...He found that "when it comes to pure ornamental cursing," the American miner "is gifted above the sons of men."

Clemens's wife, Livy, was one of the few who did not appreciate her husband's swearing, and he tried to keep watch on his tongue when she was close by; but one day something irritated him, and, thinking his wife could not hear, he launched into a torrent of red-hot profanity. When he entered his wife's room a short time later, she coolly repeated word-for-word everything he had said.

"Livy," he replied, astounded yet amused, "did it sound like that?"

"Of course it did," she said, "only worse. I wanted you to hear just how it sounded."

"Livy, it would pain me to think that when I swear it sounds like that. You got the words right, Livy, but you don't know the tune."

From "Mark Twain and the Art of Swearing" http://homepage.smc.edu/larsen_lyle/mark_twain_and_the_art_of_sweari.htm

[WritingIsMyReligion]

9. Now THAT is truly funny.

:rofl:

[Ellen Forradalom]

21. Never a more true American lived

than Mark Twain. The man is my hero.

[RevolutionaryActs]

3. I swear like a drunken sailor.

:7

[WritingIsMyReligion]

4. Cool.

:7

:P

[fizzgig]

6. a drunken sailor

doesn't hold a candle to me. i was raised by a native new yorker and we try to out-swear each other...nothing is out of bounds.

[Spider Jerusalem]

5. Like a drunken sailor with Tourette's Syndrome.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

8. Oooh....Adding Tourette's to the mix now.

:evilgrin:

[Spider Jerusalem]

13. Well...

when your father is a former Navy chief petty officer, and HE'S somewhat shocked at the blueness of your language, "drunken sailor" doesn't go quite far enough...

[MnFats]

10. it does take a certain sould to properly drop the f-bomb...

as in fuck that shit, you stupid motherfucker.

(not to anyone in particular, just for practice.)

Samuel L. drops the F-bomb pretty well....


"Say 'what' again, motherfucker."

on second thought, Samuel drops it damn well.

[Haole Girl]

11. I can't swear at work, and I didn't used to swear in my personal...

...life, but just lately I've started to use the "F-Bomb" for silly little things. Just today, my husband was shocked at me using it for forgetting something and he said, "Did that really call for that kind of language?" I think it's all the time on DU. I'm not blaming anybody but myself though...I shouldn't be influenced so easily! :wow:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

12. Everything calls for profane language.

:P :P

You know you're good when you can compliment someone by swearing. "Oh, you motherfucker!"--as a compliment. And far more inventive than that.

I have yet to reach that point. :D

[darmok167]

14. I have two young children.

I don't swear around them. Otherwise, I cuss like a fucking sailor. :)

[ejbrush]

15. Oh, for fuck's sake...

I learned much about swearing from my Grandfather who was of the generation that did not swear in front of women, and thus had a repository of both mild profanities for mixed company and amazingly potent vulgarities/blasphemies/epitaths for strictly male situations. I spent a lot of time with him, and it was in kindergarden where I was told that "shit-brown" wasn't a color in the crayon box. I also learned that "cocksucker" was not the proper name for a chainsaw and referring to President Reagan as "an asshole" was not polite.
I have come full circle on this, though. Shit-brown is not so much a color as a family of colors, including baby-shit yellow, etc. Chainsaws, as well as lawnmowers, jackhammers, outboard motors, the rearmost two spark-plugs on my fiancee's Oldsmobile and the wire buffing wheels at work are all cocksuckers. Depending on fatigue/blood loss, they may be cock-sucking-sons-of-bitches.
And Reagan *WAS* an asshole.
My fiancee was a Petty Officer 2nd. Class, USN Construction Battalion. I am free to swear in front of her, and our mutual vocabularies has been benefitial to both of us. She now works as a city works inspector, and learns much from the construction workers. I now work in a diesel shop, and have broadened my horizons.
Here are some alternative words I use in my daily life that I hope you fine people will find useful -
Potlicker (as in chamber-pot)
Fuzz-nuts
Syphillatic
Haemoroidic (discribing a person or task)
My new favorite, thanks to "Trailer Park Boys," is "Coagulated gravy hot-dog bun bastard." Not always useful, but around here I run into them about once a week.
Ed

[WritingIsMyReligion]

46. ...

:rofl::rofl:

Welcome to DU! I think you'll fit in grandly around here. :D

:toast:

[TimeChaser]

16. I swear more later at night

:shrug:

[tandot]

17. Whenever I see Bush, a Republican, or a pro-Republican bumper sticker

So, I swear quite often ...

[ZombieNixon]

18. Not fucking enough.

Gobshyte!! :bounce: :P

[deucemagnet]

19. I swear when it's appropriate.

Oftentimes, "fuck" is the appropriate word to use, and it should be used with gusto. :evilgrin:

[mwooldri]

20. I'm ashamed to say it but my son now swears with a British accent.

He's picked up on my saying Damn a few times too many. And now he says "Damn it" from time to time. He knows not to say it but when he does he mimicks me.

Cute (for the wrong reasons) and agonizing at the same time.

Mark.

[Jamastiene]

22. One woman I used to hang around with said motherfucker

so perfect. She would say mother like anyone would normally say it, but when she said fucker, she would take her bottom lip and put it way back under her top teeth to form the "f" in fucker. While she said the last part of fucker, she would nod her head slightly to the right first then end up with her head slightly tilted to the left at the end there. It was literally like poetry in motion. I miss her sometimes.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

23. All the fucking time.

:D

[crim son]

24. When my life went down the crapper, my language

took a definite turn for the worse. It's probably alarming to listen to me because I normally tend to talk out loud to myself. Nowadays, every second word is fuck or fucking. A passerby might think I have Tourette's.

[Lady Effingbroke]

25. Every fucking day, and often.

Do you swear in your thoughts? I sure as hell do! :hi:

[njdemocrat106]

26. If my mouth is dirty, then my brain is a pure sewer

However, I actually attempt to do my best from swearing publicly, but Gawd help the Hummer with their little W'04 and Bush/Cheney stickers that cuts me off in traffic.:evilgrin:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

47. My brain is a landfill.

When I was little, I used to swear inside my head, and then giggle that I was such a hard-assed punk. :D :P :D

[fishwax]

27. all the fuckin time

means nothing to me :evilgrin:

[Heidi]

28. Not so much. (nt)

[Oeditpus Rex]

29. I bet you can when you need to

Otherwise, you never could've worked in a newsroom.

:evilgrin:

[Heidi]

30. I killed 'em with kindness,

and in return, they serenaded me on my birthday with an a cappella performance of "You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman." :blush:

[Oeditpus Rex]

31. Awwww ;)

Did they do justice to Aretha? :7

[Heidi]

33. Well,

bless their lil hoarts, they were six very inebriated in their mid-20s. So, no. x(

[Oeditpus Rex]

34. Well...

Did they at least get the "ah-oos" right? :shrug:

[Heidi]

35. That they did.

I was working late on my birthday, and they'd been off work and at Paddy's bar across the road from the paper since 2:30 p.m. At about 6 p.m., they stumbled over to try to entice me to celebrate with them. :eyes:

[Oeditpus Rex]

36. Well

At least their hoarts were in the right place. :hug:

[Heidi]

38. Hahahahaha.

True.

:*

[deadparrot]

32. All the time.

It's in my blood.

For instance, my mother and I were talking on AIM after the WS game tonight. Granted, she was probably slightly intoxicated, but "fucking fucking fucking fucking fuckers" was a part of the conversation (and it wasn't from my side). :)

[Oeditpus Rex]

37. What does she say when they lose?

:rofl:

[deadparrot]

39. I was shocked that she was actually coherent enough to type.

Usually she goes right to bed when she's smashed, and you don't get much out of her. :D

[regnaD kciN]

40. How often? Fuck if I know...

:shrug:

[Heidi]

41. You just made my gray ghost

blush. :blush:

:hi: Tab!

[xchrom]

42. all the time.

i love swearing.

[billyskank]

43. WIMR please! There are truckers present!

:D

[WritingIsMyReligion]

48. LOL.

:rofl:

:hi:

[The Brethren]

44. "@%$!@*^!!$#!"

Never.

[cobalt1999]

45. Almost never swear.

Except for about 12-13 times per year. Yes, college football can bring the sailor out in me.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

49. I will now transpond my half of an actual conversation:

Motherfucker! Yeah, you know that modem I just installed for you, your fucking computer just forgot it HAS A FUCKING MODEM! I can't believe this fucking piece of shit. How the fuck old is this thing? It's that fucking old? Jesus Christ. Makes sense though, since I've been trying to keep this fucker working for you for the last five fucking years. Jesus fucking Christ, I can't figure this out. This piece of shit still insists it doesn't have a fucking modem. Gah! I just I have to fucking call tech support. Probably end up talking to some motherfucker in New Dehli. I fucking hate tech support. I fucking hate your computer. Which fucking wine glass is mine? I'm going to get a refill. I'll need it for fucking tech support. (cleans up mouth for tech support call) They say you need more fucking RAM. It's cheap as hell these days. I could install it for you, but this computer is so fucking ancient, you should just buy a new one. You should buy a mac mini. I'll spend a lot less time cursing at your computer. We'll have more time to curse at the president when we hang out.

[ashling]

50. I Swear

to tell the truth,
the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth

[mduffy31]

51. I try to insert the word Fuck into places never thought of before.

[texanwitch]

52. Too much.

I have cut back some but I do like to say bloody hell a lot.

I learned in the Army how to swear with the best.

I try not to swear, but sometimes it just comes out.

[mike_c]

53. not that often, actually....

I'm continually amazed when I overhear routine conversations in which every phrase contains "fuckin'" this or that.

[SKKY]

54. I'm a fuckin' Sailor. How often do you think I swear??? Dipshit.

[NewWaveChick1981]

55. In professional situations, never. All other times pretty frequently.

:) If I'm around someone I don't know or someone who would be offended by it, I refrain. But in my normal, everyday life, I curse a LOT.

[LynzM]

56. Depends entirely on context

Around friends who are similarly inclined, especially when drunk, can be quite a bit. At work, only around certain people, who do the same. Never in front of the client. Never to my boss. Never around my dad, or grandparents, and very infrequently around my mom. Gotta keep all the images correct in people's heads, right? ;)

[Fox Mulder]

57. I fuckin' swear all the fuckin' time.

For christssakes.

[TOhioLiberal]

58. Like a freakin' sailor...

...especially in the last six years or so. I call it Politically Induced Tourette's Syndrome, or PITS.

[u4ic]

59. More than I want to...

x(

[leeroysphitz]

60. I know some people think that profanity is the sign of a weak mind

or a tool used by those unable to adequately express themselves but those dipshit assholes don't know fucking shit about ex-fucking-spressing themselves.

[NJ Democrats]

61. I swear a good deal

[Broken_Hero]

62. I swear a lot

in real life...

[bridgit]

63. X-fucking-squeeze me...

:spray: :thumbsup:

[Common Sense Party]

64. I don't swear in public. In the privacy of my car, yes. nt

[NMMNG]

65. What the &%$# is it to you?

Actually, it depends on who I'm with, where I am, and what is happening/what I'm talking about.

[In_The_Wind]

66. WTF floats outta my mouth from time to time.

:wtf: Frodo might learn a new set of words to replace "You're OKAY"

[Lowell]

67. I never fucking thought about it

not very goddam often. Stupid fucking poll anyway.

[ScreamingMeemie]

68. I try not to...very often. MrG uses the f word a lot and I admit to

cringing when I hear it. I guess that makes me a square. Ah well. :hi:

[last_texas_dem]

69. The occasional "shit" for me

I was on my way to having one of the cleanest mouths in the world, but peer pressure (yeah, I should be ashamed... but at least I'm being honest about it!) caused me to dirty up my vocabulary a little bit late in high school, and I never really got it out of my system. I don't cuss much, though, except to myself, and mostly while driving! I figure it's fair to say I don't do it that frequently 'cause if I say something particularly mean or nasty it can still freak out my friends a little, even though all of them say similar things with regularity.

I do think you "Yankees" are worse about it, though. Almost all of the people I've known who are originally from the North cussed like sailors. Not that I have a problem with it or anything; I just think it's kinda funny. :-)

[bleedingheart]

70. I learned how to swear from my mom....

she is an artist of crude language...
but she always prefaces it by..."pardon me but..." and lets rip with the worst in profanity...

[jakefrep]

71. At times,...

especially when only profanity can convey the emotional gravity of a situation.