Feeling like the bad guy......

[mad-mommy]

Feeling like the bad guy because in our family, I make most of the big decisions.

Hubby is considering another position. He really needs a change. Right now, we have a preferred provider plan, if we go non-preferred we get hit with a higher deductible and coinsurance, but it's manageable, and preferred or not, they have to accept what the insurance company pays. I have yet to find a doctor/hospital, anywhere, who does not participate.

The new job will offer some more money, just a little better, but the health insurance is a POS. It's basically an HMO, but you have the option to go "out of network", but have to pay a deductible, and 20& coinsurance. that sounds not so bad, but here's where they sort of have you, and they don't really spell it out...if you go out of network, the POS will only pay up to their allowance, and the provider of service can bill you for the difference. The way they charge for things, that would be financially devastating, and even someone making loads of money would be in major debt. So, basically, they force you to remain in network. If we stay in network,there's only one Primary doc I would even consider. As far as specialist, there aren't many and you still need a referral and we could never go specialty hospitals, God forbid the kids need it. I already know we could never afford to do the out of network thing. Right now I see 3 specialists, my family doc will not treat me for the problems because they are involved. My kids both have asthma, and now they are thinking they never outgrew their reflux. Their pediatrician takes HMO, in fact they take every insurance, that's a rare, but good exception. The older one will have to start having some extensive testing. If we took the new plan, I would be limited to where I can go, and the hours the facilities provide stink. This scares me a little.

The way people have no insurance at all, I feel bad to even worry myself, but right now, we have something good going, and I don't want to get stuck in a bad situation over some extra money. But what about hubby's sanity?

[leftofthedial]

1. Hell with your husband. Who cares how he "feels" anyway?

It's his job to bring home money. You should cut him off from sex until you are satisfied with the money AND the insurance. You should also nag him incessantly about it. Don't talk about anything else except how he is failing to meet your expectations.

At least that's what my ex-wife did.

[mad-mommy]

2. holy cow

I'm not like that. See, I don't care about the extra money, I'm thinking of my kids, and I guess, selfishly, my own health, since I'm the one who takes care of them most of the time, and when I was very ill for a week and could not get out of bed, all hell broke loose around here. In other words, I can't get sick. I hear so many bad things about HMO type of insurances around here anyway. Larger cities may have better managed health care plans. I am a nagger, haven't found any good doctors to cure that.

[leftofthedial]

3. All health care in the US sucks for everyone--plan or no plan

How much more money will he make if he changes?

Will the health care costs wipe out the increase? If not, do it.

If it will, then you have to weigh his sanity against money. if I were you, assuming you love him, choose his sanity and find other places to cut back

If you have basic coverage for your kids and catastrophic care for yourselves, you are in the top 25% of Americans.

The issue of you being sick and things falling apart is a seperate problem. Perhaps increased sanity will make him better able to help you out with the kids (which he should do anyway).

[mad-mommy]

4. yes...

yes, health care cov'g does suck. We, well when we both work, right now I don't, are in the health care biz. I just read an article where one of the non-profit hospitals has done so well over the past few years, CEO's and other top dogs have doubled and tripled salaries in the past several years, but they have been cutting back on their employee benefits. Hospitals use to offer the best health care coverage.

The way his job is now, and even more so with the new job which has call, he will work long hours. That's not a problem, unless I get sick. He does help out, but after putting in a 11-12 hour day, and bringing work home, how much can you ask of a person? Things have been all going ok, because we have good docs right now, and I suppose I fear that could change.

[Nicole]

5. Hubby's sanity should come first.

Without that, you're really going to be screwed.

If the new job means that much to his sanity I would encourage him to accept it.

[idgiehkt]

6. I think there is more than just one answer.

I think there is more than just one potential new job out there for your husband. I sometimes ask the universe to help me make decisions and 'please, make it really, really clear, so I don't screw it up, what to do'. It sounds like the new health plan is a huge gamble and that is a definite, only option, if he accepts the new job. Is there a possibilty there is an equal or better new position out there somewhere for him with a decent or even better health plan than he has now. It's obvious he needs a change, but this man not be the only alternative. Just a thought, because you've shared about some of the health stuff with me in pm's and I know you have a whole lot going on, not even factoring your kids and their asthma into it. I don't think that in this case either decision is that appealing, and either way it's possible you will get to a point where you feel like you made the wrong one.

Your husband's sanity might also be affected by some of the potentials that you mentioned above; this in particular sounds really scary to me: "The way they charge for things, that would be financially devastating, and even someone making loads of money would be in major debt. So, basically, they force you to remain in network. If we stay in network,there's only one Primary doc I would even consider. As far as specialist, there aren't many and you still need a referral and we could never go specialty hospitals, God forbid the kids need it. I already know we could never afford to do the out of network thing."

I know it must be incredibly stressful having to make a decision like this. I know I certainly would be torn up and wouldn't know what to do. I only have that platitude 'expect the worst but hope for the best' to share. You can pm me if you want to talk about it further. :hug:

[BlueIris]

7. Yeah. And I think you should wait until you find something that serves

both your health and his needs. And I can't tell you that going with a job that would force you to deal with such horrible coverage is a good thing even if his "sanity" is allegedly at stake. Especially considering what a huge detriment the new "plan" would be to your family's health overall.

[mad-mommy]

9. good point...

The thing is there is always going to be stress with any job. Right now, things are a bit crazy where he's at, and it's just time for a change. I understand that. Not to say, the same thing won't happen elsewhere. If the money remained the same, and the health insurance was better, I would consider it a lateral move, and would be much more at ease. In my mind, health care is more important than money. However, the way things have been going for people in general, health care , lack of it, and the changes I see in what they provide to employees, eventually we may be forced to take a less optimal plan, but I think, we'll deal with that when it happens, why tinker with a good thing already in place? I manage the finances, the bills, including medical bills, and taking care of the kids with Dr. appts etc. Because of that, I tend to be the decision maker. Sometimes being the decision maker is not easy, if I make the wrong decision, I feel it would be my fault. If I say I'm really not comfortable with this job change, I feel badly, because I am affecting someone else's happiness . That's why I feel like the bad guy. I am never ever blamed, or made to feel this way, it just seems to be something I bring on myself. We do talk about these issues, but again, I see the pros and cons more clearly, because I deal with the issues more so. Well, the weekend will be here, and will have more time to talk about it.

[mad-mommy]

8. as always...

you are even minded and kind. I will pm you later, and I appreciate your advice and help.