Many people who have difficulty getting into a relationship

[raccoon]

have unrealistic expectations. They set their sights too high. They are attracted to people who an objective observer would say are clearly out of their league, due to age (much younger), looks, etc. Someone who realistically they'd have a better chance with, they don't want to be bothered with.

And some of these same people (maybe most) have intimacy issues. They aren't capable of having an intimate relationship, which is why they choose to become interested in people who are unavailable.

I'm not pointing fingers. I realize I'm like this. Of course, I don't know if I really want to be in a relationship. If it was a good one, yes. Bad one, no thanks. BTDT.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. while i agree with you

did this come from something?

[raccoon]

2. Yesterday a co-worker, who's in his late 20's and not in a relationship,

was helping an attractive young woman. You could tell he really was attracted to her.

This co-worker isn't good looking and is lacking in social skills. He says his family says he has Asperger's.

[Deja Q]

14. Ah, but many people around here discount Asperger's...

Well, that's my impression at any rate.

Rather like the chap who gets hounded for pointing out the perfectly mobile person leeching a handicapped sticker rather than asking questions.

But what would I know? I'm just an Aspie...

[raccoon]

3. Gosh, a subject like this, I thought I'd be hearing from all sorts.

You never can tell.

[Bunny]

4. It's amusing to see personal ads where the guy will stipulate

"no fatties" when he ain't exactly Mr. Universe himself!

People shoot too high or otherwise compromise themselves as a way of reinforcing their internalized belief that they don't deserve anyone "good". Some men complain that women aren't attracted to nice guys, they only want the bad boys. This is a rationalization on the man's part - it switches the focus away from his insecurities to the shallowness of women.

Women, on the other hand, pick the bad boys because they don't believe themselves worthy of a good man. Then they whine and complain that there are no good men out there. Again, it switches the focus from the women's self-worth to the caddishness of men.

It's all a very neat way of avoiding responsibility for one's own attitudes and behaviors.

Disclaimer: the above are gross generalizations based on gender and are in no way meant to reflect on any individual DUer's personal situation. Your mileage may vary. Batteries not included. Not sold in stores.

[lukasahero]

5. ANYone who uses the words "no fatties" in an ad,

regardless of what they themselves look like, should not be dated. That's pretty vile and speaks directly to the character of the person who placed the ad.

[Pithlet]

8. It's so that people who have no interest in wasting their time on jerks

can just move along to the next ad. I mean, does he really think a skinny woman is going to read his ad and think, "Hey, I'm not a fattie! This is my lucky day!"

[lukasahero]

10. Ah. Thanks for the reality slap. ;) eom

[Pithlet]

12. I meant that as a slap at the jerks :)

I know you probably already realized that.

[Bunny]

9. Yeah, that's true.

Most are more discreet - they'll say something like "height and weight proportional".

[lukasahero]

11. God I'm glad I'm out of that loop

now. What a wonderful world. :(

[raccoon]

7. Dr. Joy Brown used to say to callers, when the caller complained

about all their relationships being crappy, "All these relationships have one thing in common and that's YOU."

And yeah, it's always easier to say, "All men/women are (fill in unpleasant characteristic here)" than it is to look at yourself.

[ScreamingMeemie]

13. I got in trouble for saying that to my mother in law once.

:hi:

[Crazy Dave]

6. I used to crack-up over guys who would start dating a stripper...

...then want them to quit. I'm mean come on...she was a stripper when you met her and you liked her just fine then :rofl: