The older I get, the less tolerant I am of stupidity.

[IdaBriggs]

Sigh. It used to be that people I was "friends" with would do stupid or self destructive things, and I would be empathic / sympathetic / supportive. Now I just find it irritating. Its like I'm thinking, "it was okay to be THAT stupid when you were young, but you are HOW OLD now -- and you're doing WHAT?"

Examples:

* Fifty year old friend who doesn't pay her car insurance because of "other priorities" -- I'm not going to feel sorry for her when she gets caught. In fact, I *want* her to get caught, preferably before she or her MORAN husband get into ANOTHER car accident. (This has been going on for twenty years now!)

* Early thirties guy whose brother has been convicted of SEXUALLY MOLESTING HIS THIRTEEN YEAR OLD STEP-DAUGHTER MORE THAN ONCE, and yet, this guy (and his wife) still allow the brother around their children (currently only when they are around, because it just happened last year, and his parole requires it). They are "confident" he won't re-offend because when he did it last year, he was "depressed" -- and that makes it all better, right?

* Late thirties woman who was providing illegal drugs to minors (including her own child) because "if they got it from her, then she could be confident about the quality issues." The fact she was making money off of them was just a side benefit.

* Or the thirty something year old guy who was publicly cheating on his wife; he introduced his mistress to all of his friends; apparently some of them found her charming enough to invite to their wedding. Loser-Boy attended the wedding with his wife and three children, sent the wife home with the kids because it was an "adults only" reception, and spent the rest of the evening with his mistress on his lap. Later, after he and his wife were getting a divorce, the mistress cheated on him, and he actually had the NERVE to kvetch about his suffering to his soon to be (ex) wife.

* Or the mid thirty something wife who decided to cheat on her husband, but record the whole thing, complete with sexual details and comparisons between the performance of her lover and husband, in her journal. Hubby started getting suspicious as she got "less careful," ended up reading the journal (after other proof of infidelity, denied by the wife, was found), and then tried to turn the fight back around on HIM with a self righteous attack on his "invasion of her privacy."

I'll be honest; I just don't want to be involved in this type of crap. These types of STUPIDITY are just self-created crisis, and frankly, I don't have the time or energy anymore to be play "supportive sounding board" for folks who are indulging in this type of nonsense. REAL LIFE is always full of stuff that's painful to deal with; self destructive stupidity with no intention of "making life better" just seems like a waste of my time. In all five of the examples I've cited, the behavior was ongoing, and there was a complete DENIAL of possible negative consequences. While I still "care" about some of the people I've mentioned, there has been a SERIOUS "distancing" from them. They might be fun people, but I don't *respect them* or the choices they make; I don't consider them people I wish to emulate, and therefore, I really don't want to be around them anymore.

My husband says its because I'm getting "judgmental" and he's right. Slow motion train wrecks aren't as appealing as they used to be, and I've learned over the years that trying to jump in front of them is a good way to get smashed up myself. I'm still "here" for a lot of people; I just don't have as much interest in the ones who *NEVER* seem to learn, if you know what I mean.

Sigh. Anyone else been through this type of "life change" or am I just turning cynical in my advancing years?

[Kali]

1. I feel like you do

but then I don't have a lot of friends to put up with whatever stupid shit I may do or be doing (don't think I am, but that could just be my perspective :crazy: )

Whereas people more tolerant of that kind of stuff (thinking my sister and my husband) still have many of their childhood friends....I guess that is the trade-off.

[IdaBriggs]

2. I'm still friends with folks I've known over twenty years --

the ones I've stayed "close" with don't *DO* that stuff. The ones I've been "distancing" from are the ones who just don't seem to get it. I'm pretty lucky (all in all); I did a lot of my "learning experiences" when I was younger, so I guess I just naturally assume other people did, too. :)

[Richard Steele]

3. I don't know if what you describe even counts as "stupidity".

I know where you're coming from, and I totally agree.

But don't you feel that "stupidity" is just not a good
enough word to sum up the CONCEPT involved here?

We need a better word, a much more NEGATIVE and ALL-ENCOMPASSING
word, to describe things like this.

Sweetie has a degree in French- I bet the French have a
word for shit like this, and she'd know it.
Them folks got real good words for stuff like this.

Of course, there's a very good chance that their word
for this degree of insane stupidity is "American".

[Lautremont]

4. That's funny - with me it's the opposite.

The less tolerant of stupidity I become, the older I get.

[Heidi]

5. I'm okay with stupidity, but willful ignorance is another matter entirely.

[Rowdyboy]

6. Actually, its a joke in our household....We've both gotten much more

"difficult" with age. I'm no longer willing to pay for inadeqate merchandise or over-compensate in tips for inferior service. If restaurant food is delivered lukewarm, I send it back. If newspapers aren't delivered, I refuse to pay for them.

When you reach a certain age, you really don't HAVE to give a shit anymore. I'm there now and I love it.

[dpbrown]

7. Tough love

I just tell people "that's stupid" nowadays.

[acmavm]

8. No offense but where did you find these people? I know some

real wingers but sheesh, this crowd makes them sound normal.

[Bassic]

9. Me too.

I'm only 27 and stupidity already annoys me to the point of often making me angry. Do you think I'll be a grumpy old man some day? :D

[Avalux]

10. I don't have time for it.

As I've gotten older, I'm much more focused on myself and my life and don't worry about other people's problems. I have a good friend whose life is such a mess, every time we get together all she does is boo hoo and complain and even though I give her advice on simple things she can do, she seems to enjoy the suffering and doesn't even make an attempt to change what she can. I made the decision to not speak to her for awhile because every time I do I get stressed out.

Setting boundaries is a good thing.


:hi:

[Kerrytravelers]

11. We're 30, and we really distance people like this as well.

Friendship is both giving and receiving. When people just take take take all the time, there isn't a friendship, just a place to dump all your problems.

We have friends who have experienced trauma. We're there for them. But people who create their own messes time and time again have little interest for me.

[raccoon]

12. I disagree with your husband. I don't think you're being judgemental.

The problems these folks have that you've listed here are mostly of their own making.

I have no patience with that either. I think you are wise to distance yourself from them.

[JitterbugPerfume]

13. Me too Ida

I just want to smack some people upside the damn head

I am turning into a crochety old woman