Robb
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Mon Oct-30-06 08:55 AM
Original message |
Dating Deal-killers, Vol. II |
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OK, so I'm not dating or anything. Not by a long shot. But, see, I met this girl and stuff... :rofl:
Look, here's the question for the morning: what are your red flags, deal killers, "whoops-time-to-go" signs? I had two go off -- astrology and Playstation -- and kind of ignored them for the moment.
What are the things that trigger your flight instinct in people you're otherwise attracted to? And does that mechanism always work for you? :D
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Kutjara
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Mon Oct-30-06 09:00 AM
Response to Original message |
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For me, the only thing that makes me think someone might not be right for me is a lack of curiosity and a poor sense of humor. Any other eccentricities or oddities I view as something new to learn about. I spent five of the happiest years of my life with a total headcase new-age hippy homeopathic astrologer, and I'm pretty much the most cold-eyed rationalist you're ever likely to meet. It was a recipe for disaster that worked out very well.
Nothing is a deal killer except heartlessness.
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derby378
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Mon Oct-30-06 10:59 AM
Response to Reply #1 |
10. Homeopathic astrologer? |
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Interesting. I have a bunch of really old issues of the Journal of the American Institute of Homeopathy, but it's for historical research purposes - I'm strictly stethoscope-and-penicillin medicine, myself.
BTW, the American Institute of Homeopathy was actually founded a year or two before the AMA, making them America's first national medical organization. Just a little Monday morning trivia for you...
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NashVegas
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Mon Oct-30-06 09:33 AM
Response to Original message |
2. Getting Drunk Very Early In |
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If someone can't cope with the stress of early dating, I don't want to think about what other things they may not cope well with.
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Bunny
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Mon Oct-30-06 10:05 AM
Response to Original message |
3. Substance abuse. Bad behavior toward wait staff, sales clerks, pets, etc. |
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Extreme Republicanism. Being inexplicably jobless. Poor hygiene.
I'm 48 and I've seen and overlooked a lot of bad behavior in my day. If I were actively dating now, I'd be pretty strict about the kinds of things I'd put up with. I guess I'm to the point where I don't need any more drama or excitement.
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tk2kewl
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Mon Oct-30-06 10:11 AM
Response to Original message |
XemaSab
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Mon Oct-30-06 10:15 AM
Response to Original message |
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Being gay.
Being a drug addict.
Being mean.
Being a total wimp.
Being incurious.
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tjwmason
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:07 AM
Response to Reply #5 |
12. What's wrong with gays? |
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bloody homophobe. :grr:
Only joking - of course. :hi:
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LostinVA
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:37 AM
Response to Reply #5 |
17. I always knew you were anti-gay?! |
HarukaTheTrophyWife
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:48 AM
Response to Reply #17 |
19. Yeah, I'm a total heterophobe. |
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I don't date straight people.
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gmoney
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Mon Oct-30-06 08:19 PM
Response to Reply #19 |
58. That's not what I've heard... |
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Edited on Mon Oct-30-06 08:19 PM by gmoney
Toaster-monger... ;)
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HarukaTheTrophyWife
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Mon Oct-30-06 08:52 PM
Response to Reply #58 |
62. The operative word was *date.* |
XemaSab
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Mon Oct-30-06 09:56 PM
Response to Reply #17 |
64. Sorry, should have clarified... |
LSK
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Mon Oct-30-06 04:09 PM
Response to Reply #5 |
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Being gay. Nope
Being a drug addict. Nope
Being mean. Nope
Being a total wimp. Nope (I have GD scars to show for it :D )
Being incurious. Damn you and your big words (Nope)
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MissMillie
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Mon Oct-30-06 10:29 AM
Response to Original message |
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is any man who says he'll never marry or never marry again.
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LeftyMom
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Mon Oct-30-06 10:40 AM
Response to Original message |
7. omnis, less-than-left politics, funky teeth, any significant degree of religiousness nt |
petronius
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:46 AM
Response to Reply #7 |
18. omnis? - As in the car? |
LeftyMom
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:49 AM
Response to Reply #18 |
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I figure dating anybody I would want to change isn't really fair to either party, so I made that rule for myself a while back.
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petronius
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:58 AM
Response to Reply #20 |
21. Gotcha - that's a good rule |
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I've never heard of a successful relationship where one party went in with the hope or expectation of changing the other...
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LynneSin
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Mon Oct-30-06 10:41 AM
Response to Original message |
8. "I think George Bush is taking this country in the right decision" |
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:scared:
Life is too short for me to date republicans
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supernova
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Mon Oct-30-06 10:44 AM
Response to Original message |
9. My list goes like this |
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Selfishness to the point of not being considerate of me. I once had a guy -- we knew each other but met accidentally at a street fair -- want to debate with me about where to have dinner. I was extremely tired after walking around the fair all day and said I'd go only on the condition that it was within walking distance. We were smack dab downtown Raleigh, Moore Sq, to be exact. Tons of places to eat. He wanted to drive somewhere. Long story short, I wound up driving my car to a place I didn't want to go and also paying for dinner too, since he didn't have his wallet with him, either. :eyes: I will never do that again. EVER.
No sense of humor. Too serious. Doesn't crack a smile. I'm serious also, but I try to be lighthearted.
Lack of curiosity. This is something I don't enjoy about certain people. Way to comfortable and smug about their beliefs and their place in the world. I want a curious intellect and one that actively tries to engage the world.
Other than that, I'm open.
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UncleSepp
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:06 AM
Response to Original message |
11. Lack of curiosity or humor, drama-queen-behavior, judgmental personality |
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The need to be superior or always the center of attention also kills the deal for me.
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Marie26
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:09 AM
Response to Original message |
Divameow77
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:09 AM
Response to Original message |
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listed in post # 3 and someone who ignores my children. That may be into the relationship already and it hasn't happened to me yet, but that would definitely make me call it quits.
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wildhorses
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:16 AM
Response to Original message |
15. NO J-O-B!!! drinking, drugging, cigarette smoking (if I had |
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Edited on Mon Oct-30-06 11:18 AM by wildhorses
known from the beginning that TheSmoker was a smoker I would never gone out with him) which brings me to the LYING...He LIED...Not Good!!! 3 strikes and you're outta here. I am thinking that the smoking is strike 1 and the lie was strike 2 so he is/was in trouble at the onset.
I like him and enjoy my time with him but, I am in no hurry for it to go farther...
other red flags for me: excessive partying no place to live politics spirituality no goals or future plans/no dreams rudeness
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idgiehkt
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Mon Oct-30-06 05:46 PM
Response to Reply #15 |
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this is just classic:
"If I had known from the beginning that The Smoker was a smoker I would have never gone out with him...which brings me to the LYING..."
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
I agree, don't want cigs, drugs, or drinking, just because those are former problems for me and I don't need anymore challenges to confront on a daily basis in my life. I like people who are kind of freak-of-nature smart, and they are rare...the person has to be intelligent and of course no body right-wing or unaware of what is going on politically or thinks (or ever thought) the war in Iraq was a good idea.
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hfojvt
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Tue Oct-31-06 03:03 AM
Response to Reply #15 |
71. I don't have a job, but I am looking for one, but |
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I don't wanna process anything, package anything or ship anything. I don't wanna ship anything that's been processed or packaged, process anything that's been packaged or shipped, or package anything that's been shipped or processed. A job like that is hard to find, so until I do, I figured I would just work full time making you happy. :*
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La Lioness Priyanka
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:19 AM
Response to Original message |
16. vegans, drug abuse, religion, not being a democrat, being married |
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age (3 years younger or upto 4 years older)...
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RetroLounge
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:58 AM
Response to Original message |
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Republican.
No books, or doesn't read.
Married
Packer Fan.
Owns more than 5 cats and is not on a farm.
Lives in another state.
Weighs more than I do. (Shallow, I know).
No curiosity, creativity or wonder.
RL
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ScreamingMeemie
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Mon Oct-30-06 11:59 AM
Response to Reply #22 |
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Alas, we are stuck as friends...for life, I hope. :hug:
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ThomCat
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Mon Oct-30-06 12:02 PM
Response to Original message |
24. Smoking, drinking, religion... |
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You know, all the things that people get addicted to. I can be very close friends with people who have addictive personalities, but I can't date someone with addiction problems.
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ScreamingMeemie
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Mon Oct-30-06 12:04 PM
Response to Original message |
25. Assuming I needed a date... |
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I guess bad attitudes, no sense of humor, extreme (i.e. heroin) drug use, child hater (I would come with baggage), Eagles fans, Cowboys fans, Cardinals fans, Bears fans... and people who lie.
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Guava Jelly
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Mon Oct-30-06 12:05 PM
Response to Original message |
26. if she said "Beat it ya troll" I don't think i could date her |
puerco-bellies
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Mon Oct-30-06 12:05 PM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Mon Oct-30-06 12:09 PM by puerco-bellies
Every psych major I've had a relationship with has been a little crazier then me. Not that crazy is bad, but any relationship with two wacko's involved can be a little too "stimulating".
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idgiehkt
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Mon Oct-30-06 07:24 PM
Response to Reply #27 |
53. i think you have something there. |
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Plus you will be analyzed to death all the time.
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demdiva
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Mon Oct-30-06 07:56 PM
Response to Reply #27 |
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for me architects. you have to be just a little bit off to get through architecture school.
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Evoman
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Tue Oct-31-06 01:53 AM
Response to Reply #27 |
67. My ex-girlfriend, the psycho major, told me I had a type B personality and |
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every time she tried to get me mad (always testing me that one), I would ignore her lol. I think it drove her up the wall that our relationship didn't have enough problems in it.
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NMMNG
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Tue Oct-31-06 05:16 AM
Response to Reply #27 |
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And I am not crazier than you! :crazy:
:P
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NewWaveChick1981
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Mon Oct-30-06 12:07 PM
Response to Original message |
28. Assuming I were in the market (which I'm not, but I have been before): |
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Smoking, excessive drug use, being a Repuke and/or fundie, being extremely anal retentive (maybe that's shallow, but I can't STAND it...), being narrow-minded, being nasty to other people when there is no reason to, being overly dependent/clingy/needy, bad attitude, and no sense of humor.
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hyde
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Mon Oct-30-06 12:33 PM
Response to Reply #28 |
30. my potential partner can't be or have any of these things: |
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-a Smoker -an excessive partier -Cats -selfish -a liar -a large SUV -a repub -clingy -boring -a mullet
I think that's about it.
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lildreamer316
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Mon Oct-30-06 08:17 PM
Response to Reply #30 |
57. Cats? Oh, you're in trouble here!! |
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The Lounge just Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvs us some cats!! Anyway, welcome to DU!!!
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bikebloke
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Mon Oct-30-06 12:25 PM
Response to Original message |
29. Many already mentioned |
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Smoking, drugging, excessive alcohol intake and repubalqaedans - beentheredonethat. But what really sends me rocketing towards the horizon are the ones who are following some made-for-TV script. One said, we've dated this long, so it's time to dress up and go to the Kennedy Center.
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Missy Vixen
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Mon Oct-30-06 03:11 PM
Response to Original message |
31. If I was still dating |
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I'd be wary of the following:
1. Anyone who starts a conversation 15 minutes after we've met with "my ex is such a ________ (pick the obscenity of your choice)." I realize that some exes are a huge problem. At the same time, it didn't fail me once during The Dating Years.
2. Can't laugh at themselves
3. Overly impressed with himself -- narcissistic, self-centered.
Julie
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Connonym
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Mon Oct-30-06 03:33 PM
Response to Reply #31 |
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I was just having this conversation with Oedi. Most of the same things as the rest of you. - Republicanism - Intolerant/prejudiced - Bi (not from a homophobic standpoint but because I'm too neurotic to want a partner who likes parts I can't provide) - Doesn't like my kids - Religious - Abusive of substance or people
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AngryAmish
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Mon Oct-30-06 03:25 PM
Response to Original message |
32. Someone who didn't have their own friends |
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If someone cannot maintain a friendly relationship for a period of years then their romantic attachments also would run shallow.
I don't trust people who only have friends from work. It is mercenary.
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ceile
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Mon Oct-30-06 03:30 PM
Response to Original message |
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especially if it's about themselves. -in a "band" -brags about anything: money, schooling, car, etc.
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SlavesandBulldozers
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Mon Oct-30-06 08:51 PM
Response to Reply #33 |
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yeah. I'm "in a band", but I'll be damned if I'm gonna be THAT guy. it's not a bragging point, just a hobby really.
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Crazy Dave
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Mon Oct-30-06 03:33 PM
Response to Original message |
35. On the cell phone constantly.... |
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...all night with other people meant a very short night and the last time we'd go out. I'd say something like "would you like me to take you and your phone home or drop you off somewhere where the two of you can be alone?" Sure, a mom needing to check in on her kids or the kids calling her, but talking all night with different friends wondering where they are or they wondering where you are, etc.
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IronLionZion
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Mon Oct-30-06 03:34 PM
Response to Original message |
36. psychotic behavior, negativity, materialistic, narrow-minded, |
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controlling, manipulative, dishonest, overly dramatic, "touch-me-not", heavier than me,
The biggest deal breaker for me would be if she has a jealous ex. I don't want to play that game.
I would have no problem with her political, cultural, or religious views whatsoever. In fact I think someone different from me would make for some lively conversations. It's boring if you agree on everything.
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REP
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Mon Oct-30-06 04:05 PM
Response to Original message |
37. Having or Wanting Children; Living With Parents |
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Back when I was dating, #1 was the hardest; seems as though all those men who don't want kiddies are a myth! I did find one, and I've kept him for 14+ years!
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kwassa
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Mon Oct-30-06 04:06 PM
Response to Original message |
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A lack of curiousity about the world and things outside of their immediate lives.
Means there will never be interesting conversations, and I must flee! Flee! Can't be with someone I can't talk to.
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Broken_Hero
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Mon Oct-30-06 04:09 PM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Mon Oct-30-06 04:11 PM by petersond
the give/caring aspect of the woman...if she demands I pay for everything, like dinner, movies, her clothes...things like that, I take flight fast...at first, it isn't bad, its a part of dating, but I believe in the give/take of dating expenses. As for caring, if she is callous rude to other people, another huge flight warning for me...
Another one, craziness, deamoner, and ability to have a conversation...if I talk politics, and ask the woman "what do you think of X and Y?" and they respond by saying "nothing, whatever you think" thats another warning sign to me...having an intelligent conversation/debate with your SO is a big bonus in my book...
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Connonym
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Mon Oct-30-06 05:06 PM
Response to Reply #40 |
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Women expect you to buy clothing when you date them? Seriously? I'll usually let a man pay for the first date if he feels strongly about it but after that I'm adamant about paying my own way. I can't even imagine expecting otherwise in this day and age.
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Broken_Hero
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Mon Oct-30-06 05:16 PM
Response to Reply #41 |
42. yep, its happened quite a |
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bit in my dating life...like I'm nothing but an atm machine, when I realize thats what the relationship is, I take flight, and move on...
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crim son
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Mon Oct-30-06 05:16 PM
Response to Original message |
43. I won't date a man who: |
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smokes is a fanatic dog lover watches television sports more than two hours a week has no sense of humor is fearful doesn't like to dance wears baseball caps is married has a past lover whom he's "over" but who appears regularly in all conversations is smaller than I am protects himself at the expense of me, or my children, or anybody else for that matter is jobless unless there's a damned good reason has no penis. I like the penis :)
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taterguy
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Mon Oct-30-06 05:41 PM
Response to Reply #43 |
44. why the hate for baseball caps? |
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Seriously, I wear them because they're comfortable and the visor eliminates sun glare, I hate wearing sun glasses. I'm asking out of curiousity, not because I want to date you since several other things on your list disqualify me.
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crim son
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Mon Oct-30-06 05:47 PM
Response to Reply #44 |
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Edited on Mon Oct-30-06 05:54 PM by crim son
I wasn't suspecting you wanted to date me!
Umm, I guess it symbolizes something to me... a man who conforms, a man who probably has nothing in common with me. I also hate running shoes and cowboy boots. I'm odd. I don't care if somebody owns a cap or two, or if they wear them now and then. But if I go out at night (that is, no sun anywhere near and no cause in the world for head protection) and you approach me in your cap, I'll make a comment, as I would if you smelled of smoke. Last time I did that, by the way, the gentleman took off the cap, went outside and put it in his car. We danced all night. :)
Oh, and P.S. I hope my preferences don't offend. Look, I'm relatively skinny and small breasted which disqualifies me as a prospective mate for about 90% of men. Whaddya gonna do? :shrug:
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Lydia Leftcoast
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Mon Oct-30-06 07:52 PM
Response to Reply #47 |
54. Baseball caps are okay if you're actually doing some outdoor activity |
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But wearing a baseball cap indoors says, "Little boy who never grew up."
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Deja Q
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Mon Oct-30-06 05:43 PM
Response to Original message |
45. All they need do is beckon me over. |
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Don't ask why, but I do get intimidated. The reasons are more or less obvious, but I still live to talk about it.
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leftofthedial
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Mon Oct-30-06 05:52 PM
Response to Original message |
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republican (somewhat redundant with #1)
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skygazer
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Mon Oct-30-06 06:26 PM
Response to Original message |
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1. Use of any drug other than marijuana (which I don't consider a drug anyway).
2. Dishonesty.
3. Shady dealings of any sort - any inclination toward the illegal (except for the aforementioned pot use).
I can put up with smoking and drinking (as long as the person has a job and is productive - I have no interest in supporting anyone). I can put up with a differing poliitical view even as long as they respect mine.
My caveats mostly come from spending several years with a liar, drug user/dealer and career criminal. Of all the bad qualities I've found in people, his were the worst. He's ruined lying, drug dealing, using criminals for me. :cry:
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Dukkha
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Mon Oct-30-06 06:37 PM
Response to Original message |
50. my instant disqualifications |
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dog fanatic likes reality TV watches MTV listens to rap and/or country regularly shops at Wal Mart has no creativity dresses like a skank unrefined obnoxious demeanor is a career obsessed work-a-holic
FORMER disqualifications killed by my girlfriend: cannot be a divorcee no children
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WritingIsMyReligion
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Mon Oct-30-06 06:46 PM
Response to Original message |
51. Neocon-ism. Any serious degree of religious. |
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Any offhand misogynist "jokes" that are supposed to be ha-ha funny.
A lack of a general sense of humor beyond that.
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Elidor
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Mon Oct-30-06 07:14 PM
Response to Original message |
52. So if I have a Playstation, I can't date you? |
demdiva
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Mon Oct-30-06 07:55 PM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Mon Oct-30-06 08:29 PM by demdiva
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alarimer
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Mon Oct-30-06 08:24 PM
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59. Smoking, Republicanism, proselytizing |
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Edited on Mon Oct-30-06 08:26 PM by alarimer
extreme redneckism. I have to say I have only met one person who tried to convert me but it was clearly a non-starter.
Lying should be up there too. I went out with a guy for months before I found out he was still MARRIED. He told me he was divorced. Not quite. Stupid me wondered why I never got to meet his friends!!!
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Left Is Write
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Mon Oct-30-06 08:38 PM
Response to Original message |
60. Untreated alcoholism, chronic grumpiness, entitlement... |
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and any indicator, no matter how small, that he has significant control issues.
Another deal-breaker for me is very conservative politics and particularly an embracing of political positions that encourage turning women into second class citizens.
I can deal with someone whose politics don't exactly match mine, but for the greatest harmony, he should definitely be left of center.
However, Mr. LIW wouldn't like it if I started dating, so these issues aren't terribly important anymore. ;)
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Mutley
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Mon Oct-30-06 08:56 PM
Response to Original message |
63. Lying, and excessive anger. |
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I can find a way to deal with almost anything else if I like someone enough. But I can't stand lying and anger.
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Lydia Leftcoast
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Tue Oct-31-06 01:06 AM
Response to Original message |
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Smoking Right-wing politics Fundamentalism or any other kind of rigid dogmatic insistance that everyone who doesn't share all their attitudes/beliefs/practices is stupid/immoral/devious/stubborn/callous, whatever Lack of humor, often indicated by dead eyes Sports fanaticism Belief that a trophy house in the suburbs with two SUVs in the driveway is The Good Life Can't talk about anything but work, sports, and the latest reality TV show Can't take care of himself (If he lives on pizza and fast food, is still wearing faded shirts from high school, and can be smelled from three feet away--you think I'm exaggerating?) Recreational arguing, i.e. arguing for the sake of arguing or trying to pick fights over trivia Deficiency in basic courtesy (such as showing up an hour late to take me to a party because he's caught up in a really absorbing D&D session) Lack of intellectual curiosity Fear of stepping out of his comfort zone, the type who won't do something or go somewhere unfamiliar because he MIGHT fail it or MIGHT look stupid or "the guys" might laugh at him Alcoholism (as suggested by such clues as having three Manhattans before dinner and another during--"No, I think I'll take the bus home, but thanks anyway"--or showing up drunk to pick me up) Rudeness to service people Racism (I once went out with a man who crossed the street because some black people were waiting at the light rail stop on the side of the street where we were walking) Thinks that "real men" aren't interested in the arts
So it's not surprising that I'm single.
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Evoman
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Tue Oct-31-06 02:07 AM
Response to Reply #65 |
70. Ha! I'm your perfect mate...cept I'm not single, lol. |
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I am absolutely none of the things on your list.
If it wasn't for my arrogance, I would be the perfect man ;)
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Porcupine
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Tue Oct-31-06 01:36 AM
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66. Illiterate, aliterate, ramen and pit bull no-culture, cell & i-pod borgs. |
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other warning signs.
"I'm in a band."- couldn't scare me faster with a skunk
"I let the dogs sleep in my bed."- too obvious for words.
"I want a man who knows where he's going."- buy a train set; they're more predictable and cheaper.
"Loves to travel"- Men are not Cruise Ships or walking ATM's.
"Living life to the fullest"- watching Oprah to the fullest.
"Likes motorcycles and jet ski's"- :scared:
"Must like horses"- bring a shovel; you know which end of the horse you're going to get to know.
and of course- "Must Love Jesus"
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MrScorpio
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Tue Oct-31-06 01:54 AM
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Evoman
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Tue Oct-31-06 02:00 AM
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69. Here are some of my deal breakers |
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Edited on Tue Oct-31-06 02:04 AM by Evoman
a)Women who like to test me. I like to fail on purpose (not only because I feel like they are insulting my intelligence, but because I hate people who purposefully create problems for me).
b)Women who like to "have guys whipped". I absolutely refuse to be controlled or manipulated..and I hate it when people make jokes about me "needing a women to keep me in line". No, I don't, thank you. I like myself.
c)Women who disturb my peace. I'm a very relaxed person..I like to party every so often, but when I'm at home, I don't care for any drama. If you want drama, find someone elese. If you like to constantly party, find someone else.
d)Women who aren't hot. Yeah, so I'm shallow. Fucking sue me. I don't wanna date or marry someone who isn't physically appealing. I don't HAVE to settle, so why SHOULD I?
e)Overly-religious people or people who don't like sick humour.
f)People who aren't particularly horny...I needs me to bumpin' n grindin'. Lol...also, I probably wouldn't date someone who wouldn't have sex with me after two months of dating (or even that long).
On edit: For a lot of men, a women who can't cook is a deal breaker. I could give a damn..I cook a hell of a lot better than a lot of women. In fact, I prefer to cook, cause that means I don't have to wash the dishes (he who cooks should not wash the dishes...rule around my house).
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Lilith Velkor
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Tue Oct-31-06 04:41 AM
Response to Reply #69 |
73. That's the same as me |
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Except I'm usually into men. Cheers. :toast:
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darkism
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Tue Oct-31-06 03:51 AM
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72. Vegans and judgmental vegetarians n/t |
NMMNG
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Tue Oct-31-06 05:24 AM
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Neocons and other hateful types. Radical religiosity. Smoking. Hard drug use (anything harder than pot) or heavy pot/alcohol use. Anyone who is cruel to animals, children, the disabled or anybody else who cannot fully protect themselves. Anyone who is rude to store/restaurant/business staff. Greedy people.
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Tue May 07th 2024, 12:42 PM
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