To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door

[1monster]

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bath room. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money
3 Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

[mainegreen]

1. I hear you on the bathroom thing!

:rofl:

[LynneSin]

6. I don't even close the bathroom door

And I can guarentee one of them has to come checking things out if I'm in there. Evita is notorious for sticking her nose right in there if I'm sitting on the can

[NewWaveChick1981]

7. ROFLMAO! Our dog Kara (RIP) would try to head-butt the bathroom

door open if we had it closed. :rofl: I'd usually just leave it cracked so she could slam the door open with her head rather than cracking her skull. Once, when my mom was visiting, she had closed the door all the way. Kara tried to head-butt the door and slammed into it, and she sort of bounced back and grumped. :rofl:

[NewWaveChick1981]

2. ROFLMAO!!!

I'm printing this off RIGHT NOW and putting it on the fridge door. My dogs are ON NOTICE!!!! :rofl: :hi:

[undeterred]

3. excellent!

but all dogs think their butts are the center of the universe, and therefore the bed

[bigwillq]

4. LOL!

That's great! :hi:

[Sequoia]

5. Sent to my buddies with pets

Thanks. Very cute. Everything's cute today just about.

[Lars39]

8. Re: feline bathroom attendence...did you catch Bertha's thread?

I still haven't caught my breath from that one. :rofl:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=5822088

[1monster]

9. Since I have eight cats living in my home, I keep the lid down!

And make sure I push the cat off before opening it...