Verdict from the March 1, 2009, RICO trial of the Republican Party

[jmowreader]

We, the members of the Court, hereby find the Republican Party of the United States, also known as the Grand Old Party, to be in violation of the Racketeering Influenced Corrupt Organizations Act.

The following penalties are levied.

The current Republican Party is abolished effective immediately.

The entire leadership of the Republican Party is hereby, and forever, barred from participating in the American political system as they have proven incapable of doing so in an honest manner. No member of the Republican Party leadership, nor any lobbyist who works primarily with the Republican Party, may run for election, stand as a write-in candidate, accept any political office whatsoever, work polls, volunteer, or in any other way participate in the democratic process. They may vote, but only on Diebold equipment which has been programmed to flip their votes to Democratic candidates.

A party to be called the New Republican Party will be formed for political conservatives.

The New Republican Party, which may never refer to itself as the 'Grand Old Party' or attempt to associate itself with honest Republicans like Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Dwight D. Eisenhower or Richard Nixon, under pain of immediate dissolution, will not be certified to field a candidate for the presidency before the year 2024.

The New Republican Party will also cease the use of the Elephant symbol which was the trademark of the Republican Party of the United States. The New Republican Party is hereby ordered to adopt the Two-Headed Crocodile as its symbol, on the grounds that like the Two-Headed Crocodile, conservatives are both completely full of shit and mean enough to be dangerous.