Is there some kind of law that says you have to hate your exes?

[HEyHEY]

As I explained in this thread... I'm now single.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x5846755#5847766

So, anyone I talk to and tell them that I'm flying up to see her tomorrow all look at me like, "You're still going?" And tell me I should rip up the ticket and all that kind of stuff.
Shit, just cause things aren't working out at this particular moment doesn't mean you have to be mean and nasty and cut them out of your life.
I don't get that.... what's up?

[TrogL]

1. My ex-wife and I are best friends

She lives (with some of the kids) across the alley.

My current GF can't decide whether to be amused or bemused.

[hfojvt]

2. I've never hated any of my exes, not even the one I dumped

but I also cannot see any point to being friends with them. Unless you have kids, and that's another story.

[MissHoneychurch]

3. My parents stayed friends after they seperated

and my mom was there when my dad was dying. No bad blood between them.

[China_cat]

4. I had 2.

One was abusive and died and I was really glad. The other I often refer to as my favorite ex-husband and we were always better friends than mates. He died not too long ago and I'm still having a hard time believing he's actually gone. Did you ever know someone who was 'golden'? Who managed to somehow defeat every bad thing in his/her life...who showed the true meaning of the saying 'falling in shit and coming up smelling like roses'? That was this man. I had absolutely no doubt that he'd beat the brain tumor.

I was wrong.

[DarkmoonIkonoklast]

10. He left his gold to you... use it well!

:hug:

[billyskank]

5. Nope, no such law

It may be fairly orthodox to do so, but do not feel obliged, especially if you genuinely don't bear her any ill-will. You are a good man.

:hi:

[buddhamama]

6. no. i've remained friends with my exes, save one.

:shrug:

[Bassic]

7. I've remained on good terms with most of them,

But I don't see them very often either.

[DarkmoonIkonoklast]

8. If there is, bust me now!

   Two of my dearest, most trusted friends (and adopted sisters) are exes.
   "Cheryl" and I broke up back '74, lost touch for years before re-connecting in '80... lost touch again 2 years later when she followed her heart to Georgia, before finding each other again (this time for keeps!) in '85...
   "Marie" and I split in '84, re-connected in '88 and haven't let go since...
   We've seen each other through 8 bad marriages (and subsequent broken hearts), 6 kids and too much angst for even an Aaron Spelling marathon... I would trust either with my life, my fortune and my hope of eternal life... indeed, I have done, more than once, with each and would not hesitate to do so again!
   For their part, for decades, each of them has done me the honor of coming to me with heart and soul and trust, and continues to trust me and love me... as I do them!
   The fact that two people cannot live together does not mean that they can't be the closest, dearest and most trusted of friends.
   I know. I have been thus blessed. May you be so blessed also!

[NewWaveChick1981]

9. I really wanted to hate my ex-BF but found I couldn't.

Some of the things he did were deceitful and painful, and I was angry at him for treating me like that. But as much as I wanted to, I couldn't hate him. It took a long time for me to be able to say that, although I knew it all along. I am on good terms with him now and consider him a friend. :)

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

12. Same here with my ex.

I care my ex so much that I regret all the times that I spent being mad at him and cursing for no reason. If anything were to ever happen to him I would be so heartbroken.

[NewWaveChick1981]

14. We understand each other perfectly!

:hug: That's the way it is for me too. :) I couldn't hate someone who had once meant so much to me. I've always cared about him a great deal, and you can't hate someone (at least I can't) when you care that much. :)

[cwydro]

11. I'm friends with all my exes

except one.

[LostinVA]

13. No -- I'm very close to my "latest" ex

We were able to salvage an imploding relationship and turn it into a close friendship. I trust her more with things than I do my sister. It's up to the individuals. Don't worry what people say.

Now, some of them I'd like to strangle!!!

[northzax]

15. I don't hate my most recent

but I don't want to ever talk to her again (long story short, instead of being honest in breaking up with me, after 7 years, no less, she, knowing me better than anyone else, took all my insecurities and used them to justify breaking up with me. imagine being insecure about being short, for instance, this hasn't changed in 7 years, but it's the reason given for the breakup, that's an example, I am not actually short :) ) to be so casually cruel is why I simply don't care for her (and worth noting, every single mutual friend dropped her, so I am not alone in thinking this)

but hate's just too much work, you know?

[LynzM]

16. Nope, no rule...

Although in some cases you can't really talk or be friends again until years later. But I've never truly hated anyone I've split up with. Not talked, yes. But not hated. My high school ex DJ'd my wedding :rofl:

[JVS]

17. It makes for a cleaner end to the situation

There is no law, but what you're doing puts you in a bad situation. The offer you have made "We're done, but if you call me we're back on in a heartbeat" puts you in the position of being used like a yo-yo. When times are tough and she needs support, you get the call. When she's OK or when you need support, well good luck to you.

[fizzgig]

18. i've never understood that either

i still live with my ex and we have so much fun together, we are much better off as friends rather than a couple.

[Phillycat]

19. Fuck being "friends".

You've seen me naked, and now we're not together anymore. You don't exist. Period.

[JVS]

26. Right on

[Lilith Velkor]

20. Yes, unless you actually do hate your ex, then you have to be "friends"

IOW, some people just can't stand it if you do anything different from them. Fuck 'em, that's their problem. :shrug:

[BarenakedLady]

21. I'm still friendly with most of mine

I even got together with one a few summers ago (with his wife and kids and my kids) at their house. It was nice. His wife and I still exchange email pictures of our kids.

Only one hurt me too badly for any further contact.

[RumpusCat]

22. It's a rule that lesbians have to be BFF with their exes

I'm serious, it's Subsection III.e.ii of the Gay Agenda! After a short period of nuclear war, that is, and then you can introduce your ex to your other ex and they'll date and... well, it's a crazy world, I tell you. :D

[LaraMN]

23. Of course not. I don't hate anyone I dated.

I admittedly would rather not run into most of them again, but I've never hated any of them.

[Withywindle]

24. I'm on friendly terms with all but one of mine...

well, and a few I've fallen out of touch with. But if our paths crossed again, I'd be glad.

But I've found if you ever really cared for the person deeply, it doesn't all stop just because the romantic/sexual part is over. They're still the same person you fell for in the first place and vice versa, usually. After a length of time has passed to get over the worst of it, there's no reason not to go back to enjoying the nonsexual things you enjoyed about their company.

The only one I've cut out altogether is an vicious fuck with a lot of personality disorders. (And even in that case, I tried - he does have some good qualities, really!)

[Mutley]

25. I don't see why people can't be friends with their exes

Some people are better suited as friends than as lovers. :shrug:

[tigereye]

27. you can still like her and be buddies

maybe it's cuz of your "screw with abandon" plans. ;)