A question for DU guys

[GirlinContempt]

You're supposed to meet some friends for some drinks. You talked to one friend as she was arriving at the meeting place and specifically told her you would be there around x time. You know she's sitting waiting for you.
And opportunity for... snoo snoo... arises. You decide to let no opportunity be wasted.

Now, do you call the friend and say you can't make it after all, or do you just not show up?
I ask this specifically of the 'guys' because I've been told that "rule of guys is if you can get laid all is good" and you don't need to adhere to (what I personally consider to be) the normal basic polite standards.

[ghostsofgiants]

1. I'd call, but I'm willing to bet I know a bunch of guys who wouldn't.

[GirlinContempt]

14. Yeah you also know a bunch of guys

who break windows for fun & games :P

[ghostsofgiants]

32. Matter of fact, it's the same guys...

Hmm, coincidence?

[GirlinContempt]

43. That really doesn't surprise me

[GOPisEvil]

2. If this person is a friend, you owe them the courtesy of a call.

[GirlinContempt]

13. That's my take on it

but I'm not a 'guy'

[Mojambo]

3. snoo snoo?

That's a new one for me.

I'd call and tell my friend a little white lie.

[ghostsofgiants]

4. It's a Futurama reference.

[Mojambo]

7. Ah okay. Thanks! n/t

[Deja Q]

25. What does it mean?

:evilgrin:

[ghostsofgiants]

31. Ha, like you need to ask.

[swimboy]

35. It means

kick back and enjoy a slurm.

[Deja Q]

37. I could really use some slurm right now...

:D

[pokerfan]

65. It's highly addictive!

I miss Futurama.

Death by snoo snoo! There are worse ways to go.

[ironflange]

94. Dear God!

You of all people should know where that stuff comes from!

[GirlinContempt]

5. it's from Futurama

[Redstone]

6. I assume this doesn't apply to married men. Because I would not allow this

situation to happen, being married as I am.

Other opinions may vary.

Redstone

[GirlinContempt]

12. If you were not married

[HEyHEY]

8. HA! I had start to finish sex in about ten minutes and STILL caught the bus

With the female party.
He should have MADE it to dinner... amatuer.

[GirlinContempt]

10. Well, some people like to savor the moment

[lukasahero]

21. Is that really something you want to brag about? ;)

Sorry, but you set yourself up for that one. :evilgrin:

[HEyHEY]

50. Hey, I won't lie - I DID apologize profusely

But, she understood as we had to catch the bus AND hadn't seen each other in five weeks. And during that time had been going through our slow breakup

[swag]

9. Gotta call

then go fuck yourself silly.

Of course I wasn't always so polite.

[GirlinContempt]

11. Well aged, my friend.

[ZombieNixon]

15. Aha! Call, because it's a female friend in question.

If it were a male friend of the same age group, you can forget calling and make up an excuse later (probably not best to snoo-snoo and tell, so to speak :P). For all other demographics, call. :)

[GirlinContempt]

16. Ah, I see.

[AllegroRondo]

19. My thoughts exactly

a male friend would understand and not need a call.

a female friend deserves a call.

[AllegroRondo]

20. dupe!

[MrCoffee]

22. there's your answer.

[Hard_Work]

34. cosign

If it's a female friend waiting, call and lie. If it's a guy, no need to call. We understand. Just make good snoo snoo.

[ghostsofgiants]

42. Then I must be in the minority...

Because if my friend is blowing me off to get laid and just leaving me hanging, fuck him.

[NewJeffCT]

17. When I was single, I'd always try to call

Though, I will admit to one time not calling... though, it was guy friends that were waiting (my D&D group, believe it or not) And, it was the first time I had gotten laid after my ex had filed for divorce.

Other times, I've called, however.

[deucemagnet]

57. I know there's a punchline in there somewhere...

...about D&D groups and getting laid, but I'll be damned if I can find it. :shrug: :hi:

[NewJeffCT]

60. our group was 50-50 that way

4 of the regulars were guys with normal social lives - wife or long term g/f. The other 4 were ones where nobody would be surprised if they were "40 year old virgins"

One time, the first group of 4 were all at a table - on time for the gaming session - while we waited for the guys in the 2nd group. The guy that was the head of the group said, "isn't it amazing how all the guys who have, well - gotten laid - are the ones who are actually here on time?"

[Solon]

63. Our group was divided 3 to 2, male and female...

The messed up part is that the women would more likely play male characters, and the guys would play female characters. Actually, one of the ladies was a girl I wanted to go out with, and I talked to her and found out she was into AD&D so I invited her in for a gaming session with our group. It was a great way to break the ice, but problems can arise as well. One of the other guys was dating the other woman and they had a blowup, he cheated on her, and some other stuff.

Me and my buddy Dave did the only chivalrous thing, not wanting to ruin the game we already had started, we kicked him out, and oddly enough, his character was killed off by a succubus immediately afterwards. We were already in the Abyss, seemed appropriate.

I was the DM, and I kept the character sheets for all characters(not showing favoritism, HONEST), but dammit, his ex became fast friends with my girlfriend, you really don't want to know HOW his character died. I took particular satisfaction in returning the character sheet back to him, stapled to a paper that SHE wrote about how his character(a male one at that) died. :)

[NewJeffCT]

97. We were a pretty open-minded group, but

Our group was pretty open-minded - the DM even kicked out a couple of new guys once because he didn't like their (out of game) racist attitudes - and the DM was a Republican, so you know these new guys were pretty bad. But, the one thing we drew the line on was cross-gender role playing. I've found too many guys over the years that play women tend to play them as slutty porn star stereotypes, or the cold ice queen tough girl or whatever. Playing dwarves or elves was fine, as long as one played the same sex.

But, every group is different. And, we did notice that when our group did have female players, the guys tended to be on better behavior, both in & out of game. So, maybe it would have worked out over the longer-term.

[Beer Snob-50]

18. call/snoo snoo/make nice nice/go out for drinks

aka having your cake and eating it to.

[BreweryYardRat]

23. I'd call.

Of course, my memory is terrible, so it'd probably be after I got done.

[Deja Q]

24. If you can't make it, let them know by some means.

Don't be a typical human and not respond, or act as if no arrangement had been made.

[Exiled in America]

26. this seems to be a ridiculously stereotypical topic to me...

[GirlinContempt]

36. Well, it happened to me on Monday evening

so I don't think stereotypes are involved. Unless you want to say that the male who made the comment about it being ok because he's a 'guy' was stereotyping men. I'm actually trying to prove my point, because I believe most people aren't that inconsiderate.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

27. Is the friend who is waiting a man or a woman?

If it's a woman waiting, of course I'd call. And have to make some lame excuse for why I wasn't meeting with her.

If it's a man waiting, I'd still call though. The whole point of men having such a code is so that no one sits at a bar by himself for 2-3 hours wondering where his buddy went. Under the rules of the code, you call because you know that you will not get any grief about not meeting your friend -- AND he gets an alert that your plans are off.

The code protects both parties -- much like the Geneva Conventions used to.

[ThomCat]

28. Never, ever leave someone hanging.

I've never heard the rule you refer to. :shrug:

[JVS]

29. No need to call. You said "meet friends for drinks"

This means that there were supposed to be multiple people coming. When multiple people are coming, then you have the right to bail out in important circumstances like this. Also, meeting for drinks is a casual thing, so if it collapses no big deal. Besides the very act of having to telephone someone is enough to make some people think "Oh he had the audacity to phone other people in my presence, no snoo snoo for him", so your friend did right.

On the other hand if you and your friend had an agreement to meet at a certain time, just the two of you, he'd owe an apology for not calling.

[GirlinContempt]

39. I guess my take is

even if there were multiple people coming, to talk to the person and say "I'll be there in half an hour" and then never show up causes people to worry.

[JVS]

45. That's why he should have an explanation with a good reason.

And he does have an explanation with a good reason. You did bump into the other people, correct?

you: we were worried about you
him: i had an unexpected pipe-laying contract come up
me: ahh well then, I understand completely! Let's get some beer.

[GirlinContempt]

52. OKay

I guess we'll just agree to disagree :) To me, explanation with good reason is stuff like:

I went into labour
My grandma died
I broke my leg and was in emergency
There was a massive power outage and I was performing CPR on a blind lady and her dog

Otherwise, call with explanation.

[SteppingRazor]

30. Depends...

are you in a position such that a call can be made and "snoo snoo" still achieved?

If it's a spur of the moment thing and no phone is around, your friend is just going to have to suck it up. But if you can reasonably make a phone call, then you should go ahead and do that.

[gmoney]

33. Yes, depends on the snoo snoo situation...

The slightest thing can derail a situation like that, and stopping to make a call in the presence of the potential parter is likely to spoil the mood. Would make her wonder "who does this guy have to call to get permission? Is he calling his girlfriend? His wife? His boyfriend? His mom?" And, bam -- no sugar tonight.

I think I'd call ONLY if there would be a way to make the call without raising that doubt, for instance, if taking separate cars to the snoo snoo location.

Besides, if we're REALLY friends, you'd understand and be content to hear the juicy details after the fact, and be happy that your friend got lucky. If it's a "faux dating" situation (dating without the potential for sex or a relationship) then don't be surprised if you get stood up for the real thing.

[GirlinContempt]

41. Dating without the potential for sex or relationship

isn't that... friendship?

[gmoney]

67. not always...

Sometimes when a man and a woman go out, it feels more like a date, even though there's no potential. Usually this is a situation where one is unrequited and the other unavailable, so the unrequited one says "let's go out as friends" just to spend time with the object of misplaced affection. The unavailable one may agree just for the entertainment value, and may not even realize the nature of the unrequited's attention. So, these are usually one-on-one, with the guy picking up the woman at her place, possibly planning the evening or even paying for everything. "He's such a nice guy..."

Friendship is a lot more equal and open without the hidden agenda.

[GirlinContempt]

68. I guess I see 'without the potential' to mean

both parties know there is no potential. To me that's a friendship.

[GirlinContempt]

38. The guy was in a position to call

absolutely. And the girl is a girl he was formerly dating that he sees regularly, and knows he has no girlfriend or anything.

[JVS]

44. do not rock the boat to snoo snoo!

[Skip Intro]

40. Call. Put yourself in your friend's shoes.

Its completey rude to let that person sit there waiting on you, only to realize, as the minutes and hours go by, that you're not going to show. I'd hate someone doing that to me. (and they have, and I let them know about it)

It erodes the trust between you two if you don't call, aside from it being (what should be) common courtesy.

(I don't sound like a chick, do I?) (no offense intended toward females, just "guy" lingo)

btw, I took "snoo snoo" to mean something totally different, aka, something you'd use a razor blade and a straw for...

[file83]

46. The 'When Harry Met Sally' rule applies here - sounds like you are a little jealous...

...it's not that he didn't call - it's that he got some snoo snoo. You would like to think you two are just "friends" but you know you like him more than that.

You need to tell him your feelings and quit pretending you only like him as a friend.

If he was truly just a friend, you would have just blown it off especially since you were with other "friends" having drinks.

[GirlinContempt]

51. Jealous?

Hilarious, also untrue.
It's that he didn't call, and I think it's rude. It's also that when asked about it, he had an attitude.

I don't know where you get this crap about my feelings for him from.

[ghostsofgiants]

53. What is the deal with the assumption that a male and a female can't just be platonic friends?

Whenever I hang out with one of my female friends, my roommates always ask "you fuck her?" It's really annoying.

[JVS]

70. Because a platonic friend understands that you had your chance to get...

some and doesn't say "why didn't you call?"

[ghostsofgiants]

75. So it's cool to be an ass, as long as you're getting laid?

Duly noted.

[JVS]

76. no, but in her situation, he was justified

There were other people coming, so it wasn't as though the OP were all alone waiting for him

He did not have a "date" with her.

He had a valid excuse upon their next meeting.

[ghostsofgiants]

78. While I recognize the difference between blowing off one person and blowing off a group...

I'd still feel bad about blowing off the plans with the group as well.

[JVS]

80. The group will survive and as long as you have a pretty good reason....

which I think getting screwn is, they should be able to understand. If I was going to meet 3 or 4 friends at the bar and one of them called the next day and said "Couldn't make it, got an offer of sex" I'd totally understand that it might have been difficult to make a call and I wouldn't let it bug me.

[GirlinContempt]

86. OR

a platonic friend understands that you're going to get laid but also expects you to understand they're sitting waiting, possibly concerned for your well being.

You don't have to want sex from your friend to expect a basic level of courtesy.

[JVS]

87. We've been through this before. There were other people coming

What your friend did was OK. There were extenuating circumstances, and if you were a real friend, you'd understand.

[GirlinContempt]

89. Bullshit.

Sex is not an extenuating circumstance. It's just as easy to say that if he was a real friend, he'd call.

[JVS]

90. Sex is so an extenuating circumstance

And unless you're his girlfriend, or his absence would leave you sitting around all by yourself, then he does not owe you a phone call. You asked about this scenario and that's my answer, if you don't like the answer then too bad. Saying "Why didn't you call?" or being upset about not calling is about as unplatonic as you can get.

Now I'll agree, if you are supposed to get picked up at the airport by this guy at a particular time and he bails without announcement for sex, then he's wronged you. Even if it were an agreement for the two of you to grab a drink without anyone else and he had bailed like that, he'd have been in the wrong. But since it was a gathering of multiple people, he knew you were in good hands and unless the improbable event of every member of the group getting lucky at once occurred, things would work out. Only mothers and SO's are allowed to be mad because they're worried that you didn't call.

[GirlinContempt]

93. Well I disagree

And I don't care that you think he was right, but I think it's bullshit to say that I would expect a call because I secretly want to nail him. I hate that assumption in male/female friendships, I think it's ridiculous, and I know many people who feel the way I do. Am I right? I don't care, but I take offense at the idea that I'm not a good friend and I secretly love him because I think he was discourteous.

[JVS]

96. You come in and ask a question even though you have your own...

answer. Why bother?

So anyway, have you banned him from your friendship for this grave transgression?

[GirlinContempt]

98. Oh stop it

I have my own feelings on the act, but the question isn't "am I right" the question is "is this in fact a rule", and I don't have feelings on if it's a rule or not, just on the fact that I think it's crap.

You're pushing it asking if I've 'banned' him for some 'grave transgression'. I asked because he said it was a rule, I told him I thought he was rude and self absorbed, and that was that. I'm not making a huge issue out of the act itself. I'm asking about this apparent 'rule'.

You're the one making decisions about how I am secretly in love with him, a terrible friend, and how I think this a 'grave transgression'. I never said anything of the sort. Then again, I think you're just being a dick for the sake of being a dick.

On edit:
It was actually my good friend who was sitting, waiting, until I showed up when I said I would, worrying about him. He's a peripheral acquaintance of mine and I told him he was rude when he talked to me after the fact.

[JVS]

100. Sorry. I didn't realize that you took my comments as an implication...

that you are secretly in love with him. I just meant to point out that the platonic friend does not usually have claim to knowledge concerning the friend's well being. And you're right, a lot of it is just me being a dick for the sake of being a dick, although I think your friend did have a valid excuse and did not leave you high and dry to the extent where someone should be upset.

[GirlinContempt]

101. Well, as an example

I have friends who'd be upset if I said "i'll be there in half an hour" and never showed, and they couldn't get ahold of me. Part of it is that I'm a girl, so to them I'm more likely to be murdered/raped and left in a ditch somewhere. I would never not call, but I know that if I did that, some people would be incredibly worried. And I worry about my friends, male or female, if they never show up when they've made a commitment, especially when a specific time frame is given. I care about my friends, and so I worry about them.

I get where you're coming from, I'm just saying that to me, sex isn't a valid excuse. I guess I don't view it as such a rare commodity that it must be snapped up with no regard to anyone else, or maybe I have old fashioned standards, or who knows what. I wouldn't say either of us were truly upset, but certainly annoyed and thought it was very rude.

But the point of this post wasn't "Am I right to be annoyed", just "does this rule really exist". Everyone has different relationships or expectations, I can see how some people wouldn't find this rude.

[Schema Thing]

47. It's rude to not call

snoo snoo is irrelevant to that fact.

Thanks for the snoo-phamism btw :)

[MrSlayer]

48. Multiple people, no call required.

If it was just one person waiting for you then a courtesy call or a text message or whatever would be the right thing to do so as not to leave them hanging.

[JVS]

74. I concur

[xchrom]

49. i've done both.

but i've never not called a woman friend waiting.

i always have the feeling that would leave hard feelings -- i don't know any guys who would mind.

that's just my life. i can't speak for everybody.

[YDogg]

54. I'd call.

Too many weird things can happen to people, and to cause unnecessary worry would be inappropriate if one had the opportunity to call.

[ContraBass Black]

55. "rule of guys is if you can get laid all is good"

No, that's just a weak excuse for being a jerk.

[yurbud]

56. because you even THOUGHT about not calling, you want to do this "friend"

or at least keep her on the backburner for a rainy day (or some other mixed metaphor).

[GirlinContempt]

58. huh?

[yurbud]

59. would you have hesitated if you were going to blow her off for any other reason?

[GirlinContempt]

66. I didn't blow anyone off.

[yurbud]

61. oh, I hadn't noticed that you're a girl. Nevermind. (Unless conflicted about your orientation)

[Left Is Write]

62. I'm not a guy, but the correct answer is "none of the above."

You pass up the snoo snoo or you make the snoo snoo date for later, and you keep the original date with your friends.

[JVS]

71. THAT IS THE MOST FALSE ANSWER POSSIBLE

[Phillycat]

77. WHAT?

That is insane.

[Left Is Write]

82. Why? It's okay to dump your friends so you can get a little?

[Phillycat]

84. Um, YES.

Definitely! :D

[Left Is Write]

85. I would never have done that.

[JVS]

88. janesez, you understand everything!

[bicentennial_baby]

102. Wow, you really value your friends...

Jesus, sex will be there forever, and your friends may not, if you treat them like that... :eyes:

[lapfog_1]

64. The correct answer is to meet your friend.

And forgo the snoo snoo.

I'm a guy. There will always be the right opportunity for snoo snoo later. But a commitment is a commitment.

[JVS]

73. WAIT, NO. THIS IS THE MOST FALSE ANSWER POSSIBLE

[begin_within]

92. I agree totally. Friendship is more important than a sudden case of snoo snoo.

[Perky]

69. Snoo Snoo?

No way would a guy ever call it that...guys will tyically opt for sex. but most would call and apologize that something umm "came up"

[Left Is Write]

83. He might if he watches Futurama.

[YankeyMCC]

72. Well I'm married now but

I guess the situation can still apply :)

I cal if I can, but being a guy a real friend would understand if I couldn't call. Sometimes you have to act fast. ;)

[Phillycat]

79. I'm female, but my feeling is...

If you can get laid, please go get laid. With my blessing. If it's just the two of us meeting, please call or send a text saying "MMGGGALPH" or whatever you can muster before getting your swerve on. If it's a group setting and you call me, I will smack you the next time I see you, so please don't bother. I understand and support your right to get some action.

[JVS]

81. words of true wisdom

If I'm in Philly ever, we gotta get some beers, unless of course the opportunity to get screwn arises, in which case the plans are off! :-)

[begin_within]

91. To break a date with one person just to be with someone else is extremely rude!

[BikeWriter]

95. People don't need friends like that.

[Nikia]

99. Maybe, I've never been in a situation like that

I mean where sex was more important than a committment that I had already made. If it was a person who would have sex with me who I saw regularly, I could always have sex with them another time. I tended not to have sex with people who I didn't know. Really, if someone puts that high of priority on getting laid, there is something wrong. Do they miss classes and work for sex too? It sounds pretty irresponsible.
Maybe I don't understand though. I am married now, of course, and my husband and I work around each other's schedules.