well, I pissed everyone off today.

[gardenista]

I really wasn't trying to.

I was just trying to understand why I got charged $15.00 for some kind of waiver I never requested from the rental car company... The clerk (a young woman who was obviously too intelligent to be doing such stultifying work) snapped at me and then started the "ma'am" thing. I "ma'am"ed her back, and it escalated from there. She had a meltdown right in front of me, saying how much she hated her job and "complainers" like me. Now I regret my remark to her, which was "Well, the difference between you and me is that when I walk out of here, I get to go do whatever I want, while you are stuck working in this little hellhole in a job that is beneath your skill and intelligence." God, that was mean of me.

Then I got hung up on by a vendor who has been supplying us with inferior product for the duration of our dealings. We were stuck in a contract, and tried out best to make it work for both sides. I think we may end up in court, because I want to return the product and just get our money back and start over. I can't sell what they have produced, not in good conscience, anyway, and have too many $$s tied up in this mess. We will win in court, if it comes to it, but it is SO unnecessary...

So, I stood up for myself today, which I'm happy about, but I also made a couple of enemies. Damn.

Damn.

[firefox_fan]

1. Was it worth the money?

[gardenista]

2. Depends.

in the first instance, I was just trying to understand an item on an invoice, and asked about it.

In the second case, hell yes. It is worth the time and money to get a quality product.

[firefox_fan]

4. They're probably not enemies though.

This stuff gets forgotten quickly...

[gardenista]

6. Hope that's the case.

In my first interaction, after I said my hella rude thing, I suggested that we both take a deep breath and try to go on with our days with a better outlook.

I think that the best thing I can do is wish that young woman an opportunity to express all of her talents and dreams in work that fulfills her and rewards her efforts. It's a real drag to hate your job so much at 8:30 in the morning.

[tigereye]

14. ouch!!

I feel bad for both of you. Next time, try the why don't you go to grad school approach....;)

I try hard not to take out my irritation at bureaucracy on the worker, it isn't their fault. But it's so easy to make it personal sometimes.

[gardenista]

18. Thanks. I try to do the same, and don't know why I participated

in the way I did.

It's a wake-up call that I'm under too much stress...

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

3. So you were a vicious little asshole over $15?

Real nice.

[gardenista]

7. ok, you can join those folks over there.

we have beverages of your choice in the cooler, and I'll be right there with the toast and ringdings.

[Patiod]

22. NOW I remember why I used to use "ignore"

Had deleted my ignore list, but recently realized life was much better at DU with the people who shoot off really nasty comments on "ignore".

[fudge stripe cookays]

34. You too?

I deleted a bunch, but amazing how there's always a new crop to take their place.

[wildhorses]

5. better pissed off than pissed on---

some days just suck worse than others:P

[firefox_fan]

8. So true

[gardenista]

9. Yes. Like I said, I am glad I stood up for myself.

I don't regret that.

[Haole Girl]

26. Standing up for yourself and attacking someone..

...over the term ma'am, with every thing you've got, are two different things. I agree with only one thing you've said in this entire thread: you are under too much stress.

[gardenista]

27. You're entitled to your opinion, of course.

The simplistic idea that this was over the term ma'am may well lead to your interpretation.

There was much more to it than that, and I was also personally attacked.

We are all human. Sometimes we all give in to our lesser selves, especially when pushed to the edge by circumstances. It's how quickly we return to our better selves without allowing things to get even further out of hand that really makes the difference. Haven't you ever been in a similar situation? Have you always had the self-possession to conduct yourself with utter decorum, even when you are being yelled at for asking a question?

I do appreciate your reply, and agree that stress played a big role here, and I'm far from perfect.

[Haole Girl]

28. You didn't say you were personally attacked... in your op.

And, yes, while I've acted that way before (more than once), I don't call it "standing up for myself" afterward. I'm usually very embarrassed by it.

[gardenista]

29. I guess you've missed the point of this thread.

[Haole Girl]

30. Why don't you enlighten me then?

[gardenista]

32. I just don't think I'll be able to satisfy you.

Sorry.

[Haole Girl]

33. Yeah, you're not my type.

[gardenista]

35. That's fine.

I don't know why you keep digging at me, but I guess it makes you feel good.

Pot, meet kettle.

[Haole Girl]

36. Because...

I've been at the receiving end of your kind of wrath.

[gardenista]

39. Here's the point. So have we all. And we all need to learn to be nicer.

I've also worked in service jobs, and have gotten much *worse* treatment from customers.

My point in posting this was to work through an experience, and my conversation with other DUers, whether they agreed with me or not, has been enlightening, including your input.

But I'm not here to be your punching bag because someone else was mean to you.

I'll take responsibility for my role in the interaction I described. I don't think that you can possibly read this thread and imagine that I'm happy about the way it turned out, or proud of my conduct. As I said, I apologized for my remark, but I am not the one who escalated the conflict.

I suggest that it is kind of sneaky to exact your revenge on me because others have been rude to you.

[Haole Girl]

42. "But I'm not here to be your punching bag"

:wtf:

[swag]

10. Nice work.

I accomplished the same amount by farting, but at least your efforts had literary merit.

Charge on!

[gardenista]

11. Wish I had thought of that before I went to so much trouble!

[swag]

12. Sorry things didn't go so well.

I hope your day today is better.

Anyway, like you say, you stood up for yourself.

[cwydro]

13. Well, you could always apologize

to the ones you felt you were too hard on.

[gardenista]

16. Thanks. I did apologize in the first case. In the second, it's business

and I have nothing to apologize for yet. I'll try to keep it that way.

[youthere]

15. Well..

if you think you were overly rude to the woman at the rental car company, you could always go back and apologize to her. It might be the opportunity to turn the "enemy" (I think that's a little harsh) into a good friend.

[gardenista]

17. Thanks. I did apologize before I left.

I guess at the time I thought that she didn't accept it, and the bad feeling lingered for me. I don't want to impose myself on her again, so I'll just try to send good thoughts her way.

I learned the lesson that there is a good reason why we usually don't come up with the perfect line when in conflict, but it only comes later. At least in my case, in this instance where I came up with a really "good" one, it sure didn't feel "good" once it was said.

I think experiences like this are messages that we need to slow down and try to be more kind. I certainly wish I'd remembered that at the car rental place.

With the holidays and all the associated stress coming up, I guess this is a good time to remember that how we treat people we encounter every day is really important, whether or not we agree with what they are doing, or what they say.

[youthere]

19. I think you did the right thing in BOTH cases.

[crim son]

20. Apparently the young woman wasn't intelligent enough

to realize that it's her job to answer your questions. I don't blame you for firing back in anger. It wasn't a good idea, but I might have done the same.

[bridgit]

21. customer service has taken a nose dive/death spiral/header in america...

[MrCoffee]

31. with customers like this, i can see why.

[Patiod]

23. Sometimes it's not the $ amount, it's being nickled and dimed

to death - the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Rental car companies can be very frustrating, with all the fuel options, insurance charges, and that's without even looking at airport/community-imposed fees and taxes (communities have found out that they can tax the hell out of hotel rooms and rental cars, and none of the people who actually VOTE in the area will complain).

The rental car staff should at least be able to explain their fees. I'm assuming your question was phrased politely, but the staffer was just frustrated at having to go off-script.

I've also spent time on the phone disputing charges of $5 or $10 or $15 that hotels tack on bills later, claiming that I've used the minibar (when I've NEVER used the mini-bar).

[gardenista]

24. I think that's the crux of my frustration. I just didn't separate the

sort of built-in confusion that works to the advantage of the large car-rental company from the personal interaction between myself- one fallible human- and another- one fallible human who was apparently at the end of her rope that morning.

I'll continue to politely question stuff like this, and I usually have to muster up a bunch of mojo to do that. Guess it helps to start the sentence with "I know that this is not something that you are personally responsible for, so I hope you understand that I am just trying to get the full picture here..."

It's important to be fair in transactions, and it's fair and reasonable to expect the same in return.

[cwydro]

25. I COMPLETELY agree with you questioning a charge

no matter how inconsequential another poster might think it is. Rip-offs are perpetrated that way all the time...hidden in the fine print.

[conscious evolution]

47. Same here

Lots of corporate rip offs like this occur because they know most people will back down because they don't want to appear rude.And for the ones who will not back down, the people who think up the schemes know they will not be the on that has to deal with it.They would rather let some poor underpaid person like the one you dealt with have to catch the flak.
Never feel guilty for standing up for yourself.

[MrCoffee]

37. Are we supposed to feel bad for you or something?

because i don't.

[gardenista]

40. That's fine.

I'm not asking for your sympathy.

Just reporting on a shitty day. Working through something...

[MrCoffee]

41. you should ask the girl at the rental place how her day went after you left.

[gardenista]

44. Her day wasn't going well when I met her, and I assume it went downhill

from there. I'll take responsibility for my part in it.

What else do you want from me?

[MrCoffee]

45. i'd like to know why you posted what reads like gloating about

making someone else's life miserable?

[gardenista]

48. I think that you're being intentionally obtuse.

If you think that I'm gloating, there's not much I can do to enlighten you.

I did not make her life miserable. She was miserable before she ever laid eyes on me that morning. My question set her off. I responded in kind.

Human interaction. Goes badly sometimes, we don't always understand each other's motives, or appreciate each other's points of view, or understand where the other is coming from. It's part of the human condition.

I'd say the post is far from a request for sympathy, or what you have now morphed into gloating. It's an attempt to examine an interaction that went badly, with the hope that I'll do better next time.

Sorry you can't see that.

[latebloomer]

38. Hey, it could be worse!

At least you told her she had skill and intelligence! :D

[gardenista]

43. That's true. Hope that's the part she remembers!

[BarenakedLady]

46. I piss off at least one person a day

I feel it is my duty.

[Call Me Wesley]

49. Locking.

It's getting flamey in here, but at least I have my suit on ...



Thank you!

Call Me Wesley
DU Moderator