Long-distance love: tell us your story.

[Robb]

I'm smack in the middle of a long-distance love affair.

Well, not that long. She's got the drive down to four hours, I can do it in 5. :rofl:

Thus far things are going well, we're able to get together a surprising number of weekends, we've got vacations lined up, we're talking on the phone, webcam, the whole schmear. And we're already talking about how to shorten the distance.

But I'm something of a noob in this field. Anyone done this oddly modern relationship? How'd it all go?

[taterguy]

1. Great sex for a couple years, it didn't last

Eventually she grew tired of it and sought out someone in her city. She dumped me. I moped but recovered in time to meet the woman of my dreams a few weeks after getting dumped

[MrCoffee]

17. there's your answer...

i had a LTR for a few months. we'd get together most weekends and shag like rabbits. then we broke up.

not that i'm complaining, mind you.

[buddhamama]

2. good luck, Robb !

the distance can add stress to relationship but in your case 4-5 hours isn't so bad.

everyone is different and every couple is different what works for some might not work for others.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

3. As long as neither of you breaks trust in ANY way, it can work.

Once that seal is broken, the distance amplifies it 1,000 times.

[buddhamama]

6. agreed.

[mzteris]

4. didn't you just get OUT of a relationship?

sorry if that sounds snarky - but - you probably need some time by yourself before you jump head over heels into another one so quickly.

As for the LD thing - mine didn't work. It was great from September until February - we had to fly to see each other - every few weekends. The plane fare and the long distance phone calls (pre-cell phones) nearly wiped me out financially. And then it ended - badly for both of us - in the end. I nearly lost my job and my house and everything.

It took - a really long time - to get over.

I saw him a decade or so later. In retrospect, I'm glad it didn't work out. He really wasn't the guy for me. But boy I sure thought it was a match made in heaven at the time.


Where do you see it going? Your moving there? Her moving where you are? One of you has to uproot their life. Their job. Their friends. Their family. Everything. and all without knowing if you can "work" on the day-to-day grind of daily living.

Sexual attraction (pheromones) usually diminish after the first year to 18 months. Then what?

I don't mean to sound like a downer - but you asked for opinions. I thought I'd give you an honest one.

FWIW - you seem like a smart classy guy - I just don't want see you getting hurt again so soon.

:hug:

[driver8]

8. That's what I was thinking. You need to take some time for yourself.

It seems to me that less than two months ago, I was reading all about your heartbreak and problems with your ex.

Good luck with your relationship. I tried the long distance thing once and it crashed and burned.

[spillthebeans]

5. I lost her email nt

[graywarrior]

7. Not me...my sister

Met him when she was 14 visiting Nova Scotia. Knew right away he was the one. Back and forth for a few summers til they got engaged. Then, were engaged til they got married when she was 21. Lots of phone calls, motocycle trips over the weekends, plane flights, etc. for 7 years. They married in 76 and they're still married, happily.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

11. thats a very sweet story.

[graywarrior]

14. Yeah, I woulda married him myself.

[Missy Vixen]

9. Get Vonage

Your phone bills will be massive if you don't.

My experience: We "met" over the phone while I was at work. (He was a client on the other side of the country.) We talked every day for months and finally decided to meet. (It's always a shock to get that oh, $500 phone bill.) It didn't work.

Julie

[GOPisEvil]

25. Oh yes. Vonage (or another VOIP phone) is your friend.

:)

[youthere]

10. When my husband and I started dating we were both in the service.

We planned our wedding while I wasin the states and he was serving a year deployment in Korea.
After we married he was shipped to California and it took 6 months for me to get a transfer out there.I was stationed in Long Beach and he was stationed at Camp Pendelton and we each had liberty every other weekend...unfortunately it was the opposite weekends. By that time, my billet was up and I was finally discharged, so I got to move onto Camp Pendleton base housing and be a wife for a couple of months. It was nice, but he'd still get sent out on various training manuevers (usually 3-6 months at a time) couple of times a year.
He's out now, and he's home all the time. ALL the time. Somehow we make it all work because we've been married for almost 20 years. It can work, if you want it to work.
Quite frankly, I think the long distance relationships are the easy ones.IMO it's a lot harder when you are together ALL the time-well, it's a lot more work anyway.

[emmajane67]

12. Doing it now.

Been together for about 6 years and have just had to do long-distance due to circumstances.

It may be a couple of years before we live together again.

After a few teething problems it has actually strengthened our relationship because, we can give each other the space we need to grow individually (in this case education/career-wise for both parties) but be together and it has forced us to improve our communication as well, we have spoekn about things we have never dealt with properly before because you can't afford to have misunderstandings/issues when you're so far apart.

And, we have never before been a cheesey couple and suddenly, when we do see each other, we are all over each other every minute of the day.

I don't think I'd bother with it if we didn't have such a history though.

[CabalPowered]

16. Sounds exactly like me

:toast:

[NashVegas]

13. Something I'd Never Do Again

That 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' thing has a lot to do with projection, IMO.

[kwassa]

15. Beware the rebound effect.

I've seen it many times, people ready to jump into a new relationship to forget the pain of the old, and they haven't sorted out their feelings yet, and know what it is like to be alone. Not that you are necessarily doing this, but just be careful. The rebounds often crash and burn.

Long distance? Worked for us, but I was ready to leave Los Angeles anyways. We did the email, then phone calls, then visits, then moved. We were both older, too, had been through a lot of life experiences, and knew who we were and what we were looking for. We didn't spend lots of money, actually. We have been together over 11 years now, married for 7.

I've known others whose relationships ONLY worked long-distance, and started to fall apart when they get together and actually had to live with one another. That is the acid test.

one money-saving tip: we often use Skype, which is free, when my wife goes on extensive travel, calling computer-to-computer. She calls from Europe with no problem.

[naturalselection]

18. Dated long distance for 2 years

have been married to same great lady for 8 years now.

We met at a conference in Vermont. She and I went to grad school in the midwest, but were 8 hours apart for 2 years. We drove back and forth for those two years.

I would be lying if I told you it was great for those two years, but it gave us a chance to learn about each other over a longer period of time. Which has helped us stay married for 8 years now.

The sex was great then, and still is today!:bounce:

[havocmom]

19. Phone bills were a disaster. Distance required air miles, not road miles.

Ended up moving... 1200 miles.

Happily ever after, most days ;)

[LostinVA]

20. These posts are all very interesting -- thanks to everyone for sharing

[BackInBlack]

21. We did it

Met her in college at Penn State my senior year. Love at first sight.

I had to move to Jersey for a job. She elected to stay in Pittsburgh.

So we did the 6-hour drive thing, every third weekend or so. We did that for five years. It got rough at times, but we somehow managed to work things out. My phone bills were horrible -- I averaged about 250 bucks a month. Fortunately, I live cheap otherwise! :-)

Mrs. BackInBlack and I will celebrate our ten-year wedding anniversary next month. Sometimes, it does work!

[Zavulon]

22. Not unike a few posts earlier, mine went like this:

long, expensive conversations...fucking like rabbits when we hooked up...thinking that our relationship was the one...finally shortening the distance...getting to know each other better...realizing that we made a big mistake...looking for ways to fake our deaths...finally breaking up.

[belladonna]

23. Never worked out for me

Which is surprising, given that I tend to REALLY like my space. I love my SO to death, but there are days when I just want to kick him out of the house for a day or two :blush:

I've tried the long distance thing twice and it just doesn't work unless you're extremely committed to making it work and have loads of patience. The second time would have worked out okay, but the guy had some deep-seated jealousy issues and became pretty paranoid... to this day, I have no idea what I did to cause it. I sort of doubt now that I even did, it was just his issue, I guess.

That being said, I hope it works out for YOU :D

[Deja Q]

24. Wouldn't work for me.