Is it wrong to tell your child that Santa Claus exists?

[More Than A Feeling]

I don't have children, and this is why I ask. When the child finds out that Santa does not exist, that child may learn that parents cannot always be trusted. Is that bad because we generally teach children that lying is wrong, and telling them about Santa undercuts that lesson, or is it good, because it teaches them that authority figures cannot always be trusted, and they have to figure out when that is the case themselves?

It seems to me that the joy of Christmas (family, love, presents) can be had independently of whether or not Santa Claus exists. Isn't that enough?

[Kerrytravelers]

1. Santa is fun.

I loved him as a kid. When I figured it out, I loved that my parents went to the trouble to pretend, with the cookies and the presents. In fact, we still play "Santa" when Mr. kt and I have Christmas at my parents house, but it's more of an excuse not to wrap presents than anything else (our Santa didn't gift wrap.)

[More Than A Feeling]

2. Yeah, i don't remember how I reacted when I found out.

Which is why I asked.

[leftofthedial]

3. only while they are in their twenties

that's when it's improtant for them to pretend to be "grown-ups"


once they hit thirty, you can start telling them the truth again

[More Than A Feeling]

5. That's a very beautiful thought.

I'm not trying to be a Scrooge or anything, it's a legitimate question.

[Midlodemocrat]

10. When do the youthful indiscretions end?

I recall for * it was in his 40s.

[leftofthedial]

11. he's twice as privileged as the rest of us

[JVS]

4. Yes. It isn't in keeping with the true meaning of Christmas

[Book Lover]

15. I think you're half a year off :-)

[JVS]

18. Nah, we celebrate the arrival of the man who's in the first picture, but...

the Crucifixion is the most important moment in Christianity.

[Book Lover]

27. I was taught this was the most important moment

(or is this just an excuse to post beautiful art? :-) )

[Phillycat]

22. You mean...

[Silver Swan]

6. Santa is make believe. To say otherwise is lying.

My mother always told me Santa was make believe, and I told my own children the same thing.

My opinion is unpopular this time of the year, but to me, any child over five who actually thinks Santa is real is a sad thing. A ten year old who believes in Santa is pathetic.

Don't get me wrong, I love stories about Santa, just like I enjoy other folk and faery tales, but Cinderella isn't real and neither is Santa.

[Midlodemocrat]

9. I completely disagree.

And, frankly, the only people I hear that from are fundies. St. Nicholas WAS a real person and allowing children the make believe part is one of the magical parts of childhood.

They grow up soon enough. I wouldn't dream of telling my child there is no Santa. They came to me instead. The children that I know that were told still speak of that particular Christmas as being 'ruined'.

[Kerrytravelers]

13. I'm with you.

I believed in Santa and I wasn't pathetic or some delusional little kid. I can't remember exactly how old I was when I figured it out, but it didn't harm me or scar me for life. I loved it.

When I learned that St. Nicholas was actually a real person, for me, I was able to look back at all the childhood fun and appreciate that his legacy was still living on and giving pleasure and joy to many children all around the world.

[Left Is Write]

60. Santa still leaves presents in my stocking, and I'm 40.

There are the beliefs of one's intellectual side, and the beliefs of one's heart. :)

I guess I'm just pathetic.

[Courtesy Flush]

21. Good point

St. Nick was real, but we all believe he's a fabrication, then expect people to believe that the actual fabrication (god) IS real.

[YankeyMCC]

33. Did he?

Just saw this:

"Most religious historians agree that St Nicholas did not actually exist"

From here: http://www.cannabisculture.com/articles/3136.html

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

63. I agree with you.

I guess I was in 4th grade when I realized there was no Santa. My parents never told me. I think if they told me, I'd have been crushed. Eventually, I just realized (to quote the Simpsons) "there's only one fat man round here bringing presents and his name ain't Santa." I told my parents Santa was fake and they told me not to tell my sister.

I don't understand how people have such issues with kids being kids and using their imaginations.

[pitohui]

32. a ten year old who "believes" in santa is not pathetic, she's playing you

ah, the annual xmas dilemma, to admit to the folks that you know there is no santa or to continue to rake in the extra gifts, actually, not a difficult decision to make at all, also, since i had younger siblings, wasn't i obligated to "believe" to keep the gag going for them as well?

would have been terribly selfish of me, at age 5, to pop up and announce that santa was a fake and to spoil it for everyone else!

[MassLiberal]

53. I believed when I was 10 and I wasn't pathetic

I actually had a feeling Santa wasn't real, but I knew that if I gave up on him the magic I associated with Christmas and loved so much would be gone forever. I was not "playing" my parents. I was reluctant to leave my childhood behind. I remember feeling very melancholy once it was all over. And I continued to get gifts from "Santa" after I stopped believing because my mother got a lot of joy out of surprising us at Christmas. My kids all believed until they were 10 or so (my son is 10 now, and he's teetering), and they weren't playing me either--they are imaginative kids who are not jaded about the world, and they were able to believe that something as outlandish as the Santa myth could actually be true. My keeping the Santa thing going all those years was not lying: my kids know I am a deeply honest person, and they trust me. The older ones speak very fondly of the years when they truly believed. It was fun for them.

[mcar]

36. Oh for God's sake

You've never lied to your kids or anyone else before -- a "white" lie, perhaps to spare someone's feelings?

Christmas is a fun and magical time for kids, what's wrong with that? And who are you to judge other peoples' decisions and their children?

"Any child over five who actually thinks Santa is real is a sad thing. A ten year old who believes in Santa is pathetic." My 19 year old believed in Santa until he was nearly 11. When kids in school told him otherwise, he'd say "why don't you believe in magic?" He is a perfectly normal, extremely intelligent, well-adjusted college student now who looks back on his Santa days with fondness. He's also an extremely cynical, die-hard liberal.

My 9 year old believes that Santa brings the "big stuff" and parents get the other things. He's also an extremely well-adjusted child, also academically gifted and athletically talented.

They are all-around great kids - how dare you call them pathetic?

[evlbstrd]

7. Depends.

My son, at about ten, said "Santa is a stupid fat guy who never brings what you asked for."

[Reverend_Smitty]

8. ah it's a fun little lie

besides all the other kids believe in him so I don't see the harm. No need to rush them into growing up...once I found out about Santa, Easter Bunny, etc...I didn't trust my parents any less

[tigereye]

12. no, they eventually reach a developmental stage when

they figure it out for themselves. Nothing wrong with enjoying the magic while it lasts.

My kid now refers to "Santa" while making quotation marks with his fingers. He was a little disappointed when he asked and found out the truth, but he insisted and all was well.

[skygazer]

14. No worse than telling them god exists

There's no more proof of that than there is of santa but no one seems to have a problem with drilling god into their little skulls.

Are we lying when we teach religion?

People get so worried about this shit and it IS shit. Kids know all about make-believe. They don't freak out and get psychologically warped when they find out it's really mom and dad putting the gifts under the tree (or the money under the pillow or whatever). They seem to understand that the whole idea is to create fun and excitement about generosity and giving. Around the age of 9 or 10, they slowly figure it out but it's still fun to pretend and they do.

Kids have so much more sense than adults sometimes.

[jonnyblitz]

17. I actually stopped believing in God when i found out about Santa.

I couldn't trust them with anything after that. Liers.

[Left Is Write]

59. The difference is that most people who tell their children about God...

do firmly believe He exists. When they tell their children about Santa, they know good and well that he does not exist. If one believes in the existence of God, it's not lying to tell one's children about Him.

That said, I have no problem with Santa. When my children ask, I say that there may not be a man in a red suit who lives at the North Pole, but that the idea of Santa is part of the spirit of goodwill and giving. They seem to "get" it, and Santa is still magical to them. I loved the entire Santa ritual when I was a child, and I never once felt betrayed or lied to by my parents.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

16. Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

If you've never read Francis P. Church's famous editorial letter, you should now. Its wisdom is timeless.

Editorial Page, New York Sun, 1897

We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Sun:

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, "If you see it in The Sun, it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?
Virginia O'Hanlon

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a sceptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus? Thank God he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!!

[Sequoia]

24. "I'm Santa Claus and I agree with this editor."

reports Elf Edwardo from the North Pole.

My kid wasn't too upset when she found out. She was in kindergarten when a surfer dad's boy told the kids that it's the parents that give the gifts. Anway, I was at the mall day before yesterday and Santa waved at me, so there!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

43. My older boy was almost 12 when he informed me,

without hesitation, that he knew about Santa Claus.

I told him that now that he knew Santa's secret, he was eligible for the most fun of all...He could now BE Santa. I let him stuff his little brother's stocking and eat cookies. :)

[July]

46. I did the same thing, Goddess.

It was great fun when my older son sussed out that we (husband and I) were Santa and that he could then be part of the magic. He loved helping keep Santa real for little brother, and would show such indulgence and merriment when little brother would talk earnestly about Santa.

I've often thought that the whole Santa game is an incredible success. The numbers of people who willingly conspire to create the excitement, anticipation, and sense of magic for children is astounding, when you think about it, and it's even more surprising that it generally works as intended. It's one of those cultural practices that passes seamlessly down the generations (as we initiate our children into being Santa, as you point out) and is the source of much family fun and excitement for the little guys. Santa is probably more "real," in the sense of having an impact on people's lives, than almost any other imaginary character.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

66. Just think...If we believed only in what we could see...

The microscope might never have been invented. :)

[Rhythm]

52. I remember telling my parents that I 'knew'...

A few years later, i experienced the best Christmas of my childhood... getting to help my dad BE Santa!

I have a brother 8 years younger, and the year he turned 5 (1978), he was getting his first bicycle. My dad and i spent a couple of hours putting it together, eating cookies, and having a great night. Mom stayed up with us, doing last-minute prep on stuff for the family dinner, and playing carols on the stereo.

I went to bed at about 3am (the latest they'd ever allowed me to), and then crawled into bed for a few hours.

My brother ran down the hall and bounced me awake at around 6:30...

I will never forget that feeling.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

67. That's a great story!

:D

[pokerfan]

68. I believe!

Santa Bot was created by the Momcorp subsidary Mom's Friendly Robot Co. to determine who had been naughty and nice, and distribute presents accordingly. Unfortunately, Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably finds everyone to be naughty (except Dr. Zoidberg). He then stalks the streets, hunting down the naughty people and kicking some naughty ass with his arsenal of high-powered weaponry. In the future everyone stays inside after sundown on Xmas Eve unless they have a death wish, as the suicide booths all have long queues at that time of the year.

[reyd reid reed]

19. While the image of Santa in a red suit with a beard and bells might change

it's more about the spirit. The image is simply a personification of the feeling, I think. And, for what it's worth, even though my parents 'broke the news' to me when I was six, I believe. How else can you explain how someone who lives paycheck to paycheck and barely makes that work manages to find a way to put gifts under the tree for a family the size of mine?

And without credit cards.

:shrug:

[zappa_parappa]

20. Parents can't always be trusted...

so its good to teach them that lesson early on....question authority.

[Phillycat]

23. I always knew there was no Santa.

But then I was a cynical kid.

[ileus]

25. Really when you learned what did you think....

Did you accuse your parents of being pathological liars?
Did you feel betrayed and never trusted your parents word again?
Get serious self righteousness will only take you so far in this life. Enjoying parenthood and leaving your kids with fond childhood memories lasts forever.

I found out Santa wasn't real when I located his stash in a back bedroom closet. I remember this topic was widely discussed in elementary school. I must say I never felt less trustful of my parents because of a Christmas game.

My wife is a fundie and we had a few battles over the whole Santa thing, and I finally won. How did I win? Her fundie mom was a kill joy of Christmas for their whole family. Christmas while having the whole "Christian" background is a serious time with real meaning to adults and children, however, it's also a time of fun and wonder for little children.
I'm able to pull the Santa card everyday on both the kids now, it's really nice having some power over their behavior....LOL

[mduffy31]

26. Let them have the fantasy

before the real shitstorm of real life kicks in.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

28. My parents never did

We always had our pictures taken with department store Santas every year, but we opened our presents on Christmas Eve, so it was quite obvious where they came from.

Then, when I was about 8 or 9, my mom made some Christmas stockings, and we started the custom of getting little candies and doodads on Christmas morning. But it was never a serious thing, especially since my brothers quickly wised up to the fact of multiple Santas.

[Book Lover]

29. Only if you lie about it

Does Santa not exist just as other personified ideas like Justice and Liberty? Santa is the personification of the idea that it is better to give than to receive, that one should give what one can to those who do not have, and that one should be humble and quiet while doing so. Great lesson to teach and to learn, I say.

[Phentex]

45. That's our take. And it's a gradual thing...

Kids don't usually find out all at once that "there is no Santa Claus." They aren't stupid. They hear things from other kids. They see things in movies and TV. There are all kinds of stories about believing and not believing. "Santa" can just be plain ole fun.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

30. No worse than watching Sesame Street.

Kids think that Elmo is real, too.

Is that lying? Of course not.

Sheesh.

[pitohui]

31. well it depends

i always wonder about religious families who play the santa claus game, seems like most kids, at least i did, when they realize that there is no santa, if they have half a brain, they would immediately catch the next clue and realize there is no god either -- so i always thought it a way for people trapped in a religious society where we have to pretend to believe this crap to nod at each other and say that we know it isn't true but it's rather rude to say flat out that it isn't true, so, yeah, you lie straight-face and say santa is real, god is real, blah de blah

of course it is valuable to teach kids how to get along with a social pretense and this may be the great lesson of santa claus? we pretend to believe to protect the younger kids or, in the case of god, pretend to believe to protect the hopelessly stupid who would never learn to control their impulses if not for thinking some invisible something was always watching them...

so i dunno...i think there is a lot of value to be learned from playing the santa claus game

the absolutist who can never tell a lie is going to be severely handicapped in human society

[NC_Nurse]

34. I did.

My kids aren't up on a bell tower picking people off with a AK...but I think you could argue for both sides.
My kids loved the story for as lonmg as it lasted. They seemed to give it up pretty easily later though. :shrug:

[YankeyMCC]

35. I let my son discover the myth and the reality on his own

I never told him "Santa Exists"

Although, that's a bit of a cop out because I never told him he didn't either and I played along with him while he believed. Myths can be fun when appropriate and I didn't keep him from seeing references to Santa and used the myth to my own ends, assigning my own meaning to the spirit of Santa - selflessness, joy and the like...

But as he grow older and as I continued to teach him to think critically, when he would ask anything along the lines of "Does Santa really exist?" I would come back with something like "Well, what do you think?"

So is it wrong? Perhaps if it is done without consideration for the development of the child, or used to indoctrinate the child into not questioning the meaning of mythologies and traditions, or used to instill fear (Santa wont stop here if you're bad!). But letting children - well be children - is certainly not bad. And like many myths (not all) it can be fun and even useful and educational.

[soleft]

37. I'm no child shrink but

I wouldn't be surprised if one were to say that belief in Santa Claus is actually part of a developmental stage which important for healthy growth and development. And for cultures which don't have Santa Claus I bet there are similar myths which serve the same purpose.

You could say it's reflective of evolution itself. Mankind made up myths to explain the sun and the thunder and the changing of seasons. As man evolved he was able to see through these myths and come up with more mature, fact-based explanations, but the beauty of most myths is that they continue to be true on an esoteric, allegorical level and that is why they endure.

[Midlodemocrat]

38. Well, I am. And, I agree with you, 100%.

I have yet to see a child harmed by the notion that Santa isn't real. However, I have seen kids who distinctly remember the Christmas they were told (I don't think they were ready to be told) and even as adults, they say it was the year the fun went out of the holiday.

[Yavin4]

39. THERE'S NO SANTA CLAUSE?!?!?!!!!

Since when?

[soleft]

41. LOL!

[MissMillie]

40. perfect way to get them to behave themselves for a few weeks

:shrug:

[bertha katzenengel]

42. I like how a character in literature explained why "Santa" is okay to her:

I can't quote it exactly. She's a woman from Europe, an immigrant to America, speaking to her daughter after the daughter has had her first child. It's 1901.

The mother is giving the daughter advice, and adds, "and the Kris Kringle. The child should believe in him until five years old."

The daughter says she won't teach her child about fairy tales and such, and asks her mother why she must.

The mother says that it's because the child must have imagination.

The daughter says the child will soon learn that there is no Santa Claus, and the mother replies yes, but that it's good for the child to learn about disappointment.

(All in all I think it's good advice. It's in A Tree Grows In Brooklyn.)

I don't think it's about trusting or not trusting adults. If I had children, I'd tell them about Santa Claus when they're young, and let them learn on their own, in time, that it's a fantasy. I think it's a fun thing for kids and parents, and if a child is allowed to come to the conclusion on his own that SC doesn't exist, it's not a bad thing.

And, oh, yes: I agree. The love & joy of the holiday are enough. But for little kids & their parents, Santa is fun, too.

[cobalt1999]

44. If it's wrong, then I don't want to be right.

As for your question about trust/lying/authority figures, I'd say that's way over analyzing the situation.

I'll be a little disappointed the first Christmas when my girls both stop believing. On the plus side, no more waiting until after they are safely asleep to try and assemble bikes, trampolines, etc.

[Deja Q]

47. I heard that Santa and Mrs Claus don't have children.

I've always wanted to know why.

Have they not tried to make any?

Is adoption an issue for them?

Or do they prefer playing with the toys in his workshop?

:yoiks:

[Giant Robot]

48. I don't know if its a matter of right or wrong

But I think it is important to let children have these myths and fairytales for as long as we can do so, if for nothing more than to give the adults they will become the fond memories of that kind of innocence and joy.

I understand why people would want to be honest with their kids, and that's their right. However I think it takes something away from the children that they only have one shot to enjoy and I intend to give it to any Little Robots that come along.

[LuLu550]

49. When my kids asked

I asked them what did they believe or want to believe. When they told me, I told them that was all that mattered, then.

I didn't lie or break their little hearts that way. It let them believe as long as they wanted to.

[VelmaD]

50. I loved when my nephew asked why Santa didn't come for grownups...

and "weren't you good this year, Aunt Barbara?". :) And I got to explain how Santa couldn't possibly cover everyone, so once you got big you became one of Santa's helpers and how grownups were all Santa Claus for each other and got each other presents. He thinks it's really neat that when he buys presents for other people that he's being Santa Claus for them. :)

[philosophie_en_rose]

51. Not usually. We tell children all sorts of fiction exists.

Television characters, fairy tales, and other fiction don't hurt children. Children that take these things seriously eventually grow out it. And there is nothing wrong with having an imagination. Some kids think Superman is real. They'll grow out of it.

Santa is an idea that helps us to remember to give to others. Parents that tell their children that there is a Santa Clause are probably not going to scar anyone, as long as they keep their activities in perspective. (i.e. no scaring the kid that Santa is watching him in the bathroom or anything)

I never believed in Santa. Not because my parents never lied to me, but because I was forced to write thank you cards to people -even when I was very little. I knew that Christmas was about people, and that Santa was just a fairy story as part of the celebration.

[eyesroll]

54. I get the distinct impression my SO's daughter (4) sees Santa and, say, Spongebob the same way.

They're characters...somewhere between real and make-believe (she doesn't believe she'll run into Spongebob on the street, and she knows his adventures are made up...but he's still "real" in a way). She knows the guy in the Spongebob costume at the amusement park isn't the same Spongebob as the guy in the cartoon...she knows that the young Santa with the bushy FAKE beard at Mall A is not the same Santa as the fat older guy with the long beard and glasses at Mall B...but they're still real to her. In a way, anyhow. It's hard to explain.

She was never really told the whole naughty-nice-chimney-etc. thing (which is good, because neither we nor her mom have a chimney)...although I'm sure she's heard it repeatedly elsewhere.

I don't think it's necessarily wrong or right to tell kids Santa exists. I grew up Jewish, without Santa (I was told some kids believe, so don't ruin it for them) and was not scarred...and my gentile friends weren't scarred by believing and then disbelieving in Santa, either.

[Broken_Hero]

55. I don't believe so

but your view may vary. I always thought it was fun, and when I found out Santa was a fake, I didn't take it hard at all...on the other hand, when I found out what Snipe Hunting was, I was really upset...:D

[AwakeAtLast]

56. Neither my husband nor I told her

Being the bright, intelligent 4 y/o that she is, she has picked up on it all by herself and LOOOOVES Santa Claus. She picked up on it from her friends and TV. She cannot wait for Christmas this year. It should be fun for us, too.

BTW, I will let it go on for as long as she is excited about it, but if I see signs that she has figured it out, that's when we will have a talk.

[Evoman]

57. I'm not going to lie to my kids about Santa Claus. Magic doesn't exist

and Santa doesn't exist, and I don't want my kids to be gullible.

Santa Claus and all that bullshit is more for adults than it is for the kids anyways...if you don't teach kids about Santa, they aren't missing out on anything. Maybe parents are trying to recreate their own childhood or something. It really makes no sense to me.

I don't want my kid to believe in magic.

[RevolutionaryActs]

58. I never belived in Santa.

Of course my brother is ten years older than I am, so that I might have had something to do with it.


I didn't believe in the Easter Bunny either. :P

[billyskank]

61. Santa DOES too exist

he just doesn't come to YOU 'cause you're naughty. :P

[RevolutionaryActs]

62. You know, that is a distinct possibility

;)

[idgiehkt]

64. If I had kids I wouldn't do all that lying fairy tale crap, I don't think

I just don't think it's honest. You can tell them the historical basis for the holidays, but tell them stuff that isn't real...I don't see the logic in that and it seems cruel in a way, and pointless besides.

[Generic Brad]

65. When my daughter learned the truth she hit the trifecta

She badgered me into admitting that my wife and I were Santa Claus. I insisted we were not, but she kept at it. So finally I confirmed the truth and she exclaimed triumphantly, "I knew it!". As a follow up she stared unblinkingly into my eyes and asked, "And I suppose you're also the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy too?" "Yes, we are," I told her.

My words hung in the air for a few beats of eternity while she absorbed this and then she broke into tears wailing, "You just ruined my childhood!"