My take on being gay

[cwydro]

If gays here are so sensitive to gay jokes then why is it tolerated among gays? I see it all the time on here..."oooh you got the gay"..."did you get infected with the gay?" on and on ad nauseum. I don't find that particularly funny, just sophomoric (if that). How can straight people know their boundaries if we are making those kind of stupid jokes? "Infected"? Now THAT IS offensive.

I also find it hard to believe hearing young gay people say their life is so difficult. I came out in the 70's, honey; you wanna talk difficult? I grew up in NC. I have lived my life as an open gay woman. I went to school with southern Baptists and as a Psych major was often asked to talk to intro Psych classes full of these ignorant kids...I took their what you would call offensive questions and answered them honestly. I never had a problem. I have heard jokes and even slurs...I joke with the jokers and give back as good as I get with the slurs (or ignore them). I don't have an attitude about my "gayness"; I am much more than that. And I think I have educated some otherwise confused straight people about homosexuality.

I don't find life even remotely difficult because I'm gay. I live happily and openly and have most of my life. My employer offers domestic partner benefits, and although not all do...many many companies are coming around. Hell, some don't offer benefits to ANY employees.I suppose if you had to describe in the labels you young gays like to use, you'd call me a soft butch. Perhaps you all present yourself as someone with a chip on your shoulder. I have no idea why your life would be so difficult in 2006. Much progress has been made.

[lizziegrace]

1. Thank you

:)

[cwydro]

7. you're welcome

:hi:

[jonnyblitz]

24. aaah. I guess know you can feel better about mocking gays

and lesbians now that the OP has vindicated you and others with this thread. what a relief, eh? :puke:

[lizziegrace]

29. Search my posts. I don't mock anyone, ever.

I haven't participated in a single thread on this topic nor have I EVER replied to any of your posts. You don't know me or my opinions. Back off.

[cwydro]

34. I have NEVER seen you make an offensive

or mocking post.

[lizziegrace]

36. Apparently the other poster on this subthread

is jumping to conclusions and making assumptions...

[cwydro]

31. that is just silly

and you know it. Why so hostile? Discuss in a respectful manner; is that not the intention of DU?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. well i can tell you the origin of infected with the gay here

haruka made a comment of how her stepfathers ex-wife thinks she will give "the gay" to her step brother...and disinvited her to a family dinner

thats how that one started.

but maybe you should ask my SO why her life is difficult since people are always threatening to kick her ass and trying to run her over in their cars while calling her a homo.

[cwydro]

5. I have no idea

you must run with a rough crowd.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

8. yes i must run with a rought crowd.

cos ofcourse people driving down the street are "my crowd"

or men in the subway are "my crowd"

seriously it must be my doing.

[cwydro]

18. Of course it is not your doing Lioness

I just cannot understand why you have this problem. I am being serious. I do remember one post of yours where you said your SO flipped off a bunch of guys who catcalled her. That might not be the wisest way to handle jerks, ya know?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

25. so you think we should do nothing if we are harrassed?

this would explain your whole post. do nothing. and see nothign. and hope nothing bad happens to you.

[cwydro]

37. Oh, I've seen plenty

of course you should defend yourself. But attacking ignorant people with anger will get you nowhere and only anger them further. No one learns. Believe me, I am far far from a do nothing. YOU stand up in front of southern Baptist college students in 1978 and see how that feels.:scared:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

40. excuse me for being born in 1978...since i have never had it as bad as you

i suppose my issues dont count.

also i grew up in a country where its criminally illegal to be gay.

so dont try with the "you have never had it as bad as me" crap

[LostinVA]

12. So, if someone is harassed or attacked by a bigot, it's their fault?

No matter what their minority status -- gay, black, handicapped, Jewish, etc.? Ridiculous and disingenuous.

If you've never experienced this in NC, then you must live in Chapel Hill or Asheville. There are NC gays on this board who have been physically assaulted for being gay. I lived there for 17 years, and was fired in 1990 for being gay.

[cwydro]

21. and thank you for the origin story

but I think this is not so funny unless maybe you're one of those originally in on it.:shrug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

28. well i think the only people i have seen use it are the ones who saw her original post

which was very funny.

[LostinVA]

3. Correct, this is YOUR take on being gay n/t

[cwydro]

9. Exactly, that is why I titled it that way.

[LostinVA]

15. But yet your text criticizes those who don't agree with your take

Disingenuous at best.

[cwydro]

30. Not at all

Reread. I simply said I DON'T UNDERSTAND. And now, except for those who resort to name calling, I am listening to them explain why this is so.

[crim son]

4. You do know that being gay is no excuse for homophobia, right?

:sarcasm: I just made a post observing the same phenomenon... that it's okay if the minority group jokes about itself, but the rest of us need to be more sensitive. There's a problem with that thinking, but also I wonder if in this day & age where there seems to be overt and rampant government/church sponsored gay-bashing, we straight folks should learn to tread more softly, for the sake of the peace, and in an effort to reach the goal that a large percentage of straights and most gays share: to eliminate the judgement that appears to go along with our jokes, our laws and our fascination with what is different.

I find the sensitivity on the board to be eye-opening. Some of it is unwarranted but I understand the point that's being made. It doesn't matter if it isn't entirely rational when people's feelings are at stake. That's my thought, in support of folks who are perhaps not so secure as you are. :hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. or our life experiences have been different.

[crim son]

13. Yes.

Here is the thing: just being female is a strike against you. Nothing has angered me so much as going shopping for a house, or a car or a stereo with my STBE husband, and having the salesperson address the husband exclusively, when I am the one paying for everything. (sigh - when I had money, but I digress) I hate the talk on DU or elsewhere where a woman is judged as desireable or not based on her breast size, or whether or not she is "pretty". I hate all these judgements. But my response is not, cannot be, to call out every offender with accusations and name-calling. I'm not suggesting we all be humble and ignore people's biases. But when you're trying to change the society you're in, it doesn't help if we are alienating our allies.

I understand the frustration and the anger. I think the response should be more gentle. Finally, I appreciate the fact that you may disagree with me. Your perogative, lioness.

On edit: I'm trying to compose my thoughts while my kitten is literally trying to chew my kneecap off. I apologize if this isn't coherent.

[ThomCat]

39. I don't think we're the ones alienating our allies.

They're alienating us, while claiming to be our allies. :(

We appreciate all the help we can get in fighting bigotry, but if we accept bigotry from some people while we do it then we're backing down.

It's also an issue that our straight allies try to tell us what is homophobic, and somehow their own actions never seem to quality.

And our straight allies try to tell us what we're allowed to find offensive, as if straight people have a right to dictate what is offensive.

That type of behavior reinforces the bigotry they claim to be helping us try to fight.

[crim son]

43. I think my point is, we don't all get it.

We really don't. It is obvious you are feeling alienated and I don't like it. But I'm starting to feel alienated too. I'm trying to understand, though.

[cwydro]

10. Thanks crim

I do think people are oversensitive.

[LostinVA]

16. Again, you said YOUR take

You cannot frame what offends other people. Yet, you keep doing it.

[LaurenG]

14. Thank you for posting this so well

I'd like to be educated if I've done/said something stupid not berated. I would never be ugly on purpose so I would appreciate a heads up if I was involved with hurting someone unintentionally.

[cwydro]

27. Yes, I think that is what bothers me

is the berating and belittling of straights who are just trying to get a handle of the issue.:hi:

[Name removed]

11. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[cboy4]

17. You know what? I drive a BMW and my gay friend who lives

five blocks away drives a 1999 V.W. and has to watch his spending.

He's also stressed out about the thought of coming out at work because he's afraid he'll lose his job.

Gee, I have no idea why life would be so difficult in 2006 for him when so much progress has made. :sarcasm:

What a disgustingly condescending post for those who don't apparently have it as easy as you do. :puke:

[LostinVA]

20. And, if you're discriminated against, or get upset about slurs,

You have a "chip on your shoulder." Like that crazy Dr. King -- what a chip on his shoulder he had! Or Matt Shepherd -- boy, too bad he ran with such a rough crowd.

FUCKING INSANE.

[terrya]

19. I came out in the 70's and it's still offensive to me.

Sorry. Homophobia of any kind...be it overt or subtle, intentional or not, is offensive. And I personally have a real problem when people on what allegedly is a progressive web site will tell people like me to "lighten up" about it. But that's just me, I guess.

[cwydro]

23. Perhaps you should reread my post

I told no one to "lighten up". I simply said I did not understand why life seemed so difficult for young attractive and obviously intelligent people.

[terrya]

26. But some people here have said that.

I didn't mean to imply that you did. If I did, I apologize.

But that kind of condescending crap pisses me off.

[Phillycat]

22. On World AIDS day, we have a gay flamewar in the Lounge.

Now that is sad.

[cwydro]

32. Certainly not my intention

I just wanted another point of view out there.

Note to all: I am at work and cannot respond as quickly as I might like.

[cboy4]

38. Now I see how far you got ahead in life by using the company equipment

for chatting on DU.

Well done. :applause:

[crim son]

33. Straight people get AIDS too. And children. Just so you know.

I think our discussion of this issue is going nowhere and that's unfortunate. I don't think the OP intended to flame anybody.

[Phillycat]

35. Oh gee thanks, I had no idea straight people got AIDS.

DAMN, some of you are persnickety. A person can't say anything right here today!

[crim son]

45. Sorry! I thought you were being snide.

I guess you meant it in a good way.

[Susang]

44. I think the OP knew exactly what they were doing

You don't post a rant like that without expecting a nuclear meltdown.

[PVnRT]

41. Hooray! Another flame war!

And IBTL again. I fucking rule.

[Susang]

42. You have no idea why their life would be so difficult in 2006?

Really? Must be nice for you. :eyes:

:banghead:

[buddhamama]

46. Locking...

The thread has become a flamewar.

Sincerely,
buddhamama- DU Mod