Childless by choice: Check in here!

[NewWaveChick1981]

:hi: We had my in-laws over for dinner last night :yoiks: , and the perennial discussion of why we don't have kids came up. We are childless by choice and like it that way. Mind you, neither of my parents has ever pressured us about having kids, because they know how difficult we were. :P But my husband's parents (his mom especially) harp on this subject, and we have told them we're not having kids and to please drop the subject. They've been good about it recently---except last night. The dinner was reasonably pleasant until that topic came up (brought up, of course, by my MIL). I saw my husband bristle, and in the calmest tone of voice I could muster, I said, "We've already discussed that with you before. We are not having kids. We're not changing our minds." Well, you would have thought I slapped her in the face. I got the "hurt" look and the, "I just wish you would see the joy children bring" lecture. When she started the "lecture" (it's the same one every single time), I stood up and started clearing the table. (Dinner was over anyway.) She kept talking, and I basically ignored the "lecture". I asked if anyone wanted coffee right in the middle of one of her diatribes. My husband kept telling her to drop the subject, but she was on overload.

Now, normally, I don't ignore people when they are talking to me. But we had already warned them in the past that if they brought the subject up again, we would not listen to anything they had to say about it. And I kept my part of the bargain. My MIL has some mental issues anyway, but this was just too much. :yoiks:

My husband is 45 and I am 43. We decided a long time ago that we were not having kids, and I'm happy about that. Given that our marriage is not great at the moment, it's also a blessing that we don't have children.

So---if you're childless by choice, check in here! :hi:

[billyskank]

1. Just to be contrary

I'm not childless by choice - I never made a choice one way or the other. I'm just childless because that enterprise takes two and I am one.

:hi:

[NewWaveChick1981]

2. Good to see you, Billyskank!

:hi: :* :loveya:

[billyskank]

3. And you, 'Chickpea

:hug:

:*

[Orsino]

44. Me, too.

Already too damned many people on the planet, and I have not felt more than the faintest urges to reproduce.

[PrimeRibGuy]

58. It's not mine, I swear...

I am going on Maury to prove that I am not that baby's daddy!

[Aristus]

4. Well, my wife has three kids by her previous marriage. She told me

before we got engaged that she didn't want any more. She said: "If you marry me, you won't have any kids of your own."

I told her: "Honey, I'm not going to give you up for someone who hasn't even been born yet."

And the rest is history...

Anyway, my stepkids have provided me with three beautiful grandkids whom I adore like they were my own. So everybody's happy. :-)

[NewWaveChick1981]

18. That's great, Aristus...

:) :hug: It does indeed sound like everyone is happy! :) I'm glad it worked out so well for you. :hi:

[Phillycat]

5. I was CBC for many years, had my tubal when I was 29...

and yes, I have changed my mind, but I still strongly support and respect the rights of people to make their own decisions re: procreation.

The thing I don't understand about the people who argue with you, like your MIL: why on earth would anyone want you to have a child that you didn't want? It's just unconscionable to try to force someone into being a parent, when there are so many unloved, unwanted, abused children in the world??

[NewWaveChick1981]

20. Thanks, janesez...

That's my take on it exactly. :hug: If I were to have a child, I would still love him or her, but it is not my choice to have one. Pressure from your in-laws is no reason to have a child.

[bleedingheart]

6. I am not childless but Kudos to you....

too many folks have kids just because they "were supposed to" and they make a trainwreck of it...

If only more people were brave enough to not just follow the American dream checklist...instead of figuring out what they really want for themselves.

My bro-in-law and his wife are childless by choice and it annoys me when people bug them about it...

[NewWaveChick1981]

23. Thanks, bleedingheart...

:hug: I'm sure your BIL and his wife are just as annoyed as I am when people stick their noses in their personal business. Why other people feel the need to do that is beyond me. :eyes:

[fudge stripe cookays]

37. It's not childLESS, it's childFREE

And it is VERY freeing! Believe me!

[REP]

82. Damn Straight!

I'm not less anything, thanks.

[livetohike]

7. Childless by choice, too

:hi: We're 54 and 52 and I still get questions like:

*Aren't you sorry you never had children?

*Why didn't you have children?

*Don't you like children?

When I was younger, I admit, I was pretty rude with my responses. Now I just smile and ask, "Why is this so important to you?"

Oh, btw, "childless by choice" answers the most rudest of questions.

"Can't you get pregnant?"

[NewWaveChick1981]

27. OMG, I have been asked those questions too.

And I like your response, which is one I also use. :) :hug:

[Ariana Celeste]

8. I think that's the road I'm takin'

My SO and I have talked about it a number of times... we are young anyways and shouldn't be having kids yet... (21 and 23) but we feel that we wouldn't be able to properly raise children. We both grew up with varying degrees of abuse and we both have some issues... we can handle each other's issues just fine, there is no problem there... but we don't want to pass them on. We don't want to become our parents. And besides which... he just doesn't like kids all that much. We may change our minds in a few years or something, but I doubt it. My cousin has made the same decision. I think it's just the right choice. Not everyone needs to pass on their genes. :)

[fizzgig]

9. i'm just glad my mother hasn't started bugging me for grandkids

i'm only 25 and honestly i have no business having kids right now, i have a hard enough time keeping my own shit straight let alone taking care of a baby. the jury is still out on whether i will actually have kids or not, but i hope my parents are like yours if i decided not too.

OTOH, i have a cousin who is telling me i should make my mom a grandma...i think my jaw fell off the first time she said that

and good on you for keeping your cool with your MIL

[Jamastiene]

10. Count me in.

I can see the "everyone should have children" type lecture in times when the human species is in danger of becoming extinct or endangered, but I don't see why so many people think that way when the human species is overpopulated and we don't even have enough resources on this planet for our numbers now.

[NMDemDist2]

11. checking in

he's fixed (48) and i'm broken (51)

no kids for either of us

[azmouse]

12. Childless first by choice and then by chance.

I'll explain.

I knew, absolutely knew, in my 20's that I wasn't ready for children. I didn't feel comfortable around them. I didn't have such a great childhood so when I was finally out on my own I didn't want to get tied down with kids. I was happy to have my freedom from my parents and wanted to finally experience some of what life had to offer.

I got married when I was 25 and have never regretted it. My husband and I were busy working and studying and saving for the future. We moved from our home area out to AZ in 1990. We weren't in a position to think about starting a family yet and really weren't ready. We were happy with our life as it was.

It wasn't until I was 32 that I gave any serious thought to having children. We decided that if we were ever going to have a family this was the time. Turned out getting pregnant wasn't as easy as we were led to believe. After many disappointing attempts with fertility treatments we gave up. I did surprisingly get pregnant once when I was 37 but I miscarried at just 8 wks. That was it for me. I couldn't go through any more. I absolutely gave up any idea of being a mother.

So I was first childless by choice, then childless by chance. Such is life... and overall I think I've had a wonderful life without children. This is the hand I was dealt and I'm not going to waste one moment of it feeling sorry for myself. I've got too much living to do and it's still a wonderful world to live in.

[NC_Nurse]

13. My husband is CBC...

he inherited my three when we got together. I'm glad because I didn't want to start all over again.
None of my children are champing at the bit to procreate and I am glad they are waiting to see IF and when they want kids.
No pressure from me, that's for sure! :D
Sounds like your MIL has problems of her own that she's not addressing. Much more fun to bug YOU about how YOU should change. :eyes:

[SoyCat]

14. I'm child-free by choice and 35. My husband is 47 and has had a vasectomy (he made the appointment

the day Scalito was confirmed)and it was successful. We never wanted children but were open to raising the children of a very messed up family member. That didn't work out because the family member would rather ruin them herself than let anyone else give them good lives. Oh well.

And yes, we have dealt with nosy family members bitching about how selfish we are for not wanting children. Our lives are just how we want them and they can f.o.

[Cheney Killed Bambi]

90. Not selfish

That's such a rude thing to say, that it's "selfish" not to have kids. The only thing that is selfish is if you have kids without really wanting them and then you don't take care of them properly.

[miss_american_pie]

15. Having kids doesn't stop that

You just get nosy questions about when you're going to have more kids. :hi:

[billyskank]

21. 'pie

when you gonna have more kids? :shrug:

:P

[miss_american_pie]

22. When you move to Utah with me

and be my second husband. ;)

[billyskank]

26. Lol

:loveya:

[NewWaveChick1981]

30. Wow...

:hi: That stinks too!

[InvisibleTouch]

16. Same here.

I get the occasional nudge from my mom, but it's not too bad. I think she's resigned herself to the fact that I just don't want kids. (She hassles me more often about not having a husband/boyfriend ... bah!) I don't think I'd be a good mom, I don't have the patience, and I don't have the love of kids that I have for my animals. Better to know oneself rather than do "what's expected" and make a mistake that might ruin not only your life, but someone else's as well.

I do think I'd be a good grandma or aunt, though! If they're good kids, I can handle them in small doses. I imagine my brother will one day have kids, though he'll be quite a bit older. Right now he doesn't want them either. He's got a little more leeway with the time-factor, though. I'm a few years younger than you, NewWaveChick, and I feel like biologically I'm too old, in any case, to have my first kid now and do it safely. Which is perfectly okay by me.

[Jimbo S]

17. Checkin' in

We're both 40, married at 36.

I'm too independent. We both have careers. Getting too old now anyways.

Luckily, no one says anything to us. And if anyone did, they'd be out of my life pronto.

[Oeditpus Rex]

19. Does it matter that I've never been married?

It's never been an expressed choice; other factors always made it an assumption. Like, my last LTR partner had three kids and not much left of her girl parts. In other LTRs we were too young, not making enough money, etc.

But I've never felt responsible enough to be a dad. It's the most important job in the world, and I've always questioned whether I'm up to it. So...

Anyway, when your MIL goes off like that, you might say something like, "Y'know, I don't get it either. We fuck like bunnies. We fuck on the kitchen floor. We fuck in the tub. We fuck on the patio. We fuck in the car. As soon as I get these dishes cleared, we're gonna fuck on the table. We fuck and fuck and fuck and fuck and fuck... and no babies." :shrug:

[Phillycat]

24. HA!

Awesome! :thumbsup:

[NewWaveChick1981]

29. ROFLMAO...

:rofl: Ya know, I think that would shut her up for good.... :evilgrin: :thumbsup:

I hear ya on the reasons. And the responsibility of a child scares the hell out of me too. I like kids, but when they start crying or acting up, I can give them back if they are not mine. :P

[July]

86. It is a huge responsibility.

That's something that many of us don't realize until we live it, even if we think we understand beforehand. I've got kids, but I think that, given the lifelong sense of responsibility one has towards one's children, it's perfectly reasonable to hesitate about taking that on, and then to decide against kids.

While I adore my children and would walk in front of a truck to save their lives, I wouldn't have kids again if I could go back in time, precisely because of the responsibility. Even when all is well with them (my kids are 21 and 17 and doing pretty well), I find it hard not to worry about them. When I think of their childhood illnesses and every variety of problems they experienced growing up, from being hurt by a friend to being treated unfairly by a teacher, I feel their pain all over again, and when I have been helpless to "fix" a problem, it's been agony.

Don't get me wrong, there's been plenty of joy, fun, and laughter, too, and there are certainly benefits to family life, as well. But children change the nature of a marriage, and it is a very big, permanent step. What starts out as two people wanting to be together becomes very much a project of providing for, protecting, and maintaining the family. As I said, big step. It's also a crap shoot whether you will be able to avoid some of the big problems that parents hope won't befall their children. I've known so many people who worry even more than I do because their child has serious health problems or has suffered a terrible accident, and having a child who develops addictions or gets in trouble with the law happens to every kind of family, even when children are loved and cared for.

Years ago, Ann Landers was surprised when she asked readers who had children if they'd do it again, had they a choice, and found that the overwhelming majority of respondents (self-selected, of course) said that they wouldn't. Even if the parents who would have kids again just hadn't bothered to reply, getting a large "no, wouldn't repeat that" was stunning to her.

So I'd say feel good that you know your own minds, and tell everyone who's saying you should have kids that they can have the pair you decided against if they're so in favor.

[joneschick]

40. I actually did give that to my mom

we had 3 daughters (2 carefully planned, 1 bonus)and my mom wanted us to "try again for a boy" because she had 3 boys before I came along. So to her thinking, I was apparently scheduled for a boy if we would just try again! I finally told her, "Mom, we figured out what was causing that and stopped doing it." She never brought it up again.

[idgiehkt]

49. that is priceless

:rofl:

[bridgit]

25. oh lord here we go...

[quiet.american]

28. Alright! I'm not alone. Checking in!

I've never yearned for the duties of motherhood, and unfortunately, my life has been such that I can't see past the duties to the well-documented joys of having children.

[NewWaveChick1981]

31. I figured there were a lot of us...

:hi: Thanks for the input!

One more thing... I had an abortion in 1999 when I experienced birth control failure. :( I exercised my right to choose after deciding jointly with my husband that it was the right thing to do. That event set in stone my decision not to have children. Believe me, it was not an easy decision, but it was the right one for us.

[Writer]

32. My sister and her husband were childless by choice... until... (some advice)

if you have decided to be childless by choice, make darn well sure it won't happen. My sister and her husband were adamant about not having children until the stork made an unexpected visit when she was 39. She had her first child at 40. She is now 43 and I don't see another on the way. My BIL is considering a vasectomy. Probably a good idea, but a few years too late, imho. My middle sister just made 40 and is a newlywed... I don't think they will have children, either, but we shall see.

BTW: My little niece is wonderful! And it took an incredible amount of pressure off of me, 31 and married for almost 6 years. Believe me, my parents saw me as the "last hope." :eyes: It made options such as completing a PhD rather difficult. I do want children myself, just not yet. I can't tell you whether my sister and BIL feel "bettered" by the surprise, but they appear to be dealing with it well.

One more thing: Chick, you're an intelligent woman. There was a day and time when a woman looked at the world around her and asked herself, "What does the world need from me the most?" The answer, before the days of overpopulation, starvation, and disease, was "bear children." Today, given all the issues we have in the world, when a woman asks herself that same question, the answer is, more and more, to use her mind and talents to help solve the problems around her. I wouldn't worry about your choice for one minute.

On edit: Spelling. And grammar... what a day. :(

[NewWaveChick1981]

34. Thanks, Writer...

You're right---make sure it won't happen! :P And it's good that the pressure is off you now!

:hug: Your last paragraph is right on! I don't regret my decision at all. I think my husband has at times, but he agrees most of the time.

[Writer]

35. ...

:hug:

When my in-laws discover that I'm pursuing PhD work, I am probably going to be subject to similar conversations. If I gain admission, I will be 32 when I start the program... after another 4-5 years of school, and I will be upwards of 36-37 when I finish. Then there will be tenure track work, etc. etc. etc... a part of me wishes I could be satisfied with a simpler life.

[mikeytherat]

33. Checking in: Mrs. Rat and I, married 16 years, no kids

Lots of these:


and these:


and together:


mikey_the_rat

[Hobarticus]

36. We have dogs, that brings us joy...

Our parents call them "the grandkids"...the idea that you must procreate to be happy in life or your marriage is absurd.

[NewWaveChick1981]

38. So do we...

:hi: Your dogs are such cuties! My dog Casey looks just like the doggie on the left (is that a Lab or Lab mix?). Our other dog Vicki looks like the RCA Victor dog but she is taller and leaner. :)

I totally agree! :)

[Hobarticus]

39. Thanks! That's Guinness and Sampson...

Guinness is a border collie/lab mix, four years old, about fifty pounds. Best dog I ever had the pleasure to share a home with. Can't go wrong with any sort of lab mix.

Sampson is my wife's min-pin, and he's the devil incarnate. He took a while to grew on me.

Hey, dogs will never wreck the car, drop out of school, get arrested, or put you in a home when you grow old. I'll take my chances with dogs, any day.

[NewWaveChick1981]

41. You got that right!

:rofl: Guinness looks a lot like a Lab/border collie mix we had named Diana. She was also about 50 lbs. We got her in 1993 when she was about a year old, and that dog was so sweet and intelligent! She died when she was nine (cancer). Casey is a six-year-old Lab/Doberman mix, and she's about 80 lbs., so she has Guinness beat. :) LOL about Sampson---our dog Vicki is very sweet but is trouble on wheels. :rofl:

[Hobarticus]

43. What fun would a boring dog be?

Their personalities are what make 'em who they are. If we didn't like 'em ornery, then we'd just keep wombats or something.

Have a great weekend!

[RetroLounge]

42. I have two kids, by choice...

but my CBC fantasy sure kicks in at times :rofl: As in WTF was I thinking? :D

:hi:

RL

[NewWaveChick1981]

54. My sister has two kids AND the same CBC fantasy...

:rofl: :hi: She's jealous as hell, btw... :P

[distantearlywarning]

45. Hubby and I are not having kids.

We're in our 30's and not likely to change our minds (heck, we don't even want a dog because they're too much work). He got neutered a few years back, and both of us feel that it was one of the best decisions we ever made as a couple. No birth control, no unplannned pregnancies, it's great!

Luckily, neither of our respective sets of parents seem to mind very much, or at least they haven't said anything if they do mind.

The biggest problem we have encountered so far is that everyone we know at our age is now having kids. This unfortunately interferes with our social plans, because nobody is free to hang out with us anymore. Sometimes we hang out with them, but well, we didn't have kids for a reason. And that reason is that we don't like kids. Even the well-behaved ones are just not our cup of tea.

Nobody has bugged us about our choice, though. Which is good, because I'd tell them where to stick it. I don't tell my child-having friends that they shouldn't do it, or that they'll "change their minds later", and they don't get to tell me what to do either.

We have one child-free friend, though, who gets harrassed by her "mommy" co-worker on a weekly basis. She's always telling this woman to mind her own business, but she won't stop bugging our friend about having kids. I don't get that. Sometimes I just think these people want other people to share the misery.

[In_The_Wind]

46. I did my part for Zero Population Growth.

[riona]

47. Childless by choice

And, I don't think the population is suffering without my contribution.

[Kat45]

48. Me! Never wanted them; never had them.

I never cared for kids much. Always said I didn't want kids; people said I'd change my mind; I didn't. I have enough trouble taking care of my bird sometimes; I can't imagine taking care of a kid. I'm 51 now and just had that operation, so I'll definitely never have kids. And it's fine with me. :-)

[Hell Hath No Fury]

50. 46 and child-free...

I have known forever that I was just not cut out to be a birth parent -- I don't have the patience, resources, or temperment for it. Luckily my family has accepted this with no problems -- I have (thankfully) never once suffered the "lecture".

With that said, I often wish I were the type person who could do with having a family -- I find the idea of it very nice, but know that the reality would be something quite different. I think because of this I have been open to finding a partner who has children from a prior relationship -- just so long as they are old enough to wipe their own butts. :D

[Blue_Tires]

51. here i am!

not a whole lot of luck finding a similar-minded mate, though :argh:

[calico1]

52. Another CBC checking in..

I pretty much knew by about 25 that I didn't want any of my own, though I adore my nephews an nieces. I am now 48. Thankfully, because of my age I don't get the stupid comments anymore. But boy I used to! "You need to have a child to be complete." "Every woman should have a child." "I just don't understand why you wouldn't want to have children." "children are such a joy." My favorite one: "Who will take care of you when you are old?" Like it is right to have a child so you can have a future caretaker. :eyes: I just got back from a visit with my Dad. I spent Thanksgiving with him as it was his first without my Mom. I saw the sister of a neighbor from the street that I had not seen in years. First question she asks me is "Are you married?" I said yes though I live with mine. Then she asks "How many babies did you have?" Now I was friends with her sister back when I lived at home. I didn't really know her that well. And she asks me about babies. Apparently, to many people, making sure everyone has babies is very important. I have never regretted not having kids. And I was blessed with parents who never, EVER nagged me or any of my sisters about having kids. Get this: I had a friend once who was one of 3 children: a brother that had married an older woman with children and had no plans to have any more, a sister who could not have children, and her. Her mother actually suggested she get pregant through a sperm donor so that she could have a grandchild. How sick is that? No concern over whether my friend actually wanted a child or anything. Just that she provide her with a grandchild.

[Akoto]

53. Well, I'm only a 21 year old male, but ...

I've already decided that I'm going to be childless. Just a personal preference.

I'll leave the procreation to my brother, and then I'll be the awesome uncle who the kid likes better. ;)

[trof]

55. We're "childed by choice", but...

it's just not a subject I would ever bring up. With anyone. Let alone my daughter.

I wouldn't ask you and your husband what your favorite sexual position is, or if you have simultaneous orgasms.

Jesus. Some things are just personal and should stay that way.
Before we did have a child, one of Miz t.'s aunts ( a real biddy) would corner me at family gatherings and say "Anything WRONG with you, boy? How come she ain't pregnant yet?"

One evening I was totally fed up with her (and a bit into the whiskey - Dutch courage) and said "I guess 'cause we just don't fuck any more."

And I never heard another word.
:evilgrin:

[Rabrrrrrr]

66. ROTFL! I love you, trof!

You're the best!

"She ain't preggers cuz I only fuck her in the ass! Hey - you're older than me and you had a husband: ever take one of his cumloads to your face? How'd it taste? I bet you blew him something rotten before you was married!"

[NewWaveChick1981]

68. OMG! Perfect!

:rofl: Love your answer! :applause:

[enigmatic]

56. Childfree

and always will be, and very, very happy.

[hippywife]

57. CBC here.

Plus when you marry at 38, that kind of nips those types of pressures in the bud. While you can do it and many people do, no one really expects you to start reproducing at that age.

[jus_the_facts]

59. Checkin' in...

.....I love children but don't want any...got three kitties who were strays without a home so I adopted them instead! :hi:

[Floogeldy]

60. More like . . . .

. . .childless by luck. :blush:

[ganeshji]

61. No children

I can't deal with boogers, play-doh, or whining and that seems to come with the territory.

[Pool Hall Ace]

62. Childfree here.

My tubes were sliced, diced, and sauteed a month after King George's coronation.

I first decided I wasn't having kids while I was still a kid myself. Back then, children didn't have any autonomy at all. I saw no reason to force someone to endure the hell that is childhood. Plus, my father didn't like any of us; what if I had children and didn't like them? You can't send them back.

These days, it seems that children have all of the autonomy, and their parents are their slaves. I do get along with some children, but for the most part, I don't care for them. The constant racket would drive me nuts.

[Withywindle]

63. Here I am!

I knew from when I was very little - couldn't stand baby dolls or child dolls. Much preferred stuffed animals and Star Wars.

I've just never felt the desire, not one little bit. I don't even think babies are all that cute, I don't get that "aww" feeling over them or anything. And I feel it's something you BETTER NOT do unless you know in your bones that you want to desperately.

If I haven't felt "broody" by 37, I bet I never will. And if I do, I'd rather adopt a child who's already here and needs a family. (Preferably one past diapers.)

[SPKrazy]

64. I Can Understand That Sentiment

however we used modern science to have a child

The last line of your post hit me hard. "Given that our marriage is not great at the moment, it's a blessing that we don't have children"

So, given that our marriage is not great at all at the moment, it would be simpler without the child (that I'd never trade for anything because I love him more than life itself)

that makes me very sad at the moment actually

:nuke:

[NewWaveChick1981]

69. I didn't intend to bring up that pain, Southpawkicker...

:hug: I know you love your son. :) But I do understand. :pals:

[SPKrazy]

71. Oh No I Know You Didn't

Hell everything brings up that pain anymore- I think it is grief

Thanks for the hugs

and all

:hug:

and

:pals:

back at you!

[Rabrrrrrr]

65. Goddamn breeders should shut the fucking fuck up, and leave people alone.

There's a part of me that thinks the death penalty should be reserved for the clueless, self-centered fuckwits who want to decide people's procreation for them.

Ugly fucking shitbags, they are.

[NewWaveChick1981]

70. Well put, Rabrrrrr...

:applause:

[pink-o]

67. When I was young I never felt stable enough

...to breed. Men came and went in my life, and as I was raised by 2 parents, I at least wanted to have some sort of security for a child--the best intentions, even if the relationship didn't last a lifetime. Also, it hasn't been till recently that I've been financially solvent--and I think that's also an important criterion for bringing babies into this crazy world.

So...CBC, although more so because life has been astounding, amazing, but not conducive of child-rearing. Now that I'm 52, settled into one job and one location, I could probably do it--but it's too late! One should have kids at a young-ish age in order to hang around as long as possible to annoy them :). I would only have about 20 good years with a kid at this point, and I would hate to ruin their 30s and 40s by expecting them to deal with a decrepit parent.

Anyway, I love kids, they're great teachers of life, but it hasn't destroyed my happiness not to have one.

[GoneOffShore]

72. Never wanted kids

Though our goddaughter is a delight.

Told Mrs GoS when she was 38 that if her biological clock went off it was too late. (we'd been together for 17 years at that point and didn't want kids through that time). I said I wasn't going to be attending a college graduation when I was 70.

Hold onto your position. And you can always counter with - Why do I have to have children? I didn't do anything wrong!

(It's a joke folks. I really like kids. I just don't want any of my own.)

[Schema Thing]

73. Since none of you can or could have had my daughter,

it's probably just as well.


}(

lol, how's that for a father's exceptionalism.


ps... the ideal is to make a perfect child with a person with whom you can have a great divorce. That way you are full time single, and half the time a caretaking parent.

[L A Woman]

74. I am 39 and still unsure...

I don't think I want kids but I worry that I will change my mind and it will be too late. I worry that I am missing something really special in life...

I do worry....

[bikebloke]

75. Evolution will probably survive without my line

Considering what awful parents I had, it's probably a good thing. Also, a good thing I had a good grandmother, whose influence became a steady keel keeping me from leaning towards either parent's characteristics.

And it helps that I'm single and content with it.

[Missy Vixen]

76. Don't have them and won't be

I'm 46. I knew when I was in high school that I did not want to have children.

I love kids. I just don't want any of my own. I have never regretted it.

Julie

[idgiehkt]

77. I don't have any...

I'm not ruling it out completely, but I would only do it under certain circumstances: I could work from home, homeschool them etc. The reason I don't have them is because I know you can never trust anyone with your kids. And I wouldn't. They would probably end up neurotic. But being an abuse survivor and having spent alot of times in groups for that I have heard every kind of horror story there is and know that predators come in all varieties, and most of the time are within the family. I sometimes wonder if it is people who don't have this knowledge that procreate.

[SPKrazy]

78. I Have Little Trust For Others Caring For My Son

I know that people that I should have been able to trust betrayed me when I was a child. That is forever in my mind and I am overly protective of my son no doubt. I procreated with this full knowledge, but I can certainly understand someone that wouldn't because when that trust has been broken, it does affect one for life.


How Ya Doin' idgiehkt?

:hi:

[Redstone]

79. Thank you for not using the term "child-free."

You don't want to have kids, fine, that's OK with me, and none of my business actually.

And, to tell the truth, not anybody else's either. Not even family. Good for you for standing up for yourself. It's YOUR decision (and your husband's).

But the term "child-free" makes kids sound like some kind of pollutant. Thanks for not using it.

Redstone

[Lady Effingbroke]

80. No kids for me, thanks.

[REP]

81. ChildFREE!

ChildFREE and twice-sterilized (tubal ligation and endometrial ablation). I've known since I was 9 that I didn't want children, and I'll be 42 is a few weeks - I've never "changed my mind."

Your MIL needs to get her head out of her ass. Your sex life is NONE OF HER BUSINESS!

[Robeson]

83. Happily child-free!...

...:hi:

[kedrys]

84. My mom finally gave up

after my cousins started to spawn, and she became a great-aunt. :D She's happier than all get out, and I'm off the hook. :)

My department boss, however, announced at a company luncheon that "people who marry and don't have kids are selfish". One of my coworkers who is gay and in a settled relationship blanched visibly. I wasn't too thrilled either. What business is it of anyone else if you don't have the parenting gene and recognize it before you get in too deep? :shrug:

[fudge stripe cookays]

85. reprehensor and me....

LOVE having no kids. He got fixed right after we got married.

Even if we wanted to now, we probably couldn't. Between the MS and all my problems with my girlie parts, I wouldn't want to try it.

Every time a kid starts screaming in some restaurant, I just lean back and smile that they're not mine!

[dysfunctional press]

87. child-free in chicago!! and LOVING it!!

i'm 45, my wife is 48, we've been married 17 years, and our 3 cats are offspring enough for us.

and i had a vasectomy 8 years ago to make doubly sure.

[Deja Q]

89. That's what Maxwell Smart said...

"and LOVING it!!"

Dunno if he had a vasectomy, but he did have two kids... one of which became a FOX TV revivial in 1995... until he vamoosed to star in NewsRadio...

[Deja Q]

88. Nope. Not for me.

I know I would not make a good father.

I already have a parrot; whom I love dearly but can be a chore...

There are 6 billion people on this planet already. Unless given a good reason, I see no need to add to its number.

[LuLu550]

91. Not childless but BRAVO to all of you!

If you know parenthood is not for you, it is great that you stand up for yourselves and not get badgered into having a kid/or kids. Those that do give in are not doing anyone any favors, especially the kids. I know far to many people who discover they weren't "Cut out to be parents" AFTER they have kids. (I work in a high school, we see the fall-out!)

I think you did the right thing with your MIL, too. You told her what would happen and you followed through.

on edit: I had to raise both mu kids myself because their dad decided he wasn't cut out for fatherhood after they were born. But I knew I wanted kids so I didn't resent the kids. Having said that, now that they are grown and on their own I have two little dogs to keep me company.

I have often told people if I knew how much love I could get from a dog, I might not have had kids!