CONFESS!!! Craziest Junior/High School essay you ever wrote

[LynneSin]

I found a box filled with some of my old school projects and found this doozy of a report I wrote in 1979 in junior high school music class about how the Knack was going to be the next big supergroup of the 80s.

What kind of crazy reports did you write back when you were in school?

[Crazy Dave]

1. I took the "F" instead

To much sex, drugs and rock & roll to mess with than do homework.

[underpants]

2. Every paper in Intermediate and high school was on the same topic

"Animal Farm" by Orwell. 8th grade all the way through graduation.

I had a friend who wrote on Moby Dick and another one who did Treasure Island in one form or another.

[Left Is Write]

3. I didn't know I was supposed to write crazy reports.

If I do say so myself, I wrote some good papers. :)

That said, I have to admit to the paper I wrote with a small group for Sociology class junior year (there were three of us assigned to work together): a study on the dating habits of students at BHS. :eyes:

[johnnie]

4. I had one and the topic was "To conquer inner-space"

I wrote that between the top and the bottom of the page is inner-space and as I fill it in with words about the page I am conquering inner-space. I filled the whole page and at the end I said, I have just conquered inner-space.

The bastard gave me a C and said it was a cop-out. Damn teachers never recognized my genius..LOL

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

5. My sister wrote her own version of Metemorphisis where she woke up as a Dildo

in a sex toy shop. It was the best thing she ever wrote. He teacher wanted her to submit it to playboy.

[JVS]

6. How to make fake boogers out of rubber cement, with an example...

stuck to the middle of a page.

[seemunkee]

7. 8 page comic book on "The Death of Baldar"

for a Norse mythology project.
I still have it and it cracks me up everytime I come across it.

[Orsino]

8. Hmm. Oral report, analysis of a poem...

...using a Jethro Tull song.

[LynneSin]

9. I did one with Bohemiem Rhapsody

We were suppose to find examples of great poetry in music. Everyone came in with some bubble-gum pop hit circa 1981, I came in with Bohemian Rhapsody from Queen. I also got the highest score in that class.

Obviously this was done after I recognized my failure to distinguish the next supergroup when I had picked The Knack.

[Richardo]

16. "Sitting on a park bench...."

:P

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

10. Back when Tinky Winky was first declared gay...

I had to write a first-person essay based on something that wasn't real. I chose Tinky Winky. It was a pretty damn funny essay. I still have it somewhere.

[Kali]

11. Not sure it was crazy, maybe a bit controversial.

Deviant Sexual Behavior in Nature.

[LynneSin]

12. In High School?

yikes!

[Lautremont]

13. "Why Grasshoppers Have Lips"

This was for biology, of course. Needless to say, I did better in the more creative classes. Not much of a science whiz. I ended up making movies, extracurricularily (if that's a word), to get my last few credits so I could graduate.

[crim son]

14. A short story

about the agony of tension endured while waiting outside the bathroom door. I got an A, and at St. Peter's Catholic college in Palmersont North, New Zealand, that was an accomplishment :)

[SPKrazy]

31. You Went To School In New Zealand?

wow, I'm envious

That country always appealed to me in a way that no place else ever has.

Someday I will go there.

;-)

[crim son]

38. Only for one year, on an exchange.

It is a beautiful country and if it were closer I'd probably live there now.

[SPKrazy]

39. Too Cool

that is awesome

I once thought that I'd like to go work there, they are always advertising for social workers there

Who knows, maybe I will some day?

Not today though. In another life? :P

[thefool_wa]

15. 1991 AP Economics & 1990 Soph Biology

I took the AP Econ class because all of my friends were in it, I had to take Economics and I wanted a couple of challenge classes my senior year.

However, I hated studying the material. About 3 weeks into the class we are given 6 essay topic choices and two days to write an essay. I hadn't read a single page of the book and only paid cursory attention in the class, so I picked "Explain why there is no such thing as a free lunch." and wrote the essay in about two hours (with editing and proofreading time).

I thought the essay was a load of BS. AS far as I knew I made the whole thing up, but the teacher gave me an B+ and said that I was explaining "opportunity costs" and would have received an A if I had used the term.

A year and a half previous in Sophomore Biology I "did" a science project on the feasibility of several different methods for oil spill cleanup. I didn't do a single experiment but was still able to give a presentation wherein I compared fictional results of burning, soaking with styrofoam, and skimming. I had diagrams and charts and spoke for 10 minutes even answering questions from the class and teacher on the results. I was amazed when I got a B, and knew that day that I would never need to study (and didn't at all throughout high school).

Being a genius can rock sometimes :)

[Jimbo S]

17. High school economics in 1983

that the Dow Jones would maybe top 1,000 but that would be it.

[thefool_wa]

19. Wow

I hope you don't work in Economics now :)

[Jimbo S]

24. No, not in the stock market at all

LOL (except for the 401-k stuff)

Embarked in a career in engineering.

[conscious evolution]

25. LOL I 'did' a report

for a tech writing class.100% pure unadulterated bullshit! Got an A!The proffesor told me later that he knew it was BS but he gave me an A because I followed the format for the type of paper perfectly.

My sister and her friends would take very obscure songs and turn them in as 'poetry' for a composition class.Either her or one of her friends was asked if they would like their 'poem' entered into a state contest.

[thefool_wa]

41. I knew a guy in Jr High

who tried to pass the lyrics to Metallica's "To Live is To Die" as his own poetry - the teacher was a metallica fan but htis guy couldn't fathom how a teacher could listen to metallica...

He got an F.

[SteppingRazor]

18. My best/most ridiculous was in college

I wrote a 20-page term paper titled "The History of Outlaw Journalism, from Stephen Crane to Hunter Thompson." In honor of the Doctor, I wrote the whole thing in one night in a speed-fueled frenzy.

I got a B.

[mzteris]

20. craziest? I don't know - they were all weird.

Freshman year I wrote one on how there really was a Santa - the spirit of giving at Christmas. (bleh)

Sophomore year - The Nine months of Gestation (for Biology class).

Junior year - I think I compared Faulkner to Dante (or some other weird combination.)

Senior year - A comparative study of early 20th Century writers to Doestoevsky (Thornton Wilder and some others I don't remember.)

Also my Sr. year - the one that really got me in trouble. The Christian Myth. (I was a devout Southern Baptist - ok - devout is probably not the best word - but I practiced hard!) I was writing about all of the symbolism that Christianity took from early mythology, etc.

The problem was, my English teacher was the Youth Minister at my Church. He took the paper to the Pastor. They called my parents. I had to go in for "spiritual counseling". Man what a ruckus that caused.

edit typo.

[SacredCow]

21. Probably one that was a group effort...

We had a sub in senior english one day. The regular teacher (who we all generally regarded as something of a self-centered biotch) left "busy work" instructions for us. We had just finished Swifts "A Modest Proposal" so we felt it appropriate to write something in that vein against wasting our time with busy work.

When the regular teacher returned, she was quite offended that we regarded her assignment as busy work; however, what we did was within the scope of the assignment so she had to give us credit.

[Kat45]

22. Our English teacher, who I hated, taught us hyperbole

We had to write a description in hyperbole, and I wrote a description of what he looked like. He recognized himself and read it out loud to the class. He thought it was funny; I was embarrassed.

[LSK]

23. in college I wrote about how a book sucked

And I couldnt finish it.

I got a B. :D

[martymar64]

26. In HS, I wrote a paper on how to grow weed

In college, I wrote a paper on legalizing weed.

So I'm a pothead . . .got a problen with that?

[Ekirh]

27. I gave a review on green ketchup . . .

Back in Journalism class. . . I think I gave it a thumbs up . . .

Just for the record.. I never touched that stuff again . .

Oh and I wrote a speech about, ohhhh boy, leash laws for cats.

[rustydog]

28. 1967,wrote that if you smoked marijuana, you'd soon become

a heroin addict. I actually believed it then!

[Kat45]

29. Had to do a parody of the "Julius Caesar" "Friends, Romans, countrymen" speech

I wrote mine on the trial of the Chicago 7.

[tinfoil tiaras]

30. I wrote an essay about R.E.M. for history last year

and got an A+ on it to boot! It was amazing, because I already knew like EVERYTHING about them...:)

[SPKrazy]

32. Write About What You Know

it makes it a heck of a lot easier than writing about something you don't know

I love REM too

:hi:

[tinfoil tiaras]

33. Awesome! There are so many R.E.M. fans on here!

People around me just don't appreciate good music..haha.

[SPKrazy]

35. Thanks For Turning Me On To The Decemberists !!

I downloaded some of their songs after listening to some, that 15 military wives song is just cool.

I think I will have to get some more of their songs, they remind me (like you said) of REM, and kind of a beatles sound- like Sgt. Pepper's era.

Good stuff!



:pals:

[tinfoil tiaras]

37. You're welcome!

16 Military Wives is one of my faves.

They are kinda like R.E.M. And Colin Meloy (the lead singer) sang on the latest Minus 5 record (R.E.M.'s guitarist, Peter Buck is in The Minus 5)

[SPKrazy]

40. Wow, That Is Cool

that explains some of it.

they are just great

:thumbsup:

[jmm]

34. I always wanted my papers to be unique.

In high school I wrote papers about how to start a cult, how to start a dictatorship, why Disney movies (as well as most of the film and music industries) suck, why OJ would be acquitted, why Romeo and Juliet is te most over rated love story ever, Snoop Dogg's attempted murder trial, a poem about a priest I knew in Catholic school (whom I later found out had been molesting children), a Pygmalion/Jerry Springer/Judge Judy inspired play, and a Christmas story my teacher described as the most twisted depressing holiday story he ever read.

In college it got even worse :evilgrin:.

[Art_from_Ark]

36. Something I wrote in 10 minutes between Spanish class and English class

then I had to read it to the whole English class.

It had something to do with some 19th century Austrian nobleman sitting on the floor of his castle "dressed in the finest vestments available in the Empire", including a pair of beat-up Keds sneakers and a tattered Farrah-Fawcett T-shirt. Everyone was cracking up.

After the class, some of the students asked me what drug I had taken before I wrote it. No drugs, just a natural dopamine surge, I guess.

[blogslut]

42. If I had written it today

They would have, well, I don't want to think what they would have done. Fortunately, it was the late seventies and as a generation, we were pretty much on our own.

My uncle once proposed a theory that suicidals and murderers join together. That way, suicidals could die without shame and murderers would be guiltless, having granted a death wish.

I decided to freak out my creative writing teacher and wrote that proposal as an assignment. My hope was that alerts would be alerted, secret conferences would be held and pearls would be clutched firmly. Sadly, I was not reprimanded and my English teacher didn't said 'boo' to me about my paper. I think I made a low 'A'.

[ganeshji]

43. These are so bad

John Gotti: American Hero
Harry Truman: American Hero
John Wayne: American Hero
Skeletor: American Hero
Janet Reno: American Heroine (and a variation on a theme)
Charles Bukowski: American Hero
Socrates: American Hero (I got a B on it)
Tony Montana: American Hero
Crackheads on Crack
I would rather eat my sister than my dog (I still would, actually)
The Virtue of Velcro