Anyone else get christmas cards with those self-congratulatory biographies

[Fuzz]

written by the sender in them?

I have a couple religious relatives that do this EVERY DAMN YEAR and it's always filled with look how good we are shit followed by all because of our great god and thank Jesus, etc. If they report a setback, god is apparently testing them. It's become a running joke, and now we almost look forward to the damn things.

[China_cat]

1. I get one from a geologist friend every year

with pictures of where they're living now. Most fun was the pictures of the family spending the summer with one of the horse tribes in Mongolia. And his adventure with drinking the fermented horse milk...kumiss (I think that's the spelling) "See me politely not throw up on our hosts".

[begin_within]

2. I wish someone would write a satire of those: "And little Joe was released on parole in August..."

[Pendrench]

27. David Sedaris wrote a piece called: "Seasons Greetings to Our Friends and Family!!!"

It's from his book "Holidays on Ice" (which also includes "The Santaland Diaries").

Very dark/sick humor.

Tim

[some guy]

3. I always enjoy those

I find it pleasant that people I know and care about have good things happening in their lives.

:hi:

[Squatch]

4. I used to get them from my brother...

he's pretty damned funny when he wants to be, so they were always a treat.

However, ever since he's been hitting the sauce, they've been a little more somber.

[Beausoir]

5. Got one yesterday where the woman slammed her newly ex-husband. Just shredded the guy.

Basically outed him as an abusive alcoholic. Just ripped him to shreds.

I barely know the woman. Her son plays football with my son.

I wonder how many thousands she had printed up and mailed.

And then it was filled with line after line of how Jesus died for our sins and God is testing her and repent and...over and over.

[Lex]

6. Just send this one out and maybe people will get the point:

(Well, it needs updating, but other than that . . . )

Dear Friend,

It is that time of year again to share with you our adventures in this journey we call life. 2000 has been another year of magic and wonder...

Lori almost 3, is quite a talker. She continues to amaze the professors at the University with her intuition in foreign languages. It was fun for her to serve as Official Translator for Warren Christopher at the Bosnian-Serbian Peace Talks. She intends to spend this Holiday transcribing War and Peace into Arabic and Cantonese.

Chris, now 5, is growing in leaps and bounds. When he got his first set of building blocks he seemed quite interested in large buildings. This year he designed his first skyscraper and ground was broken in Hong Kong for the new "Little Man" Towers. It is great to have a budding architect at home as he made a new addition to the house and a wonderful gazebo for our garden. Martha Stewart will be filming her next show here in April.

Betsy had a very busy year. In between her work as President of the American Cancer Society and Senior Partner of Goldman Sachs, she introduced a line of children's novels and hand made active-wear. She remains occupied with the children and has introduced them to Yoga and power walking this year. We are particularly proud of Mom as a starting forward representing the United States in the World Cup.

Dave was immersed with his Graduate School studies, and managed to co-author a paper on Multidimensional Customer Attribute Analysis by Conjoint Survey and accept a Nobel Prize for his discoveries in Quantum Physics. Along the way Dave took three startups through their IPO. We are proud of his work serving on the Board of Directors of IBM, Coca-Cola, and Walt Disney. Dad was also active with the kids teaching Lauren Ballet and helping to lower Chris' handicap to 5. We were able to squeeze a little traveling in this year. We started in Aspen, went to Belarus, the Congo, Denmark, Ethiopia, the Falklands, Greenland, Holland, Italy, Japan, Korea, Malaysia, New Zealand, Venezuela, and Zaire. Our trip sailing our new boat around the world was a great experience for the kids, we learned to communicate with Dolphins and discovered a new region of deep water volcanoes.

And Sergeant, our German shepherd, learned to speak. Latin. Other than that, it was a very quiet year. So from our household to yours, all the Blessings of the Season and may your New Year be prosperous.

We found out yesterday that we won the $150 Million Powerball Lottery.

The Wannabes,
Betsy, Dave, Chris & Lori

http://www.anickoftime.ca/xmas/xmletter.html

[Chorophyll]

8. Excellent!

I get these things from a couple of people and I always feel like there's some kind of unspoken despair simmering under the self-congratulatory fluff. Otherwise, why even bother?

[Fuzz]

9. Nice! Either that or go completely the opposite way.

And just whine and complain about all the horrible things that happened that year. :)

[Writer]

7. Yes.

And rarely is it ever about giving thanks to God; in more cases than not, it's about posturing oneself BEFORE God.

[Oeditpus Rex]

10. Send 'em this

Old Hank Williams song:



I went to the country just the other day
To see my uncle Bill and sorta pass the time away
I asked him how he’d been since last I’d passed his way
He rubbed his chin — here’s what he had to say

'My wife’s been sick — the young’ns, too
And I’m durn near down with the flu
The cow’s gone dry and them hens won’t lay
But we’re still a-livin’, so ever’thing’s okay

'The hogs took the cholera and they’ve all done died
The bees got mad and they left the hive
The weevils got the corn and the rain rotted the hay
But we’re still a-livin’, so ever’thing’s okay

'The porch rotted down - that’s more expense
The durned old mule, he tore down the fence
The mortgage is due and I can’t pay
But we’re still a-livin’, so ever’thing’s okay

'The cow broke in the field and et up the beans
The durn rabbits, they got the turnip greens
And my ma-in-law just moved in to stay
But we’re still a-livin’, so ever’thing’s okay

'My land’s so poor, so hard and yeller
You have to set on a sack of fetilizer to raise an umbreller
And it rains out here nearly ever’ day
But we’re still a-livin’, so ever’thing’s okay

'The well’s gone dry and I have to tote the water
Up from the spring, about a mile and a quarter
My helper, he quit for the lack of pay
But we’re still a-livin’, so ever’thing’s okay

'The house it leaks — it needs a new top
When it rains it wets ever’thing we got
The chimney fell down just yesterday
But we’re still a-livin’, so ever’thing’s okay

'The corn meal's gone and the meat’s run out
Got nothin’ to kill to put in the smokehouse
The preacher’s comin’ Sunday to spend the day
But we’re still a-livin’, so ever’thing’s okay

'The canned stuff’s spoiled, else the jar’s got broke
And all we got left is one old billy goat
We’re gonna have a new baby about the first of May
But we’re still a-livin’, so ever’thing’s okay

'My crop, it rotted in the ground
I asked for another loan but the banker turned me down
But we’re still a-livin’ and we’re prayin’ for better days
So, after all, ever’thing’s in purty good shape'

[Nikia]

11. My mother sends them out

She even includes a line about us still living in Wisconsin.

[Fuzz]

12. I used to live in Wisconsin, Wauwatosa

[AllegroRondo]

28. Ah, Wisconsin

remember the "Escape to Wisconsin" tourism campaign?

we used to get the bumper stickers and cross out the "to".

[patricia92243]

13. My daughter sends them - much to my embarrassment.

[yellowdogintexas]

14. my old roommate and her husband send them , with a photo of

the family. I look forward to them because even if we have managed to not communicate all year, I at least know they are OK, Aunt Christine is still alive and kicking @ 94 and some event or another that was out of the ordinary.

These are usually to the point, and often funny letters.

However, I have received the ones with the constant kid bragging and self aggrandizing stuff. Maybe I perceive it that way because of what I know about the persons who have sent them, but the between the lines message on them is quite different from the gentler, newsier types.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

15. My family never gets those, fortunately.

The rabid fundie-biography-sender-crowd isn't too vocal in coastal Maine. Now, up in the County...

:P

:hi:

[Left Is Write]

16. No. I get some newsletters...

but none I would describe as bragging or self-congratulatory.

[Kat45]

17. I get two of these every year.

One is from my friend in New Zealand. It's a good way for him to keep in touch with everyone here in the States. He has a great sense of humor and a sarcastic wit, which make his 'newsletter' fun to read. He prints it on his computer, complete with photos.

The other one is from another friend, who is doing very well, and his family. It can be sickening to read because it sounds like bragging when they tell you how well each of the parents and children are doing, and describe all the wonderful family vacations they had that year, etc.

[Bullwinkle925]

18. I absolutely detest them.

If you have so GD much to say - call me and fill me in on the important updates - DON'T wait to fill me in and (embelish) it all in the Xmas card. Irritates the heck outta me.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

19. I'd rather get one of those letters than just a card with a signed name

from someone I haven't seen for twenty years. "Okay, you're alive. What else?"

It's almost a cliche to disparage "those awful Christmas letters," as if no right-minded yuppie would ever condescend to write one of those "low-class" epistles. We're all supposed to laugh when comedians talk about them. But I see them differently.

I've lived elsewhere for literally half my life, so I have a lot of friends I rarely see, and I LIKE to know what's happening with them. I really do. It's fascinating to think that children I last saw when they were babies are graduating from college and getting married. I'm happy for their accomplishments, especially since I know how some of them have struggled with poverty and illness. I feel bad when they report having cancer or losing their jobs.

So what's wrong with sharing one's news with old friends?

If Christmas letters actually bug you that much, and you're not just echoing what everyone else says, toss them away unread without making a big production number out of your distaste for them. Me? I enjoy them and actually hate getting cards with just a signed name, or worse yet, an engraved name.

[fudge stripe cookays]

24. Me too!

I like keeping the ones from cousins in with my genealogy files. It helps me pinpoint folks from one year to the next, remember when people got married, etc.

I hate the ones with just signatures!

:hi: Lydia! (Sorry about Japan-- I meant to chime in on your thread, but got interrupted.)

[Missy Vixen]

20. I write a holiday letter every year

We have friends and former colleagues all over the country now. We'd like to keep in touch with them, and find out what they've been doing, too. I also enjoy the photographs of our friends' families.

This year's topics? DH's job, my job, our cats, the recent flooding in our area, etcetera.

Julie

[yurbud]

21. I don't like writing that kind of stuff in cover letters for jobs that I need.

[yurbud]

22. Do it in the same self-congratulatory tone, but talk about your small triumphs as a homeless family:

Nancy and I just staked an underpass with a beautiful view of the I5. Our onramp for begging is only steps away. The children are making remarkable progress. At age 5 and 7, their pimp says they are his top earners. We hope to collect enough money begging over the holidays to buy a visit with them or at least one of their videos that are available on the internet. We got a golden retriever, Shep, this year. He was delicious.

[LibDemAlways]

23. I get a few of them each year. Some are

redundant because they are from people I see all the time, and I already know what's going on in their lives. Some are nothing but bragging. I got one last year that was a month by month account of the many places the person had travelled. One guy my husband used to work with years ago sends one that includes minute details about stuff no one cares about - the names of his daughter's teachers, for example. Their family photo is always unintentionally funny, though. Last year they had moved to a suburb of Houston and for some inexplicable reason were posing in cowboy attire next to a bale of hay. The all time winner though was one in which the wife was holding an obviously uncomfortable family dog that was apparently struggling to get free and twisted in such a way that its gender was evident.

I personally don't write a "one message fits all" letter. Instead, to those I don't see often, I add a short personal note tailored to the individual recipient. Takes just a few minutes. If I feel inclined to write a longer letter, I usually wait until I have more time after the holidays.

Still, as bad as some of those Christmas letters are, at least they are more interesting than the cards that come from afar with a signature and nothing else.

[jane_pippin]

25. My dad writes them but his are actually funny.

Like, one year he wrote that he was overjoyed that his daughter, (me), called him asking for advice about caulk, proving that she was inclined to handy-work.

[tigereye]

26. I like to hear from friends but those copied letters are

kind of a pain.

I think it would be really fun to do a minimalist/ renegade one, where you just write something like:

ate a a buncha restaurants
kid skinned knee
giant tree fell in backyard
flat tire
headache


and stuff like that.

[Rob H.]

29. A friend sent me a parody of one a couple years ago

He'd been laid off and was still unemployed five months later, and he talked about his year.

"However, being unemployed has given me the opportunity to join a local community organization. They focus on practicing sign language and marksmanship, and REALLY like to wear blue, it’s almost mandatory." (Insert photo of blue-shirt-wearing, pistol-wielding friend flashing 'gang' signs.)

...

"I planned on Christmas shopping this year at my favorite mall, the Mall of Memphis, but it looks like it's under some serious renovations . . . I hope they keep the ice skating rink!" (Photo of vacant lot and construction equipment where the mall used to be.)

...

"The one question I keep asking myself is, "What would Elvis do?" (Photo of friend posing a la Rodin's "The Thinker" at the Elvis statue in downtown Memphis.)