Ever had bad times re: family inheritance?

[bertha katzenengel]

I'm not living it. I'm just curious.

[momophile]

1. my grandpa left his house to

my three sisters and myself. my two cousins, his other grandkids, didn't get anything. I know they were pissed. I don't blame them.

[SPKrazy]

2. No But I See Families Fighting Over This All The Time

very sad thing to see money and greed come between people who loved each other at some point.

Now my dad told me today that in his trust he was leaving certain things to my son, and they were only for my son, so that if something happened to me, my wife would not get them.

He's just being dad, and that's okay with me actually.:hi:

[mopinko]

3. yup. hubby refuses to speak to his family.

they read the will without him, when they put mom in a home. we didn't find out about it until the funeral, over 2 years later. they cleaned out the safe deposit box, and his big brother took the coin collection, willed to us, home with him, why, we do not know. home to green bay, 4 hours from where we (and formerly mom) live. worth a few thousand dollars, at least. we didn't see it, so we don't even know. lots of other little crap, also.
they are a bunch of assholes and snobs, anyway. still...

[Jimbo S]

62. Any legal recourse?

[mopinko]

65. probably

not worth it, tho. it was mostly sentimental stuff, as much as anything else.
the coins were more sentimental- his dad used to do the collection at church. he would sort through the coins every sunday, and buy back the good ones. or just the ones they didn't have. they bought rolled coins from somewhere, also. they did those blue books. they filled almost all the ones they had. plus i guess there was a pile of old silver half dollars and quarters. it was more the memory of shuffling through those coins every sunday.
i'm sure if we drove up there and picked them up it would not really be a problem. he just doesn't want to talk to them. it's the thought that counts, as they say.
they are all either snobs or idiots.

[graywarrior]

4. Dad left everything to my brother.

He spent every cent on whores, booze, and motorcycles.

[Rabrrrrrr]

5. No, thank God - my parents made sure my sister and I knew what they wanted,

and they made sure that their wills specified it, too.: everything split equal, right down the middle. Also, thankfully, by the time Mom died she had sold almost everything of major value (furniture, house, car, etc.), so we didn't have property to deal with (except the miscellaneous shitloads of kitchen stuff, ugly bric a brac that neither of us wanted, and etc.).

And my sister and I get along well, so there also was no potential for fighting on that front.

But I think that even if we had been mortal enemies, the way they did the will and whatnot would have meant that any legal battles we might have attempted would have been quashed. I could be wrong, though - I'm not a lawyer. Maybe there isn't a way to make a very buletproof will.

I feel sorry for anyone (any decent person, that is) who is stuck with a fucked up family fight over the inheritance.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

6. Oh, yeah.

I won't go into the fairly complicated details, but basically what happened was that my evil freeper sister-in-law got really nasty with me over my mom's estate (I was the personal representative), even though the estate was closed before she and my brother got married. She butted in after the estate was closed (and it was none of her business anyhow) and she sent me a really nasty e-mail accusing me of all manner of malfeasance.

Specifically, she was really pissed off because the estate hadn't *paid* my brother for his time spent in looking after Mom while she was sick (although the other family members did the same thing and never even thought of demanding to be paid for it -- that's just what you do for family). My brother himself never asked to be paid, but his nasty new wife thought he should have been paid a big wad of money for his "services." She was incredibly unpleasant about the whole thing and I haven't spoken to her since.

Nothing nastier than people fighting over family estates. And it usually seems to be in-laws or relatives who weren't even close to the person whose money they're after.

:scared:

[amitten]

8. Fuck her. Children are not compensated for taking care of their

parents in old age. It's just what you do.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. Yes. That's what I told her.

I guess maybe in her family they do that. But we don't.

By the way, she drives an SUV plastered with Bush/Cheney stickers. Coincidence? I think not.

[idgiehkt]

7. ooh

I have to tell this story. It is not my story, it is the story of my ex's mom. She was the child of her Dad and his second wife. His first wife had a group of kids he didn't like because they never came to see him, whatever. Even though B, my ex's mom, got pregnant at 15 and dropped out of high school she eventually became some manner of accountant/tax preparer, she is super sharp at math and that kind of thing. Well, anyway B's dad dies and she becomes executrix of the will. He left his first group of kids nothing, and she and her siblings were left his assests to split. Half brother from first set of Dad's kids gets out of jail, years after the will was carried out, tracks B down, goes to her house, pulls out a gun and tells her "B, I come here ta kill ya." He holds her husband and her hostage for several hours. Hubby, who is an engineer himself, and pretty sharp, tries to remind B that there is a gun in the top desk drawer by telling her, "B hand me one of my cigars from that top desk drawer." B, oblivious to his plan, just looks at him and says, "D, how can you think about smoking at a time like this." :rofl:

H, the newly released ex-con half-brother holding the gun on them, gets hungry at one point and even sends D to Bojangles to get him some fried chicken, telling D if he tries anything funny like getting help or calling the police he will kill B, so of course D gets the chicken and returns, manages to make his way to the desk, gets his gun and shoots H in the knee. B calls the cops and they come and take H back to prison. I've seen the pics of D after the scuffle that ensued after he shot H and he got pretty bloodied up, but aside from the bullet wound to the knee that H sustained no one else was hurt.

As an addendum, several years later, H is dying in prison and the sisters from the first wife (who my ex's family think encouraged H to plan to murder B for executing the will the way her father intended) ask B if she will sign a paper agreeing to H's release (to some sort of hospital or their care or something), and of course B says no. So now they hate her even more.


edit:

I just remembered. I'm sitting in front of a very large, very nice cedar chest that was willed to me. It's not in my possession, it's just where it is as a matter of storage. I was not given it as the person who willed it to me intended, because I did not go see this person in the hospital when they were sick, so my mother kept it, which I found out in my wills and estates class was completely illegal. I didn't go see him when he was sick because he tried to rape me when I was a child and my mother knows this. I don't make an issue of it, but when my mom dies I am gonna make sure I get it, and at that point I'll have to decide whether to sell it or burn it. I will probably need the money, but I will also get a great deal of satisfaction from watching the damn thing burn to ashes.

[hedgehog]

47. Hey - the ceder chest is innocent.

I just hate to see old furniture destroyed.

[idgiehkt]

63. well, ante up then.

I'm willing to take cash or cash.

[lildreamer316]

10. Ha ha.

My mother devised an ingenious way to screw me for quite a while after her death--a trust.
I get bits and parts of my inheritance for increments of 3 years, ending 9 years after her death.
Trust presided over by my uncle, poor man. Nothing can be bought, sold or fixed without consultation with him and lawyers. FOR NINE YEARS.
All because I'm a stripper.
We are now ending year two, going on to year three on the second of January.
I believe I will know the value of forgiveness well at the end of this ordeal.

[MonkeyFunk]

58. How did you get screwed?

You don't have rights to your mother's money. You're lucky you got anything at all.

[lildreamer316]

69. Who says?

It's not just my mother's money, it's my parents money, and in addition to me being an only child, they told me they were going to leave it all to me years ago.
She only drafted the trust agreement when she learned I was stripping. Then she showed it to me to try to get me to stop.
It is and was straight out manipulation.
When I moved out of the house, I never asked for one iota of help. That continued until the day she died. The only time before that she helped me with any of HER/THEIR money; was when my finance died in a motorcycle accident, and my car had blown an engine. His family had taken his car, so I had no transportation. She bought me a $5K car, that I have to this day.
Because of the way she had been acting about it all, I did not expect to get anything. However, I would not do such a thing to a child of mine. Either you love them unconditionally or you don't (yes, I am a parent).Either you give, or you don't. After you are dead, what does it matter? It's not like I'm a drug addict or any kind of compulsive spender. And it's not a ton of money anyway,but it is two houses.

I don't really appreciate the snarkiness of your post. You don't know the situation. I would never presume to know what was going on in your family dynamic. I believe families should love and care for one another as long as there is mutual respect and love, and sometimes even when there's not. And part of my inheritance was half of a farm that some of my cousins are living on now. I GAVE it to them -$70,000 worth.

Ah, but I should be grateful for getting anything at all.

Don't worry, I am grateful for EVERYTHING in my life. Every day.

[fudge stripe cookays]

89. You SHOULD be grateful.

My mom and I fight constantly. I'm not getting a dime, and I'm happy about it. IF I did she'd only use the eventual thought of me getting an inheritance to get me to do what she wants. Whereas my brother, who has been completely estranged from her for about 8 years, has now been added back in. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Your parents don't owe you anything. They gave birth to you. What you do with your life is up to you. And she obviously wasn't pleased with your choice. That was her prerogrative.

[QMPMom]

11. Enough troubles to wish that my Grandma had just taken her

money out into a field and burned it. She died in 1979 and the estate was settled in 1985. It was a mess.

[crim son]

12. Bad times as in, I inherited it

and my STBE husband invested it for me? And now it's gone? Yes. :mad:

[SPKrazy]

14. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

That Sucks!

My sister's STBE husband took some money that she had inherited from my mother and spent it. Then she got him to pay it back. Amazed everyone that he did since he is, well very manic and grandiose and no one thought he'd actually pay it back.

:grr:

There's always polonium ;)

The former KGB can't be wrong

:rofl:

[crim son]

15. I'm over it.

I like living better when I can't have everything. Much better, in fact!

[SPKrazy]

16. Hmmm, That's Good

makes for a more interesting person

when you can have everything, shallowness ensues.

[crim son]

17. True.

I fell for this very wealthy young man once. I really liked him and we spoke of having children. But I kept thinking about the money, and how having the money, living in NYC with money, was not me. His family, they were terrible snobs and they hated me because of my funky hair at the time. It ended. He never married, so maybe I made the right decision. On the other hand, he lives in Barcelona. Maybe I didn't.

on edit: I'm sure the parents disliked me for reasons other than my hair!

[SPKrazy]

18. Funky Hair

okay, you are cracking me up.

they hated you because of your funky hair.

Barcelona would be nice.

Naaah, who needs money?


:rofl:

[crim son]

20. Dude, I thought you were going to go to bed at a reasonable

hour for once? You're getting crispy?

I'm going out tomorrow night and tonight I'm warming up. But you, you have to work.

[SPKrazy]

22. I Know....

I feel good, and not tired.

Tomorrow I won't feel good probably.

I'm weak, I can't stay away from DU:rofl:

what's happened to Rev Acts 04?

[crim son]

23. I don't know.

She was missing last night too, wasn't she? Graywarrior might know but I haven't seen her here this evening either. Maybe they went to the opera.

[SPKrazy]

25. Last Time I Remember Her Posting

she was complaining about a sore throat

[crim son]

27. That might be it.

Hope not. A throat would have to be pretty sore to prevent somebody from visiting DU. Let's assume she received a marriage proposal instead, and is reeling in the arms of her True Love at this very moment.

[SPKrazy]

29. That Would Be Cool

at least just being in the arms of her true love, marriage proposal or not

[SPKrazy]

19. Okay, Now I Could Go Edit My Post

but I've already got this one open

I think it was the hair although my mind is trying to figure out what your funky hair was like

[crim son]

21. Long. Bleached almost white.

His dad liked me. His mother HATED me.

[SPKrazy]

24. Okay, I Hate To Say What That Reminds Me Of

someone who is not my wife

has long blonde bleached almost white hair. (her mother gives her a hard time about her hair telling her it doesn't match her skin tones or some such thing)


I've had a few dads that didn't like me, but their mothers did.

must be a gender protection thing

[crim son]

26. I'm sure it is.

He was their only child and I believe I wasn't what they'd hoped for. Now of course they'd welcome me with open arms, lol. I know this because the ex is one of my sister's good friends. Hey! I'm going to be single, he's still single?

Vodka is starting to kick in. I almost posted again on SA's last post BUT I WON'T!

[SPKrazy]

28. You're Still Killing Me

I WON'T

did you use another juicebox?

gotta hit that vein just right or you'll blow it:rofl:

[crim son]

30. Once a decade or so I meet somebody who thinks I'm funny.

The last one was my boss when I worked at Berklee College of Music. She had to move me out of her office because just looking at me made her fall on the floor with laughter. One time she was trying to order a bunch of Yamaha keyboards and she finally had to tell the vendor that she'd call him back because it was impossible for her to talk. This is a very rare occurrence, I assure you. Normally I am the one who enjoys others' sense of humor.

Therefore, you deserve a small hug. :hug:

[SPKrazy]

31. A Small Hug?

for being the once in a decade person who thinks you are funny

i should get at least a medium sized hug!

:rofl: :hug:

but then they all look the same size to me;-)

[crim son]

32. I've short arms. n/t

[SPKrazy]

33. Mine Are Looooong!

[crim son]

34. Scary long.

Anyway, mine are too. They called me "eagle arms" in high school, among other things.

Five minutes and I have to go to bed. It's quiet here in the Lounge tonight, isn't it?

[SPKrazy]

35. It Is Quiet

and I am losing my ability to type

Eagle Arms

High School and Jr High weren't my best memories, especially Jr. High.

counting down!

[crim son]

37. And off I go.

I will do a short hypnosis session. I'm still working on "happy, healthy and optimistic." Don't stay up too long! -L

[Blue-Jay]

36. Space Transportation Booster Engine?

Sing The Body Electric?

[crim son]

38. I had to go back and read my post

and I STILL don't get it! :shrug:

[Blue-Jay]

39. I don't get your acronym.

STBE

[crim son]

40. Oh, me and my drop of vodka.

"Soon-To-Be-Ex." We're separating.

on edit: It turns out I can do *nothing* at zombo.com. But the voice is nice :hi:

Going to bed now before it's too late.

[mainegreen]

45. I'd wondered about that acronym when you used it in another thread!

:rofl:

I had something similar to 'Space Transportation Booster Engine' in mind as well!

[Broken_Hero]

13. My father

went through some rough ones with two of his brothers/sisters who willed stuff to him, instead of their respective ungrateful kids...my wife's side has seen horrendous affairs, which I will not go into detail...but, they were really nasty...

[grasswire]

41. what do you think of this?

A father of four adult children stood to inherit a LOT of money as provided in a trust from his parents. He had fought his first wife over child support to provide for the four children, incidentally, basically abandoning the family except for a pittance of child support. By the time the grandpa died, the man was on his second (this one childless) marriage. The grandma was becoming senile, so the man acquired power of attorney and control of the trust. He never comingled the trust funds with the funds of his second marriage -- he secretly planned to leave her later, and kept the funds separate so she would have no claim on trust monies.

Then, shortly after the grandma dies, he takes up with his second wife's best friend and basically breaks up her marriage. She has two teenage boys. She and he eventually get married, and he reports to his four grown children (who have four young children between them) that he has written a will leaving all of the trust to his new, third, younger wife. She will be the executor of the trust monies that grandpa and grandma assumed would eventually go to their grandchildren, and also have all of the family heirlooms at her disposal at his death.

So, essentially, at this point the monies that the grandparents thought would eventually take care of their grandchildren are now being used to support the third wife and HER CHILDREN. He and this third family go on expensive vacations, buy any object they desire, etc., while his own children and grandchildren, flesh and blood, struggle along to meet living expenses. He did not pay anything to educate his children - they have huge student loans. Family money could have gotten them a good start in life, but instead this man is dicking around with a younger family on money that should have gone to the good of the flesh and blood relatives.

It's disheartening to see someone as selfish as this.

And then there's my own sad tale. My father's brothers owned lumber in the Pacific Northwest and had business interests and beautiful waterfront homes. As they began to age, they separately liquidated assets and moved to a retirement community. They had always told family members that their wealth would be distributed to their four nephews and nieces. Somehow, they were convinced to donate their assets to the non-profit retirement community. On the death of the first one, the assets went to the community and to the other brother. On the death of the second one, the community got everything. Even the man's tube sox and personal photos. Nothing was left to family. Not the birdseye maple dresser that my own parents had given them as a wedding gift. Not the old set of Dickens books, leather bound. Not the oil paintings that my uncle had painted, himself! Nothing was left to family. That was heartbreaking.

[dysfunctional press]

42. saw one from the sidelines...

my wife's family-

her father awhile back founded a stereo store, and then took his brother as a partner- my f-i-l got tired of retail, and gave his brother the business, keeping a share for himself, and then started another company, this one manufacturing headsets/headphones/systems...meanwhile, over the years brother grows the little stereo store into a regional chain of high-end audio stores. his daughter and younger son work for the business. when my wife's uncle died, the older son moved in, took over the audio store business- and paid himself an extremely high salary to do so...and now it's ALL gone.
however- my wife and her siblings all got nice little trust fund accounts when their uncle died- they ended up 'doing better' than their uncles own daughter and younger son, due to the malfeasance of the older prodigal.

[DainBramaged]

43. My ex's Mom left her house to the douche bag dimwit daughter

Who works in a grey hair beauty salon giving perms to old ladies with pink and blue hair.

In the past 12 years, it's had a tree drop on it, the chimney collapse, and a pipe break while her drunk husband was found on the side of the road on his way to work. Had a 1.6 blood alcohol level. And he is a public works employee.

The best part is he thought homeowners insurance was a waste of money so half the house is covered in giant tarps since the banks won't give him a home equity loan to fix it since the damage is more than the house is worth.

what goes around comes around.

who knew?

Dain Bramaged reporting
over and out

[Midlodemocrat]

44. Yes. My FIL and MIL left *everything* to my SIL.

My husband got zip, nada, nothing. Well, that's not exactly true. We *did* get the bill to bury said FIL in May.

It's all good, though. In the end, it's just money.

[mainegreen]

46. Well, a book detailing the entire family history back to the 1400s was stolen by the lawyer.

He figured since we were overseas, there wasn't much we could do about that one item.

He was right. He also tried to rip me out of my 10k inheritance. Basically he retired right after mis-handling the estate. It took my mom's boyfriend, who was also from same country as lawyer, to threaten to pull the legal strings necessary to cut of this scums entire public inheritance through legal maneuvering before he released the money.

Did I mention I like my mom's boyfriend? He's a good guy.

[BlueIris]

78. Holy crap. That is INSANE.

Yikes. I mean, I've known some bad lawyers in my time, but JESUS.

[hedgehog]

48. Worrying over the inheritance can be the worst of it.

My husband's grandfather re-married after his first wife died. They enjoyed a good ten years, went to Hawaii, etc, before he died. The second wife inherited the bulk of the estate. Now, the grown children, who were retired or approaching retirement, were put out by that and consider the second wife to be a gold digger because she had inherited from her previous husband who was also a widower. Said gold digger was about 80 and legally blind. The estate consisted of the remaining proceeds from the sale of the small family farm to a developer after WWII. Thinking about it, the funds must have grown more in peoples' minds than in reality. The money split the widow off from the family. Too bad, she was a nice lady whenever I encountered her.

[annonymous]

49. My mother and her cousin got into a dispute re: inheritance

My grandmother died and my grandfather allowed my mother's cousin who was an antique dealer to go through my grandmother's possessions. She took a few things my mother wanted: an antique sewing machine and some Hummel figurines. My mother hasn't spoken to her cousin since it happened and that was back in 1979.

[Beausoir]

50. Yep. Never thought it would happen too us, either. Haven't spoken to my sister

for nearly two years. Ever since she went insane over my mother's posessions and took everything, within hours of her death, for "safe-keeping". She completely flipped out, screaming at us, calling us "Mother f**kers", ad nauseum. All this as we're trying to cope with the death of our mom.

Fortunately, my two brothers and I are still very close and talk almost everyday.

Hope that cheap costume jewelry was worth losing her family over. She cant have it and I will take the love of my brothers anyday.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

51. my fathers family splintered and ruined several business interests

trying to split their inheritance

[NashVegas]

52. My Family Doesn't Have Enough Assets to Get Worked Up About

My father (divorced) had no assets at all, save an insurance policy, with a nephew of his listed as the beneficiary. It covered the funeral and had a little left over. A few thousand. My older siblings were pissed, I was too upset about losing him to care all that much.

Later, I received a SS disability check (his application had been denied, and when he later died of the cancer SS didn't think was a big enough deal to grant him disability, they had to cough up the money retroactively) as the only child under the age of 18. It wasn't much, under $1000, and it was going to go towards my college tuition but my older siblings raised hell to get it split 5 ways.

[Missy Vixen]

53. Yes -- I was the executrix of my mother's estate

There was not a lot there, but the feeding frenzy was unbelievable.

It was the beginning of the end for me as far as my family is concerned. I don't see them anymore, and frankly, my life's better as a result.

Julie

[Beausoir]

67. "Feeding frenzy" is perfect. Describes my sister.

She just went bonkers. Wanted EVERYTHING, right down to the salt and pepper shakers.

It's crazy.

And I know what you mean about life being better when you cut out the toxic people.

[bikebloke]

54. Not money, so much...

When my grandmother died, she had a trunk filled with old photos, papers and relics from the family's past. My father took possession of it, adding some of his own photos and relics, including all my own childhood photos. So when he moved to Florida, he made his daughter store it for him. Considering he pumped thousands of dollars into the existence of this sociopathic white trash, he figured she couldn't refuse. I kept telling him later to get the trunk before she destroyed its contents. He'd just growl that she had better not. Well, smoking caught up with him and he died. And the trunk is lost. A shame since I knew who everyone was in the old photos. The scumbag refused to send me anything. What's more it was incensed that there wasn't any money for her upon his death. She took him for every penny while he was alive. And expects everyone to give her money, including the taxpayers of Virginia.

A pity about the historical items, since I became the family historian. Fuck 'em.

[NewWaveChick1981]

55. I didn't think so until about a year ago...

:grr: My grandmother died in 1991, and to avoid just such problems, my mother and my uncle (my grandmother's only two children) decided the fair thing to do would be to let everyone in the family (my mother, my siblings and me, my uncle, and his three children) take turns selecting items from her home (mostly antiques). My mother, being the organized and often anal-retentive person she is, drew up a list and sent it to everyone after the selection took place about two weeks after she passed away. Everyone was in agreement, we all got our stuff, and the matter was settled. Fast-forward to 2005, and my mother gets an email from my uncle stating in very terse terms that he WANTED the chandelier that came out of my grandmother's house. Mom told him that the matter was settled 14 years ago, and she sent him a copy of the Word document which had the list in it. He called her the next day and said the original settlement was unfair (not true) and he demanded the chandelier. Mom had picked the chandelier as one of her choices and never got around to putting it up at her house. When we bought our house, Mom gave it to us, and we had it in storage but were planning to eventually install it in our dining room. Mom let me know that Uncle Ed was being a total asshole about it, and I asked her why he waited 14 years to even think about it. She asked him the same thing, and he had no real explanation for it.

I am 99% sure of what was happening---my cousin Kristy wanted it for her new house, and she got my aunt (her mother) to ask for it. My aunt is a total bitch, and she made my uncle's life hell until he wrested the chandelier out of my mom. That side of the family is very weird anyway, but this was the final straw. My mother wouldn't budge until she and my uncle met face to face about two months after the whole fiasco started. She confronted him, and he confessed that my aunt was the instigator. Mom agreed to hand over the chandelier, but it would cost him $500 (which was CHEAP for that chandelier). It was worth that to put the matter to bed. Mom would never have done this ordinarily, but she wanted the matter settled and done. She made my uncle sign a statement stating that there would be no additional demands after the chandelier was handed over. My uncle grudgingly wrote Mom a check, she handed over the chandelier, and we have talked to that side of the family very little since then.

Damn---the matter was settled in 1991. The statute of limitations was over and done. :grr:

[SoyCat]

56. Yes. Enough trouble that I'm not accepting any inheritance from my mother when the time comes (just

so I don't have to deal with my bitchy sister). It will just be easier that way.

[Patiod]

73. I told my parents it would be 50/50 no matter what the will said

They were on the outs with my brother and insinuating that he was "out of the will". His whitetrash wife was sending out vibest that she thought that I was behind the problems because it would put me in a better position in regards to inheritance. Which is ridiculous, since my brother and my parents have ALWAYS been on the outs.

So I told my parents, my brother, and his wife that if the will left everything to me, I'd split it 50/50 with my brother, so they might as well just split it 50/50 in the will.

It made me feel better, forstalled any potential manipulative behavior and certainly shut up my obnoxious grasping SIL. My brother is like me - he didn't care one way or the other.

Of course, knowing my mother, it will probably all go to the Church. Which is fine with me - it's their stuff.

SoyCat has the right approach: it's just not worth it!

[SoyCat]

80. I'm sorry you have to deal with the same kind of family b.s. You sound very fair and it will serve

you well.

[Deep13]

57. Father died intestate.

Left his 28 acre Christmas tree farm to his wife (survivorship deed). All my sister an I got was some items of furniture and some personal effects. If she dies intestate, it will go to her two good-for-nothing sons. We had no legal basis to challenge it.

[MonkeyFunk]

59. In the four million year history

of my family, I don't think anybody's inherited anything. We're not big go-getters.

[ceile]

60. Yep.

Haven't really seen or spoken to my aunt and uncle (used to be super close to them), since my oma died in 1997. All because of money and my aunt taking things from my grandparent's house that were supposed to be for my sis and me. I just don't understand how people become so greedy at a time when families are supposed to be the most supportive.

[idgiehkt]

64. me either

just reading this stuff makes me so grateful that I hate most objects in general and don't want a damn thing when anyone dies. I want that sonofabitching cedar chest, and maybe the cast iron sundial my granny gave me when she died, and that's it. I DON'T want to be around when my parents die. Their house is full to the freaking gills with all kinds of knickknacks and collectible stuff and I want to be on another continent until all the relatives swoop in and clean this place out. The attic is packed from one end to the other as well.

[grasswire]

68. there are plenty of people who would give an arm and a leg...

...to help a family sort out a house that's packed with doo-dads and stuff. I know I would, as a dealer in antique and collectible paper items. We dealers dream of unpicked estates. So maybe your family oughta hire a professional when that day comes, to put a value on everything and put some order into the divvying up.

[idgiehkt]

97. they might oughta

I don't care, and I don't want to be anywhere in the vicinity when it happens. I'm actually the only child in the family that is versed legally in wills and estates because of paralegal courses I took but I have a snowball's chance in hell of being named executor; that honor will go to my sister, who will completely f*ck everything up legally and in every other way and have everyone ready to kill each other before it's over with. I want the animals, which no one will claim, and that's it. I'd just as soon we have a pack of wascally relatives swoop in and steal it all. Most of it is worth nothing anyway, just sentimental value to those who have sentiment for that sort of thing.

[hunter]

61. No.

My grandfather got himself a girlfriend a few years after my grandma died, and she took some stuff my grandma had promised my sister, but that's just about it. No fights about money or property.

My brother's first wife, however, came from a family of, oh, I don't know what sort of animal to call them. Sharks? A minute after their mom died, half of them raced out of the hospital to her house and stripped it bare, and they got into a huge brawl doing it. Later in the day, when my brother got around to the house, he was stunned, he couldn't believe it. There was actually stuff all over the floor that had been broken or discarded in all the fighting.

I hate to speak ill of anyone who comes from such a dysfunctional family, but I think my brother's ex was mad at him for holding her back from the feeding frenzy. That was just one of the problems that caused their divorce.

In my family, and my wife's family, there is always a great reluctance to start the process of sorting things out. It's almost as if whoever touches it first has to carry the greatest burden.

[wildhorses]

66. yep--i am related to vultures

and buzzards

[Blue Diadem]

70. yes, with DH's family. Three tried to take all, Will said to split it 6 ways

It began with one attempting to take over financial control from the oldest son while Fil was still alive and shortly before Mil passed away. She was arguing about it the day she died. He convinced Fil that the oldest was stealing and even though a thorough investigation took place in which the oldest was completely cleared, Fil in his fragile mind set still believed the money hungry one and turned over his money to him to handle. That's when money went missing, records were poorly kept, sentimental items disappeared etc. Eventually, Fil took away money control from him and gave it to yet another brother who also had unexplained disappearances of money from Fil's accounts. I might add..the money hungry one takes frequent trips to vegas and had completely gone through his wife's sizable inheritance. The last one to handle it, suddenly appeared with a new very large boat.

Once Fil passed, things got really ugly. Turns out the last two brothers to handle the money and the lone sister had talked FIL into putting their names on his accounts as co-owners. They claimed my DH, another brother and the oldest were left with nothing. Eventually everything left in the accounts was split equally.

[ComerPerro]

71. nothing to inherit in my family, really

[LisaM]

72. Not in my family, but....

My boyfriend took care of his grandmother for the last five years of her life, living with her, taking her to church, doctor's appointments, hospitals, etc., buying all her groceries, you name it. When she died, he got nothing. One other sister along the way got a down payment for a house. The estate was split between my boyfriend's father and her sister, who lived in Germany. She said terrible things about our living in the house (I helped take care of the grandmother too, making her meals and doing all her laundry for the last year, cleaning her room, etc.) and her son threatened to put my boyfriend's father in jail if he didn't release $100,000 to him right away (he wanted cash to buy property that he eventually sold at a loss).

The whole thing was very annoying, particularly as, now that my boyfriend's own parents have gone through home care, we know what it costs. If the grandmother had had to move into assisted living, she would have lost the house anyway, not to mention many, many other assets that were preserved since there was no outlay for care. I personally think he should have received the house, though even a token amount of money would have been nice. Not a letter stating that our living in that house was "like throwing stocks and bonds down the toilet!"

The only bright side is that after they forced us out of the house and sold it (getting terrible realtors recommended by the sister who got a down payment for her house), it's skyrocketed in value. The first buyer flipped it, and it's not worth at least 3.5 times what they sold it for. I feel sad every time I go by the old place though, because I truly loved the house.

[Patiod]

74. grandmother was truly evil

Told my mother she left each of her granddaughters a diamond from a large ring. "What about Patiod," asked my mom. "Oh, she's adopted," said my grandmother. "I mean my REAL granddaughters."

She would use her money to manipulate her family, but my dad didn't fall for it. She sent him unsolicited money over the years, which he deposited in an account. One day, she turned on him, and asked for it back, so it could be divided among his sisters, who "really cared about her". A few days later, he sent her the passbook to the account, where the money had sat all those years, untouched.

One time when she was in her 90's, we got a phone call from a nun she had befriended, saying she couldn't imagine how a family could allow someone this old and frail to fend for herself. A few months later, the nun called to apologize, saying she now realized how nasty a person my grandmother was, and why no one wanted to deal with her.

Old bat died at 100, and my dad used to joke that she was so long-lived because neither God nor Satan wanted to deal with her in the afterlife. Our family has HOURS of stories about her - a real sociopath.

edit: Her tombstone was kind of cool, though: 1899-2000. Imagine spanning three different centuries!

[AzDar]

99. OT, but I HAVE to post this...my paternal Grandma (also born in 1899!!)

was MEAN. She had 13 children, and of those 13, my late father was her favorite.
The old Sea Hag always made it perfectly clear that she preferred her male children to her female...I mean she was VOCAL about it; so much so, that many of her daughters and granddaughters steered clear of her.
Anyhoo, out of those 13 offspring, my Pops was the only one to have 2 girls (my sister, also evil..but that's a whole 'nother story)and myself..NO BOYS.
Really stuck in the old woman's craw, too.
After my parents divorced, Dad would take us to visit her in Tennessee, and during one such visit,after spying me in my cheerleading uniform, opined loudly: "Lord, I wish you'ns had been born boys."
My sister and I just sort of blew it off, but upon returning home, we told my Mom what she'd said, and that was the last we had to see of her for awhile.
She died in 1990, and the last time I saw her, in 1989, she cackled that my mother (whom she never forgave for divorcing her beloved son) had "grown fat as a PIG" (not at all true).
Maybe 1899 was a bad year...:rofl:

[LoZoccolo]

75. My (suspected) borderline mother might give me trouble someday.

My father was verbally abusive to his whole family, and eventually my mother divorced him. She (rightfully) was entitled to half their stuff, which included a stake in his business (big) and money he saved (big) and all that.

Somewhere along the line he said that or she thought that he wouldn't pay for me and my brother's college tuitions and therefore she settled the divorce with only the tuition as the settlement. This made no sense because she could have taken the money she would have got, paid for the tuition, and almost certainly would have had at least ten times left over if not twenty. She can be very emotional at times, and very manipulative at others (and act very emotional in an effort to be manipulative at still others), so I don't think I'll ever be sure if she did this because she irrationally freaked out, or to hold it over her kids' heads the rest of our lives (which she does every time I express concern about her money problems, which cause her to borrow money from people and not pay it back for much longer than she promised - but don't talk to her about the problems that led to that because she'll throw a crying fit).

Anyways, I have a feeling she's going to throw massive fits or try to make me feel guilty that I'm going to get a bunch of his stuff that she turned down of her own volition, and hold the tuition thing over my head. She will probably use the reason that she was abused as well as I was (she uses that as an excuse for everything but refuses to go to therapy, which she could have paid for with her insurance) as a reason that she's entitled to it.

[Kali]

76. Not yet, but I'm sure as hell expecting it.

[Zookeeper]

77. When my great-grandmother died....

she had two children living within walking distance of her very old homestead. Her son, who had some still unknown grudge against his sister, refused to let his sister go into her mother's home to take any mementos. The house had a wonderful treadle sewing machine that I remember playing with as a small child. There were family photos from the 1800's, beautiful hand-made quilts, etc. I think that his family may have taken out the portrait of my great-grandfather, but from what I've heard, the rest was left in the house, which was eventually broken into and stripped of antiques.

Then he knocked the house down, and the house next door, and added the property to his.

[Xithras]

79. I absolutely will be when my dad dies.

He made it clear that the family ranch on the Oregon coast is to STAY in the family when he dies. My three sisters made a HUGE mistake and tried to get him to accept that they didn't want the property and that it would be sold off. I love the ranch and would never consider selling it, so my dad rewrote his will to leave it to me alone (worth a couple million dollars today...it's just outside Newport..., and about 80% of his total estate). My sisters were livid when they found this out, and one made it very clear that she would be suing to get the property sold or subdivided equally, so that they could sell their parts. They don't know it yet, but my dad and I cut that one off too by taking out a conservation easement on the property. Not only will the easement save me tens of thousands in estate taxes, but it makes it worthless for subdividing. The conservation agreement specifically prohibits real-estate development outside of the original homesite, subdividing the land, or any non-logging activities which negatively impact the relatively pristine property.

Not telling them about the easement is tough, but my dad doesn't want it mentioned. My sisters plan on using the funds to pay off their mortgages, put their kids through college, and take long vacations, and I can only imagine what's going to happen when the truth is revealed to them.

[LoZoccolo]

81. I don't know anything about inheritance laws...

...but it's curious to me how they think that they could sue. Are there laws in your state that override peoples' wills? I'd be ticked off if I wanted something distributed a certain way and they wouldn't let me!

[freethought]

84. If someone has left and estate with a clear will and properly filed

with the proper authorities and all legal items properly dealt with by an attorney, it is extremely hard to break a will. Usually, wills and estates are handled in the state probate court system. Usually, after the person has passed away and the proper authorities have been informed and paperwork submitted to the correct offices, a waiting period starts. This waiting period allow anyone to make a claim against the estate or contest the word of the will.
For my late father's estate it was 90 days after probate court filings. The announcement of an estate being held in this waiting period is usually published in local newspapers. Anybody with a gripe about the way the estate is to be distributed can file a contest or claim with in the allotted time. If they miss the deadline they are out of luck. After that the personal rep or "executor" can do what the will instructs or what ever his discretion dictates.
Such details vary from state to state.

If someone dies without a proper will, that can open the door to all sorts of lengthy and expensive legal proceedings. In such a case, the courts are given the duty as to what is done with or who gets legal control over the estate and its assets. It can be an ugly situation for the family and for the courts.

A WORD OF ADVICE TO ALL. If you of a certain age, even not close to retirement, it is imperative that one has a properly drafted and legally recognized will. Also, be aware one may update the will a number of times over the years before a final version is settled on. This may a daunting affair since it puts you kind of face to face with mortality but sooooo many problems will be avoided with one.

[Xithras]

87. Actually, they could sue.

If they can prove alienation, they may have grounds for a suit. Basically, they'd have to prove that I manipulated my dad into excluding them, and that without my alienating influence they wouldn't have been excluded. It's a tactic frequently used in conflicts with step-parents, and apparently it does sometimes work.

I'm not all that worried about it. They'll scream bloody murder, but I'm fairly sure they'll quit fighting when they find out about the easement. The high value of the property was based on it's subdivided value. Now that it can't be split up, it's value has dropped WAY down.

[LoZoccolo]

88. Wow, there's all this law that I never thought existed.

I wonder if I could sue a boyfriend of a girl I have a crush on for "alienating" me from her.

[freethought]

95. Good point. I could definitely see how that legal tactic may work

It was probably that same idea my older brother was thinking about before my father's estate was going to be distributed. He could try to prove that me or my older sisters were whispering in my Dad's ear about who gets what.
I am also willing to bet that after thinking about if further he realized it wouldn't''t work. It would be his word against three siblings. We could also testify to bro's behavior the last many years.
One thing I can say is that there were no complaints about the way I did things after my father's passing.

[fudge stripe cookays]

90. Good for you.

At the risk of sounding like a smut lover, ever read "Dazzle" by Judith Krantz? It has that same storyline. The youngest daughter loves her father's ranch in California and the two older sisters want to divide it up and sell to developers. So it gets ugly.

Good luck in dealing withh the family!

[Kali]

101. ouch

will they get some life ins or anything? I figure I am going to have to buy my sibs out.

[freethought]

82. Yes, with my father's estate

My father passed about 20 months ago. He had a set will and clear instructions as to what he wanted done. I was appointed his personal rep. My brother-in-law had his pick of all of my father's hand and power tools ( he was a carpenter and handyman, worked construction most of his adult life). As far as any liquid assets and fixed assets
his instructions were crystal clear, I had full discretion as to how the assets would be divided. One person was left out, and it was NO ACCIDENT either. My father stated in his will that my older brother was to get zero, mainly due to his highly irresponsible behavior over the years. This did not go down well with him or his skank girlfriend ( I apologize to any female who is offended by the term, but that is the best word to describe this woman). He threatened to contest the will, but never did. He called me and my two sisters, one right after the other and told us he never wanted to speak to us again and hung up.

On the day we told him via the phone that my father had passed, he proceeded to get trashed on alcohol, assaulted a woman (don't know how bad) and tried to assault two New Jersey cops who proceeded to roughly arrest him. He was thrown into county jail pending a hearing. Before his arrest he called me up repeatedly complaining that someone wasn't paying him for work he had done. I tried to tell him multiple times that I didn't give a damned about who paid or didn't pay him what and that we would pay for his transportation from New Jersey to Portland, ME. Nearly all of his talking on the phone was about "these f_____g yankee carpetbaggers" I don't get them". It was strange to hear him say that since he was New England born and raised. He had been living in eastern Texas and Louisiana since the late 1970s. Another complaint was that "these damned yankees" don't fight with their fists. "Instead of taking it like men they threaten you with a lawsuit and their damned lawyers".

The estate was divided up 3 into three even pieces for me and two sisters. There is still on small piece left to be settled but it is only worth a few thousand. One sister used her share to put a nice big down payment on a first home. The other is going to use some of it for travel and fun but will invest the rest. I am using some of it for fun and travel but it will also pay for the rest of my school tuition and fees and I will invest the rest.
I have not heard anything from my brother nor do I expect to.

[Generic Brad]

83. Vivid Bad Times

I inherited a small sum of money from my grandmother back when my wife and I were starting out (and extremely poor). My mother badgered my wife daily for two years about the money. She couldn't believe her mother-in-law had passed her over in favor of us. She kept harping on about how she deserved the money more than us, how she had a longer relationship with my grandmother than I did, and that the woman must not have been in her right mind when she made out her will because she never would have given us anything if she really knew us.

My siblings eluded these demands, because they are deserving of good things, according to my mother (they attend church regularly). My wife and I do not go to church, so therefore, we were told repeatedly that we were crappy people who really don't deserve good fortune.

We folded after two years of this crap just to get her to shut up and leave us alone. Peace of mind is way more important than money.

[u4ic]

85. Not yet

but all hell will break loose when my father dies. Not that there is much to fight over, but a few in the family are circling around like vultures already...(I'm not one of them, btw)

[mohinoaklawnillinois]

86. Yeah, Mr. Wonderful was done out of the family farm in Ireland.

Long story, but his youngest sister managed to get his mother to change her will so that the farm went to her son.

It's too disgusting of a story to post here, but suffice it to say that her son would've gotten the "ground" no matter what. Patrick is Mr. Wonderful's godson and long before his sister engineered the will change in 1998, Mr. Wonderful had made up his mind that Patrick would get the place anyway.

But his youngest sister, in her greedy little heart, made sure that her older brother never got the chance to make that decision.

I will never forget the look on my Mr. Wonderful's face when we were in the solicitor's office in Newry, Co. Down, Northern Ireland in February 1999 after his mother's death. He was devastated that his mother had done this to him.

However, Mr. Wonderful has a great attitude about this whole debacle. He said to me that night in February 1999, there is no use squabbling over ground, money, furniture etc.

"If this what she wanted, I'm not going to lower myself to argue about it. After all, what does it really matter. I've seen families fighting about ground and the rest of that fucking bullshit my entire life and it's brought them nothing but grief. We have each other, we love each other and that is all that really matters."

Truer words....

[shanine]

91. Just a little financial exploitation

of elderly mother two weeks after death of her husband of 50 years. Sister and now ex bil did a bang up job having her sign house over to them without telling my brother or myself. When mother "woke up" and asked nicely for a change in situation, sister went nuts, took grandchildren away. Very sad. It's been 3 years now since sister has disowned all of us. Never thought something like this could happen in MY family.

[hedgehog]

92. My grandmother watched over an elderly neighbor, driving her

to doctor's appointments, shopping, etc. When the lady died, her daughter, a nun, was very grateful to my grandmother and asked her to come over to the house after the funeral so my grandmother could pick out a memento. It turned out that while the funeral was going on, a cousin had cleaned the place out because of course a nun wouldn't need anything!

[YellowRubberDuckie]

93. When Skip's grandfather died, it was a mess.

His aunt is a greedy woman who is married to a man who inherited a couple million from his mother's estate, and they're the kind of people who want everyone to think they're just so wonderful and connected. So, Nanny is distraught, and said aunt is only worried about probate and all the money that they have saved over the years (Granddad was very tight with money). Anyway, she's so worried Nanny is going to spend any of the money they saved and earned over the years, she is bossing her around telling her she can't buy things here or there. Nanny wants to move into town, and when she goes into look at houses, aunt always finds something wrong with it, mainly because she's worried she's going to spend a dime. And nanny wants to get new furniture when she moves into town. Aunt freaked, and suggested they go look at Big Lots for furniture. Well, Skip's mom, luckily is encouraging Nanny to spend every dime because they don't want a penny, and they want her to enjoy her last years as much as possible. Nanny has made out a will, put Mom on her checking account, the deed to the property outside of town. Let's just say the Aunt is livid. Nanny did this because she knows Mom has no agenda and will do exactly what Nanny wants her to do with her estate. Aunt would pillage it and give Mom not half, but more like a 1/4, giving the other 1/4 to her daughter, who is just as lousy with pretension as Aunt. So, needless to say, it's going to be NASTY when Nanny dies.

When my mother dies, it's probably going to be nasty with my half brothers, because my mom is taking her time setting up a will, which is pissing me off to no end. I work for a mortgage company and I see how hard it is for families who never had a will. The mortgage company can't discuss anything with them, and it's hard as hell to get anything from them. It scares the crap out of me. And my mother thinks she's never going to die, which also pisses me off, and she thought the same thing about my father, who died in 1996. I don't expect anything from her, but I don't want her vulture of a sister coming in and trying to take over, and i don't want my half brothers coming in looking to get something like they did when my dad died. It's a nightmare, and my mother just isn't worried about me at all. It's not like she has a lot, but I'm terrified.
Duckie

[Skittles]

94. no, nonewhatsoever

for my brother's sizeable estate, the lawyer remarked he had never seen a family behave so civily and with compassion. "I'll take this - oh, you want it, no you take it, no you....no you take it." - that was the gist of the few "arguments".

[bettyellen]

96. when my sisters died, my cousins came in and took all the clothes, jewlery

record albums they wanted. right in front of my eyes.
when my grandpa died a few years later, their mom rented a U-Haul, actually claimed everything because she "was there first".
during my dad's wake my other aunt (the nice one) gave me a hand embroidered tablecloth my grandma worked on. she gave it to me precisely because she knew her little sister had taken every other fucking thing of value from the family. i had it in my hands five minutes before my aunt snatched it up to "wash and store it for me" we argued for like five minutes, i didn't want her to take it (it WAS clean!!- i had a place to store it!!) ... but it was in the middle of my dad's wake. so of course i had to give in. 19 years, and god knows i never got that back.
what a bunch of miserable assholes. i don't speak to them at all anymore.

[idgiehkt]

100. this is when you call the police

I don't know why more people just don't call the cops in cases like this.

[bettyellen]

102. cops in the middle of my fathers wake? i think my mom was upset enough...

as was I.
People don;t call the police because they don't want big family riffs. Me? No tablecloth or any other item is worth spending any time having to see that crazy bitch ever again over.

[idgiehkt]

103. I understand that.

I guess it does depend on the value of the item to you, but what these folks are doing is illegal. When my grandmother passed recently luckily everything went smoothly as far as what was taken...there was not much of value and my granny started giving her most valuable possessions away to the people she wanted to have them about 5 years before her death, so by the time she did pass there was very little of value left. It was a very wise thing that she did and if it looks like I might actually die of old age one day if I have anything valuable I might just do that. Also, my grandmother put a caveat in her will that if anyone contests the will...something like no one will get their share, or that person won't get their share or something...enough to make everyone pretty much behave, at least among immediate family.

[bettyellen]

104. so did my aunt. she is one slick piece of work.

when she grabbed the furniture no one knew for weeks after. it was done and over with before anyone could say boo.
i guess we could have sued her, but she's a lying nutcase, we'd probably get screwed trying.
i'll have her taken out if she interferes with my mom's health again. otherwise, i wouldn't bother to spit on her (although the impulse is certainly there)

[idgiehkt]

105. bless your heart

I think my granny knew that the stuff that goes on after a person dies is what can really leave scars that can break a family up for good, that is why she took such care to make sure that didn't happen among her children after her death. I cared for her for the last three years of her life and it was a really good thing that she had given so much away as she lost her mental reasoning facilities and much of her memory in the last year. I so dread my parents' passing because I know that my sister being the drama queen she is it is going to be absolute hell on earth. I prefer to be in another country, or even better, on another planet, when that happens.

[bettyellen]

106. well when you stack the possesions against your parents health or happiness...

if you're a good egg, the objects are not your priority.
my aunt tried hard to turn everyone in my family against me. including my mom. this while my mom is suffering from alzheimers, she tried to confuse her. pretty f'ing low, huh?
they were pretty shocked i had the chops to cut her out of my life. and upset that she's bothering them now instead of me.

[idgiehkt]

107. I have an unnatural aversion to most objects

And my parents are knick-knack fanatics. It's like hell on earth to me, the thought of having to deal with all of it.

My sis and I may part ways for ever and all after they are gone. I would kick anyone's arse who tried to mess with my relatives if they were mentally deficient/disabled. Maybe if your relatives had as much of a spine as you do the woman would not have gotten away with what she did.

on edit: I have to say I don't understand this crap about not 'making a scene' or making waves, when someone is out of line. In the last year of my grandmother's life I fought the peole across the street tooth and nail because they were trying to use a ten-foot right of way she owned as their driveway. I fought them all the way to the foot of the courthouse steps, and I f*cking won, by God, because I knew that she would have fought them herself had she the ability to get out of bed. I fought their non-english speaking construction crew, their drunk-ass contracters, the home-owner's spoiled b*tch daughter, her perpetually stoned, smart-ass husband, and even the guy they had come down and mark the road from the city of x-ville zoning dept. I had him so shook up he was visibly shaking at the end of our conversation. They finally gave in and built a driveway on their property, which cost them thousands because they had to build it on a very steep incline; the had humongous rocks delivered from a foundary to hold it up. And the whole time, my aunt, her daughter, was telling me to just let them have the land. But I know my grandmother would have never given into them, so I wasn't going to either.

[Giant Robot]

98. This doesn't necessarily apply to the OP

But its close enough I think. And besides its that time of year I miss my sainted father the most so I have more to work through now and this may be nice.

When my father died a few years back, it was very traumatic for me. My brother and sister-in-law came back to our city for his final days and stayed until the funeral to help arrange that part of it. When dad died, it was known that he left a letter that was supposed to provide us some direction as to what to do with his remains/estate. I use estate very loosely because unless you count the Playboy collection, he died with enough money to cover half the funeral expenses. So really there was nothing in my mind to fight over. He wrote this letter to us, saying how he wanted things divided up, giving more to me, as he and my brother had strained relations at best. I really could have given a fuck about that. I didn't want his things. I wanted my dad back. My sister-in-law went on this rampage about that and made sure she got a copy of that for her attorney in case she needed it. Which made me think WTF? First of all it is most likely not a legal binding document since he did not even sign it, and most important, there was nothing to fight over! Nothing! I was angry and confused by how petty and greedy she acted during the whole situation. Well, I still feel that way. Nothing has evey come of it, mainly I think because there was nothing to fight over. I worry about when my mother dies, as she has a little more wealth to her name, not a lot more, but some. I worry things will get ugly and I feel like my relations with my brother and sister-in-law are still wounded from then.