Presents you won't be getting for Christmas

[LeftyMom]

What made me think of this is those stupid commercials where somebody gets a Lexus with a big bow on it for Christmas.

Things I know I'm not getting for Christmas:

A car
A fur coat
A ring/necklace/bracelet/other useless bit of gold and overpriced carbon (if I ever buy into the commercial crap about how this stuff means love, please take me to the ER, I have suffered a head injury)
Membership in the Fruit of the Month Club
A PS3/Wii/360
Fancy dinner
A donation made in my name to Heifer International
Elmo
Clothes that fit
Canned Ham, box of Omaha steaks, Hickory Farms sausage or other gift of meat

[ThomCat]

1. No clothes that fit?

:(

That's a shame. I love shopping for clothes with/for people.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. a pretty sapphire

even though i really want one

[BarenakedLady]

3. I won't be getting

A car (either)
A fur or leather coat (either)
Jewelry (either) The only person who insisted on buying my jewelry even though I don't wear it was my MIL and she passed away so I should be safe from unwanted bling.
Meat product (either)
Comedy CD featuring any of the "redneck" comedians (I forget what they call themselves)
A Ted Nugent cd
Any right wing book
A chimpanzee (though I'd love one)
Clothes that I like or fit (I don't think I'll be getting clothes this year - no one knows my size anymore)
A blow up male doll (though I need one)
Peace and quiet
A life

[MonkeyFunk]

4. oooh

I always get a big pack of Omaha steaks from my brother.

But I won't be getting a car, either.

and I wouldn't mind an Elmo.

[LaraMN]

5. The jewelry commercials make we want to. puke.

I am not getting a D.R. Field Trimmer Mower. Again.
I am also not getting:
- a mini kangaroo.
- a juggling set.
- numchucks.
- a pirate blouse.
- a guinea pig.
- some rare stamps.

[skygazer]

6. I will not be getting

A car (I wonder if people really do...)
A chain saw (even though I want one)
A day off (which kinda sucks but I need the money)
The Complete Monty Python DVD Collection (though I hope to see it on my birthday)
George Clooney (more's the pity)
Laid (well, maybe...)

[trogdor]

7. Strong Bad agrees.

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail163.html

[Zavulon]

8. Any present I actually want.

My girlfriend will, again, buy me clothes I hate because she wants to see me dress like a goober and eliminate the chance that any other girl could look at me without laughing. She'll also get be another bottle of cologne even though I hate wearing the stuff. Her mother will get me "obligatory" gifts, the stuff you buy for someone when you've got to get something but you don't like the person, so I'll get a scarf (I never wear scarves), a calendar and a some sort of "subtle hint" gift (as an example, last year I was late for Thanksgiving because I got into a fender bender, and the bitch gets me an alarm clock for Christmas).

I don't need or want a Rolex or a car. Cheap stuff like a subscription to a sports magazine or a $10 DVD of a movie I like would make me happy, but I'll get boring stuff or stuff I hate. I'm actually toying with the idea of faking illness to avoid all of this crap this year. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize that the present that would mean the most to me is just being able to be alone on that day and watch ESPN.