DU Chumps and Chumpettes: I need your advice

[catbert836]

OK, first of all, let me explain that I am a teenage male, and this post concerns the intrigues of teenage romance, so those of you with no stomach for whining or melodrama might want to hit the "back" button immidaitely.

Now that that's out of the way, here's my dilemma:

Homecoming for my school was at the end of October, and I finally got up the courage a week or two before to ask a girl to the celebration who I'd had my eye on for some time. She said yes, and Homecoming that year was the best ever. I'll spare you the details.

Fast forward a couple of weeks: Her birthday was in the middle of November, and I got her a present, something I don't normally do for anyone unless I'm invited to their party. She said that it was "very sweet" of me, and yada yada yada. My birthday was ten days later, so she got me one too. I remarked in passing that we should do something as a joint birthday celebration, which she had no objections to.

Durng the previous, I had 4 classes with her, the equivalent of 3 hours each day. After the trimester changed, her schedule got screwed up for some reason, and now I only see her for two classes, every other day. So I've used this an a reason to justify why I haven't asked her out again.

Until today. I had sent her an email to the effect that I still wanted to do something, but I never recieved any indication that it was recieved. Today, I saw her working in the library during lunch, and asked her if she still wanted to do something together, and said that I was open for whenever she wanted to do it, whether it was this weekend or sometime over the break. She just looked up at me, said she had recieved my email, but hadn't had time to respond to it or do anything else, and she couldn't do anything this weekend because of all the assignments she had due before Christmas, which I can certainly appreciate. Then she asked me to help her with a math problem she was working on. Rather flustered, I helped her out as best I could and went down to eat lunch.

Now I have no clue what, if anything, I should do about this. As the smartest group of people I've encountered on the internets, I was hoping you all might have a few wise words of wisdom. Thank you in advance.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

1. I wish I knew, but I'm a fool about love, having no first-hand experience.

Besides, taking advice from another teenager would be like...well, I dunno what it'd be like. :P But still.

:hi:

[Kutjara]

2. Look at it from her perspective.

You got along very well at the dance, then you exchanged gifts and talked about getting together again. She probably thought things were going well and expected you to ask her out again. When you didn't, she probably thought that you'd either changed your mind or weren't as interested as she'd thought in the first place.

Then, after leaving her hanging for (if I'm reading between the lines correctly) several weeks, you send her an email as if nothing happened.

Imagine how you'd feel if things were reversed. Would you think maybe she'd found someone else and had been seeing them, but, when that didn't work out, she came back to you as a fallback? Would you think she was a bit flakey an doesn't know her own mind? Would you think she was pretty lukewarm on you and only wanted to 'do something' when there was nothing else to do?

I'm not suggesting that these are the actual thoughts running through her head, but I'm pretty sure they're the right flavor.

If you're really keen on her, a bit of groveling might be in order. Groveling with flowers is even better.

[catbert836]

3. Mostly on target

However, I sent her that email over Thanksgiving Break, making it around my birthday. Probably you're still right though.

[Kutjara]

5. Women and men have different tolerances for communication.

Guys can go for what seems to women a ridiculously long time without communication, then pick up as if nothing is wrong. A woman can not hear from someone for a day and think the world has ended (this is an exaggeration, of course, for the purposes of illustration).

I remember with visceral shame a highschool girlfriend I didn't contact for the entire summer, then was shocked to discover in September wasn't my girlfriend anymore. Who knew?

[idgiehkt]

6. wow.

thanks for that. I thought it was just me...but that is so true. I never knew men were differnt this way (sigh of relief). I honestly kind of thought they had a list of females they like and if you don't hear much from them it's because you are at the bottom of the list. Interesting to ponder that they might like you a lot and you still might not hear much from them... hmmm.

[Kutjara]

7. Often it's the opposite.

For many men it's much easier to communicate with a woman to whom the man isn't attracted, because the enormous overhead of "attraction pressure" isn't weighing on their brains and tongues. When they are strongly attracted to a woman, however, a small, moronic homunculus takes over and turns the man into a jibbering fool. Many men have learned that the best way to avoid saying something stupid is to say nothing.

Of course, these men fail to realize that the end result is the same.

[crim son]

4. Kutjara has it right.

There is always the possibility that her initial interest has declined, but I'd still make one more friendly attempt just to let her know you're serious. If she doesn't respond favorably, then you should back off.

[JVS]

8. Only a strip-o-gram can heal the wounds!