So, I told "Das ex" about a mild adventure I had in a bar

[HEyHEY]

That involved me playing tonsil hockey with some random girl. The only reason I said anything was because she asked. (Anyone familiar with this saga knows we DO plan to get back together one day.) She made some comment about me not having tried to go with other girls...blah, blah, blah. And I said, "That's not true." She asked if I went on a date and I said, "not exactly." And she wanted to know, so I told her. I hope it didn't hurt her. She says she isn't bothered by it too much, and I hope that's the truth.
But then, last night, she did two things that she's never done before.... acted jealous.
First, in the car, when I was telling her what I did the night before, she asked, "Did you make out with anyone."
And earlier I made a crack about my new room-mate liking anything male. And she said, "Do you think she likes you?"
But niether was in jest...
Did I make a mistake in telling her that story even though she asked?

[Blue-Jay]

1. If you play your cards right...

maybe you can work it into a three-way!

I don't need pictures or anything, but I'd like to get credit for the idea if it works out.


(Dear people who are NOT HEyHEY: He understands that I'm making a joke even if you don't, so kindly piss off if you're about to say something nasty. I hate the fact that I even need to make this disclaimer.)

[HEyHEY]

2. I know the new roomie would maybe do it

[Blue-Jay]

3. Yeah? Is he cute?

Will you touch balls?

[HEyHEY]

4. She

No, I won't touch balls... well, MINE

[BlueIris]

5. No.

Because you didn't allow her to continue her ridiculous fantasy of wanting to be-with-you-but-not-be-with-you while she postpones the therapy she needs (despite saying she would work on her fears) and you pine lovingly for her while abstaining from sex. She was testing you to see if you would at least pretend to satisfy that whole "he'll wait for me forever" dream which, well, some people would, I guess, but you made it clear that you're not interested in pretending you can do any such thing. Why she would feel the need to pick at you about your arrangement after telling you she was fine with you seeing other people is--obvious. And silly. And you don't care and aren't even reading this. I will just note for the last time that while it's great that you care about her...um...she has ISSUES.

[HEyHEY]

6. Course I'm reading it

I alway stake your advice quite seriously, actually.

[BlueIris]

9. Also, for the record, I don't think she's a bad person or anything,

we all have some issues. Good luck, anyway.

[FedUpWithIt All]

7. Agreed, about the issues.

I have been reading the OP's threads for a while.

"I want you when i want you but only on my terms. My rules and your rules are made up by me alone, to be changed on my whims." It is a "game" a lot of people play, but not many get away with.

If the OP is willing to play along...who are we to judge. :shrug:

I was once on the receiving end of a similar situation. It ended when it became painfully clear to me that severe damage was being done to my self esteem. I learned the hard way that it was much more difficult to repair the damage than it would have been to cut ties and prevent it happening in the first place.

If he had loved me like he claimed he would have respected and valued me in return. Sadly, once it was clear i was moving on, he pulled out all the stops. All the right things were said until i resumed my focus on him. Once i was safely back in a place he felt comfortable with he again withdrew, leaving me lonely and confused while he went about living his life. Eventually, i became tired of being like a toy in the closet he pulled out when he was bored.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

10. Yep I know exactly what you mean ...

because I wrote a song about it.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

18. Agreed 100%

This is not to say she doesn't have issues - only that she will hide behind them for as long as you allow her to.

[elehhhhna]

13. Blue, you are a wise one.

[Evoman]

8. Dump her, go pick up the bar girl, and have a threesome with

the bar girl and roomie. Send the tape (you did get a tape, right) to Das Ex the next day.

Thats my advice. And, since I've been following your drama, I think its the best advice you've gotten since this whole thing started. Feel free to ignore me and my great advice, however.

[Bum Whisperer]

11. I haven't been following this...

...but in order to dump her she has to be propositioned for the threesome with the bar chick, ala Seinfeld.

[GirlinContempt]

12. sigh

[Avalux]

14. My opinion of your situation.

I've read your posts about your ex before and haven't felt compelled to reply until now. Why are you allowing this woman to control you? That's what she's doing. I understand completely that you love her and want to be with her, but it seems to me that she's very selfish - she can't quite let you go but doesn't want to be with you either. You seem to be a good guy and I know there are other women out there who would treat you better than this one. Relationships where one person gives and the other one takes aren't good relationships and aren' worth it. Are you happy like this?

Go out, play tonsil hockey and whatever else all you want - your ex has no right to expect you to be committed to her when she is not. Hopefully you'll figure out there ARE other women worth being with, and you can tell this one goodbye.

I hope you don't think I'm being harsh; I just don't like to see people get hurt, especially people who are as kind-hearted as you are. :hug:

[kwassa]

15. the expression to describe this is "go away a little closer"

[HEyHEY]

16. I have to admit

Lately I've been kinda thinking in the sense of if I even want to be with her. I'm kinda worried this may be an addiction more than anything.

[GirlinContempt]

19. I agree

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

17. Hell no.

This jealousy will do only one thing - push her more quickly towards what she was predisposed to do anyway. She will either A) hurry and get the therapy she needs because maybe now she thinks she might lose you and, if she's smart, she wouldn't want to do that or B) she will wallow in her own issues and continue to indefinitely and infinitely postpone getting therapy.

Either way, you need to make it clear that you're not sitting around for eternity, and this is a good step towards that.

[UTUSN]

20. You don't really want to go back or be with her, imho n/t