Twas the Blog Before Christmas -- Let others finish this

[Paranoid Pessimist]

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
No one was web surfing with an optical mouse
The websites were bookmarked into Favorites with care
In hopes that next log-on they still would be there

The children were lying all snug in their beds
Thoughts of blocked websites alive in their heads
With Ma in her kerchief and I in warm fleece
I set myself down to burn new DVDs

When out of my monitor came such a clatter
That I minimized Windows to see what was the matter
Then what I saw made me tremble with fear
Eighteen error messages, none of them clear

Was it my motherboard, hard drive, or some other part?
Whatever it was it was breaking my heart
I’ve had crashes before, but none of them serious
This unholy mess was truly mysterious.

My heart filled with hope, I wished to believe
That a tech could come onsite on this Christmas eve.
But my tech numbers were all stored on my pc
It looked like there was no online hope left for me

What made the whole mess such a damn crying shame
All the gifts I was giving were new pc games
The disks were all useless without a computer
They can’t come alive, they’ll just sit and be neuter

I dialed a helpline and heard a strange noise
Then my call was picked up by recorded voice
If my problem was bad I was told dial “One”
Then I waited on hold till the nighttime was done.

Enough of that; I can’t think of any more; someone else finish it.

It didn’t really happen, at least to me not on Christmas eve, and there are no children expecting presents here. The pc I bought to replace the one that crashed a few months ago is still under warranty, so if it goes wack I’ve got someone to digitally reach out to.

I don’t claim copyright on the above, so I say send it to everyone you know.

Anyone who thinks they might have the gift of doggerel who wants to try to finish this, I encourage you to give it a shot. Post what you do and send it to me at [e-mail]. I promise I won’t rag on it; I’ll find something good to say about it.