Dear Santa...(Santa answers letters after too much egg nog)

[YellowRubberDuckie]

Subject: Dear Santa (NOT for the kiddies to see! LOL)

Dear Santa

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.
Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.

How about I send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and write?

I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

Santa



Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year and the only thing I
ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody.

Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa



Dear Santa,

I don' t know if you can do this but for Christmas I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together.

Please see what you can do.

Love
Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid mom who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa



Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis"? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up
with a Barbie.

Santa



Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door.

Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer far t in m y face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle
of scotch.

Santa



Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you busy making toys?

Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I
spend most of my time making low budget porn films. I unwind by
drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses
while losing money at the craps table.

Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa



Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?

Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.

I'm skipping your house.

Santa



Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE c ould I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks but that crap
doesn't work with me.

You're getting a sweater again.

Santa



Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love,
Marky

Mark,

First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Second you don't live in a house; you live in
a low rent apartment complex. Third I get inside your pad like the
boogeyman does: through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,
Santa

[unsavedtrash]

1. lol

:rofl:
thanks, I needed a good laugh today!

[YellowRubberDuckie]

2. Wasn't that great?!!

One of my friends told me I was going to hell for sending that. I'm sure there are better reasons than that. LOL
Duckie

[Suich]

3. Funny!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:hi:

[tinfoil tiaras]

4. LOL!

:rofl: :hi:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

5. ...

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Thanks for the laugh! :hug:

[YellowRubberDuckie]

6. I'm glad you enjoyed it!!

:hug: Happy Holidays!!