The Official Christmas Bah Humbug thread.

[Porcupine]

It is now Christmas Eve in all the lower 48 states.

Bah Humbug

Christmas Sucks. It's expensive, cold, commercialized, annoying and a farcical representation of the religion it's supposed to come from. Where the hell in the Bible does it tell us to kill a tree for christ and hum songs about a drummer boy? Pah rum pa pum pum to you too asshole!!

What happened to the good old pagan solstice orgy and human sacrifice in a flaming wicker cage? Why isn't that good enough anymore? No, instead we have to shlep our butts all over town to buy presents for relatives that can barely grunt a complete sentance at us a few times a year.

I have nieces and nephews that I have never had a conversation beyond "Hi uncle porcupine" with. I am still expected to provide individualized gifts for these complete strangers twice a year. I carefully wrap the packages in special, non-recyclable paper that they shred at light speed. I have to deliver them too.

Christmas travel sucks. Only during the Christmas season is snow in Denver and fog in London considered an international emergency. Why the crap can't they figure this out? Should this kind of weather be a surprise after 50 years of commercial jet flights? Of course my yearly 4 hour treks up and down I-5 are wonders of boredom punctuated by the terror of dodging fleets of WalMart semis.

Christmas food sucks. It's winter and I'm not exactly rushing out to the park for daily hikes while bits of me freeze off. So to celebrate that lets put ham, turkey, pies, cake, cookies and candy at yearly low sales prices. That does wonders for my waistline which is why.....

After Christmas sales suck. All the good merchandise is picked over, your fellow shoppers look like sugar coated zombies as they hide the items that would fit you under a stack of unlike stuff. Of course now I get to find out I'm not the size I thought I was. Then there are the lines from hell served by a cashier who can't seem to recall there's a register in front of her.

Christmas music sucks. Except the Grandma run over by a reindeer song.

I'm sure that there are other ways that Christmas sucks. Relatives, office parties, non-existant bonuses and crappy customers from those of you in retail. So tell us.

Bah Humbug to you too.

[sarge43]

1. A little something to put you in a better mood, Porcupine.

You are not alone.

http://www.salon.com/ent/tv/iltw/2006/12/24/holiday

[Ava]

2. merry christmas!

:hi:

[Guava Jelly]

3. OMFG

Thats a Hilarious Rant!
I feel ya my brotha!

[deucemagnet]

4. Christmas sucks.

Christmas music makes my ears bleed, and the ubiquitous tacky decorations make me want to bludgeon a cartoon reindeer with an oversize candy cane. Who's the asshole in local government who said, "Hey, you know what would look great? Big, red, fake plastic candles on the telephone poles!" Plus, the greedy bastards in retail are pushing this bullshit on us earlier each year. It used to be that I was sick of Christmas by December, but now any mention of Christmas, any time of year, triggers my gag reflex. Bah humbug.

[Porcupine]

5. Aack, the giant plastic candy canes of doom

that replace the american flags that they put up to convince themselves we are all patriotic. Sheer idiocy.

edit: dyslexia

[deucemagnet]

9. Well, I'm glad to see that we have at least a few Scrooges checking in!

At least we can all take solace in the fact that we are a few short days away from the Feast of Zover. That's when all the parties are done, the gifts are gifted, the relatives return home, and you proclaim, "It's over! It's over! Z'OVER!!!"

Here's wishing all patience during this trying time and a joyous Feast of Zover. :hi:

[badgerpup]

18. Thankyouthankyouthankyou, porcupine!

"Feast of Zover"...:spray::rofl:

I feel better now...I'm not the only one who thinks Norman Rockwell was on drugs.

[Pool Hall Ace]

6. Love your rant!

I'm retired from the Christmas insanity, but despite the fact that it's just me and my husband this year, he's still managing to be a crabcake! x(

Bah Humbug, indeed.

[idgiehkt]

7. free at last, free at last

I hate it. I really do. I couldn't tell whether this post was serious but if no one minds I will just say I'm worried because I'm already on edge and it's not even til tomorrow. The only fun in it for me in it is when everyone opens their presents (at my parents)and I get to clean up all the wrapping paper and smooth it out and MAKE them recycle the paper, ribbons, bows and boxes. It really pisses off my sister, which makes it even better (since she thinks recycling is something low-class people do because they are too lazy to haul off their trash). Other than that there is little joy in it since it involves all the things I detest: shopping, buying, spending money, spending money on things to cover up the things you spent money on (gotta admire the wily, sneaky, genius sumbitch that came up with that marketing ploy) giving and getting shit that you don't want and don't need, being fake to people you can't stand, eating too damn much, pretending to be a happy family, being surrounded by conservatives that think killing 600k people in Iraq was 'God's plan', listening to music about one of the most sex-negative myths ever foisted on humanity and realizing it's part of why the entire world is so fucked up.

[skygazer]

15. I know that wasn't meant to be funny

And I wish you the fortitude to survive the day (because I know exactly where you're coming from) but this line - "since she thinks recycling is something low-class people do because they are too lazy to haul off their trash" - had me almost convulsed with laughter. :rofl:

I'm fortunate in that all my family is far away - I sent gifts to the kids and grandkids and it's just me and the SO. We're watching Enemy at the Gates, drinking, and eating killer homemade ciopinno. And the only thing different for us than any other week is that neither of us have to work tomorrow. :woohoo:

[HuffleClaw]

8. you make some good points, however you were rather remiss to omit

the atrocity of INFLATABLE CHRISTMAS LAWN ORNAMENTS !!!!!

whoever is responsible for those horrific things "should be should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart." ehehheehehheeh

[GenDem]

10. I was just going to post this and you beat me!

Today I saw an entire army of the inflatables...there was every known Christmas character...littering a yard with carbon based plastic nonsense.

Even worse than seeing them all blown up...is seeing all of them deflated and laying all over a front yard.

I hate those fucking moranic lawn ornaments!!!!!!!:nuke:

[graywarrior]

11. I scond that.

All my relatives are psycho, drug addicted or falling down drunks...including the nieces and nephews. They have no idea where I am, if I'm still alive, nor do they give a rats ass.

My only sister is a Jesus freak, so she is in her GLORY today and tomorrow and living far enough away in Canada that we just can't get together relieving me of the torture of listening to her bitch that she HAS to make creamed lobster EVERY XMAS (I mean CHRISTmas) trapped by her fisherman husband but can't eat because her gums swell up (what, Jesus can't perform a miracle?)


And my brother is in hiding either from his two fucked up sisters (yup, I'm one of them) or from Hell's Angels he fucked over sometime in the past few years, or from his first ex-wife, or second & third common law wives and their ungrateful little drug addicted parasite infested spawn.

So, fuck XMAS, CHRISTmas, Happy Holidays or whatever the fuck you want to call it. I stay ALONE and LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT!

[Porcupine]

12. Well damn and ouch,

It's 4:40 pm on Christmas Eve. My older daughter called me to tell me she's sick. We're supposed to drive 4 hours tomorrow to Santa Rosa to my sisters. My older brother commited suicide this summer and I feel like crap myself.

I hurt my back and my business closed so I'm out of work for which I will get chewed out.

Tonight I have to do dishes and laundry by myself at home and make Christmas pudding that I promised people. I wandered downtown and it was totally deserted. I lay in bed all day reading and feeling totally unmotivated.

But I do believe you may have had me beat.

Take care of yourself. Check in with for the festival of Zover.

[sasquatch]

13. Would you cheer me up and post in this thread!?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=5982508&mesg_id=5982508

:hi:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

14. I don't think it sucks, exactly; but there are some things

that bug the hell out of me (besides the general atmosphere of crass commercialism).

I do have some of the same problems with relatives: my teenaged nieces seldom say anything to me besides, "Hi, Aunt Ocelot," yet I am expected to buy stuff for their birthdays and Christmas, and it has to be nice stuff, too. I also learned the other day that gift cards (which I had been giving them for the last few years because I could never figure out what to buy for them, since I am old and uncool) would be unwelcome and inappropriate because then the kids would actually have to take the trouble go to the store where I got the cards to pick out something they want. So now I must intuit what they want, which is difficult because they don't say much to me, and it certainly won't be the right thing anyhow, so my sister-in-law will be pissed at me for that. Sigh.

And then there are the inflatable lawn decorations, which make me wish I had a BB gun or a set of lawn darts.

And the music, except for "real," classical Christmas music (which I love), both sucks and blows. Especially "The Little Drummer Boy" in all its heinous arrangements.

And of course there's the fake War On Christmas, which requires Christians to be offended all the time and at the same times requires members of all other religions to cheerfully accept diversity, and which makes me crabbier than ever.

Bah, humbug, indeed.

[achtung_circus]

16. I am so there.

Spending on STUFF. It's mostly crap. I don't want crap. If it's a choice between crap and nothing please give me nothing, or better yet, where the fuck were your lazy asses this afternoon when we were generating the Christmas dinners for the shut-ins and poor in my small piece of this big city.

We carved, mashed, spooned, covered and delivered more turkey and more mashed potatoes than I really want to see.

It's the best part, and about the only part that still means a fiddler's fuck.

For clarity "you" is a "generic lazy ass, I'd rather be shopping you", rather than a "where was DU? you".

[ThatsMyBarack]

17. I have to spend my Xmas in the sticks....

....without my kitty boys and with boring relatives who only pay attention to my 1-year-old nephew. :eyes:

Plus, I have to share my bathroom up here, so it always gets messy. :grr:

[Presidentcokedupfratboy]

19. As Ebenezer Scrooge said:

"A fine excuse for picking a man's pocket every 25th of December!!!!"

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

20. I am staying in my room until its time to go over to grandmother's.

But I am so ready for the holidays to be over. I would honestly rather be at work right now.

[Callalily]

21. That's hilarious

Porcupine. Personally, I keep the holiday festivities very simple so I do enjoy them.

Sending you to get you through the next week.

[BikeWriter]

22. *Insert muzack* Oh, I'm staying drunk for Christmas...*/muzack*

[bikebloke]

23. Ho Ho Ho, Hare Krishna!

I gave up on the holiday long, long ago. I'm estranged from what family that are still alive (if they still are - and some deserve to live only if they're suffering). Socially, I've become a bit of a recluse without being a shut in, rolling around on my bike. On the good side, the stereo pounding neighbour upstairs appears to be away for the weekend (Hey, maybe there is a Santa).

I once worked for a place that pumped muzak at all us happy drones to make us happier. My desk unfortunately was under one of the speakers. Right after Thanksgiving, they'd pump out christmas tunes at high volume. It was maddening. I could only wish the telephone closet would be left open so I could sneak in and switch it off. It usually took management a week to sober up to notice before turning it back on.

[Evoman]

24. The only thing you HAVE TO DO is die.

Honestly...so many people create their own problems. I understand a lot of your humbugedness (the ones with legitimate complaints)..but jeez. No one forces you to buy presents or do anything. You are your own person...do whatever the fuck you want and let the rest handle itself.

Don't like buying present for strangers? Don't buy presents for strangers.

Don't like making christmas dinner? Don't make christmas dinner.

Don't want to visit family? Tell them your sick, and then rent some movies and enjoy yourself.

Hell..I'm atheist. I can honestly say I hate religion. But I also realize what christmas truly is...a couple of days off, and a chance to relax. I buy some presents....and I keep to what I can afford. If I don't feel like it, I don't do it. The "holidays" only have power if you give it power...if you stop thinking of it as christmas, and start thinking of it as a nice winter day where you can stay home and have some brew while watching movies, then how could you NOT enjoy it.

[itsmesgd]

25. A shit-faced bah humbug to everyone

Here's hoping that 07 is better than 06- seriously. I cant take another year like 2006.

[badgerpup]

26. Hear hear!

Well, I probably could if I had to...

But I sure as hell don't want to, and I'd want a damn good reason for having to do so! x(

[deucemagnet]

27. I'll drink to that!

Here's a big, boozy, bourbon-breathed "BAH HUMBUG!" right back atcha!