I finally told her.

[Chichiri]

I've known my best friend K for almost 12 years, and I've been in love with her almost that long, although it took me a long time to admit it to myself. We've been very close as friends, especially this last year, and have even shared a smooch or two -- but despite her claims to be able to read me like a book, she had no idea how I felt. So she was shocked, shocked I tell you, to hear me say it tonight.

K's reaction? Shock, I tell you!

Oh, other than that? She's not sure, she has to think about it, she can't honestly say she's in love with me, but that doesn't mean too much since she doesn't fall in love easily AT ALL -- she's been in love maybe once in her life -- and so I'll simply have to be patient with her, which I'm more than willing to be. I told her that, and that the friendship would always come first.

I ought to be unsatisfied, maybe even a little down, but you know what? This is probably the best Christmas gift I could have given myself. Whatever happens, I'm glad she finally knows, and I'm totally dedicated to whatever makes her happy. Obviously, I really hope that's me! :D But we'll only find out in the long run.

Wish me the best of luck . . .

[skygazer]

1. I do wish you the best of luck

If nothing else, you have a best friend who you love. Kind of a win, win situation.

[Chichiri]

7. That's true.

Always a good thing to have.

[Fridays Child]

2. Harry and Sally were friends for 12 years, too...

...before they finally realized that they were in love. And they didn't realize it at the same time, either. I think Sally knew it, first, but Harry came around, pretty quickly.

I adore that movie, and my Christmas wish for you is that your "best friends in love" story has the same happy ending.

:loveya:

[Chichiri]

6. Thank you. :-)

I hope so too. :-)

[sasquatch]

3. l'll wish you luck if you'll check out this link

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=5982508&mesg_id=5982508
:hi::)

[AlienAvatar]

4. You've crossed a line here,

a line that had to be crossed I'd say. Anything else would be dishonest and that's always a bad ingredient in any relationship. So you did the right and necessary thing.

Here's hoping there are great times ahead for both of you. Good luck.

:toast:

[Chichiri]

10. Yeah you're right

Let's just hope it works out for the very best -- preferably with K and I together. :) :loveya:

Wow . . . I've turned into a sap!

[FarLeftRage]

5. I told my girlfriend that I was in love with her

about a month after we had met. Needless to say she was quite surprised. Since then, she has acknowledged that she is in love with me... and it has only been 6 months now!

[sasquatch]

8. Hey congrats! Coud you help me out though!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=5982508&mesg_id=5982508

Please post in ths link for me and keep it kicked.
:hi:

[FarLeftRage]

9. Okay there dude in Ohio

you got a :kick: from me... thanks.

[Redstone]

11. "L’audace, et encore de l’audace, et toujours de l’audace."

Faint heart ne'er won fair maid, in other words.

You did well. No matter the outcome, you did well.

Redstone

[Chichiri]

12. Merci beaucoup.

:-) :hi:

[u4ic]

13. I wish you luck

and love. Well done. :toast:

[BarenakedLady]

14. Good luck

I hope it all works out for you! :hug:

[Chichiri]

15. Thanks everyone.

:) :hug:

[Danger Mouse]

16. No da!

Sorry, couldn't resist...please don't hurt me...

[Chichiri]

17. hee hee . . .

Tis okay. :) :hi:

[Danger Mouse]

30. Thanks =)

Good to see a fellow FY lover here.
Good luck with the girl, too!

[Hugin]

18. Good luck!

Best wishes!

Hope it turns out for you.

:thumbsup:

[dorktv]

19. That was a much better reaction then I got from my best friend.

He told me that I was not supposed to be in love with him, I was supposed to be setting him up with women to date.

[Chichiri]

20. Ouch

I'm sorry :-(

[BlueIris]

21. Good luck!

These things are never easy, are they? But at least it's out now.

[blondeatlast]

22. My friendship turned into love and we've been married almost

11 years now. We knew each other for 5 years before that.

As long as your friendship endures, you're in great shape. The best I can hope for you is an outcome like Mr. BAL's and mine. That's about the best anyone could hope for, actually.

Good luck and congratulations! :toast:

[Chichiri]

23. That's certainly cause for optimism!

Thanks. :) :hug:

[Zhade]

24. Lucky.

...

:cry:

But, um, happy for you. Good luck, and take mine, because no amount of luck is going to change my situation, which is similar to yours but with less, well, hope.

EDIT: I'm sorry to whine on your thread. That was lame.

Just be glad she's not already in a relationship. Trust me on that.

[Chichiri]

25. She's not in ANY relationship right now

By choice. Too much on her plate for a serious relationship. Again, that's why patience is needed.

I'm very sorry about your own circumstances. :-/

[Zhade]

28. Thanks, and sorry again.

As SPK below says, unrequited - or can't-be-requited-at-this-point-and-maybe-never - love sucks.

I truly wish you the best of luck!

[SPKrazy]

26. Good Luck!

I hope it works out.

Unrequited love sucks.

So here's to hoping that yours is returned in full!

:toast:

[Guava Jelly]

27. That is so cool!

I hope it works out for you.
If not you still have a friend.
One who really knows you love them.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

29. Just a touch of advice.

Play a little hard to get. Maybe don't be totally available every minute of the day and night. It's more fun to go fishing when the fish gives you a little fight. :) Good Luck!

[LiberalHeart]

31. My advice would be not to play at all ...

Be honest and let her deal with reality.

Now that the words have been said, nothing will ever be the same -- no matter which way it goes.

[Chichiri]

36. Very true.

Keep your fingers crossed . . .

[Evoman]

32. Honestly? You probably blew it.

You don't just sneak up like that on a woman. Its a bad idea, and its not fair to her. Your honesty probably freaked her out, and count yourself lucky if she even talks to you again.

Its going to be difficult salvaging this thing. I'm going to give you my advice...you can take it or not take it. Thats up to you. But I seriously ask that you be careful when you take other peoples advice along the lines of "be honest with her" or "show here your feelings", because I guarantee thats gonna screw you over even more.

Here goes:

1) Do NOT ever mention you love her AGAIN, until your either married, dating longer than 1 year, or your in the sack. And I'm not so sure about the latter.

2) Disappear for awhile. Don't talk to her for awhile. Get busy doing other things. What you want her to do is mull over what you said to her. If your not around the screw things up even more, theres a chance that she may think, "Hmm...I miss him. Maybe I do kinda like him".

3) Under no circumstances will you act like a love-sick puppy, or act nervous around her.

4) " I'm totally dedicated to whatever makes her happy"....NO..sob...no. Don't be a doormat. Don't do be dedicated to some women you've never even kissed (have you kissed her?).


Look...I'm not sure how old you are, or your experience level. But this is amateur stuff your pulling. And its not going to work. Its going to scare her, and its going to make her uncomfortable.

If my experiences are any guarantee, you and other people will be enflamed by my post. You will think that I'm telling you to play games, and that I'm wrong. But life is a game....romance is a game, and love is a game. And the people who don't know how to play the game, are the ones who lose out on what can be a very deep, fulfilling romance and relationship. Part of courtship and seduction, is excitement and mystery, and a little conflict. Out of that spark, grows the flame.

Don't deny your friend that excitement and mystery by confessing love before you've even been with her.

Flame away, but I'm right.

[AlienAvatar]

33. I reconsidered what I said earlier

I said it was the "right and necessary thing". I shouldn't have said that. I think Evoman is probably giving the best advice here.

Telling her you love her was probably too much too soon. The relationship can still be salvaged, but it's going to require special tactics like Evoman suggested.

I feel for ya though. Unrequited love is difficult to deal with.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

34. No flames here, Evoman

You're totally right.

If you love someone who doesn't love you back in the same way, the best thing you can do is give them and yourself space.

The first reason is so that the object of your affections won't feel pressured, because pressure is the greatest enemy of love.

The second is so that you can start breaking your addiction to the other person so that a) You won't act like an idiot in front of your beloved, and b) You may even find someone who is more suitable and really willing.

Don't give up hope, though, not unless the other person clearly doesn't want you around or takes up with someone else. I know of cases in which friends have become lovers. But more often than not, they have to salvage the friendship.

[Chichiri]

35. Heh.

1-3 are already taken care of. 4 doesn't really apply, because I have kissed her.

As for your love-as-a-game paradigm, K and I would both strongly disagree with that, but I'll keep it in mind.

The reason I told her is because we've been best friends for over a decade, and I've been lying to her by omission for that entire time. I couldn't count myself a good friend if I kept doing it. If it blows my chance to be with her, c'est la vie.

[LibraLiz1973]

38. I agree with your doormat thing... I thought that right away

" I'm totally dedicated to whatever makes her happy"....NO..sob...no. Don't be a doormat. Don't do be dedicated to some women you've never even kissed (have you kissed her?)."


Whether you've kissed her or not it doesn't matter. You have to be committed to what makes you HAPPY. (as long as it doesn't intentionally hurt someone else) Committing yourself to someone elses happiness always sets you up for failure. It's either a joint effort or it isn't.

Also.. if she was really your BEST friend, she wouldn't have been shocked at all.

Not trying to be harsh, but it sounds like you've set yourself up for one of those heartbreaking no win situations.

Good luck

[LanternWaste]

39. Was it Spillaine who wrote

I you were wrong, I'd be the first to flame-on. But you're spot-on correct. Fitzgerald wrote, "the rich really are different from us...". It was actually a veiled reference to women. They really *are* different in just. so. many. frikkin. ways.



Was it Spillaine who wrote, "No woman's worth dyin' for. Killin' for? Maybe. But not dyin' for."

[Locrian]

40. spot on ...

great advice. take if from someone who KNOWS the deer in the headlights look when you "profess your true love".

4) " I'm totally dedicated to whatever makes her happy"....NO..sob...no. Don't be a doormat. Don't do be dedicated to some women you've never even kissed (have you kissed her?).

LOL where were you 25 years ago?!

[coffeenap]

37. My husband of 22 years and I were friends for 4 years before we

got together. In fact, I had finally left my two best friends (he and another guy) to go look for a job. I had finished college and they had a year left. The weekend after I moved out and did interviews on the west coast, I came back to visit. We fell in love. The rest is a long story. Moral: YOU NEVER KNOW!!!