My how Christmas can go from grand to f*ed up in no time at all

[ET Awful]

So the SO and I exchange gifts on Christmas Eve morning, all goes well, we're both happy, we go out afterwards, buy a few more things for ourselves, and all in all, it's a good day.

Yesterday, we get ready to go to her parents house, and she's in a bad mood from the time we get up, and starts an argument, which in turn makes me angry, and I start yelling.

At some point, I tell her that she's treating me like crap, meaning that at that moment, I think she is. She takes that to mean I think she ALWAYS treats me like crap and the day just turns to complete shit from there on out.

Now, I feel like an asshole for getting angry, she seems convinced that I don't appreciate her or love her, and I can't stay focused on work or life in general because I'm torn up over it.

No wonder I hate the holidays. It seems like every Christmas, something goes on that makes me sorry I bothered to get out of bed.

:cry:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

1. Sounds like you unintentionally got in between her and the

ISSUES (note the capital letters) she has with her family of origin. They may be capable of turning on the charm for visitors, but she and they may have some major resentments brewing that make her dread going to visit them. (There were years when I hated the thought of visiting my family at Christmas because of the passive-aggressive behavior of some of them.)

However, she was wrong to take it out on you, especially to interpret your statement about "treating me like crap" as a blanket statement, and you were perhaps not perceptive enough to realize that she was spoiling for a fight. (If someone is spoiling for a fight, stay out of their way.)

I see two possibilities:

1) This was a temporary storm that will soon blow over and had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the family of origiin.

2) This is a behavior pattern in which GF frequently accuses you of things you never meant and picks fights with you.

If 1) give her a little space and then approach her for a calm, reasoned talk. Make "I" statements ("I know that you were tense about visiting your family, but I feel that it's unfair when you try to pick fights with me and misinterpret my statements.") instead of "you" statements ("You're treating me like crap.")

If 2) you need to consider how long you want to put up with all the drama. If EVERYTHING is always your fault, and you can never do anything right, and GF always takes out her frustrations on you, you may be involved with an emotional abuser, and I don't care how attractive she is, you need to get out.

[ET Awful]

2. Thanks Lydia

And much of what you say is stuff that's crossed my mind already.

I'm kind of at a stand still right now. I don't know what I should do, and I need to put some heavy thought into it.

Thanks for your input though. It means a lot :hug:

[fudge stripe cookays]

3. Dead on and perceptive as usual, my friend.

I try to be as cool as I can at Christmas, but my mother is nuts. And poor reprehensor married into a hand grenade throwing contest between she and I. He usually tries to say as little as possible. Although she constantly tells him he's being "so quiet." Neither of us can stand being around her, we just do it to try to keep the peace. Usually.

ET's girlfriend probably has something similar going on. ET, just keep your head down in instances like this. Try to say and do as little as possible during the holidays, or alternately, begin a quest for a new sweetie who won't be quite as harsh. These things are not resolved quickly or easily.

:hug:

[BOSSHOG]

4. Forget exchanging gifts at Christmas Time

Both of you go work at a homeless shelter. Deliver food to elderly shut-ins. Go to a VA hospital and let a bedridden Vet tell you his war stories. Serve food to poor people. They can be found everywhere. When the day is done you and SO will hug each other, be thankful you have each other, and thank each other for the great gift you gave each other. You won't have time to be mad at each other, you'll be exhausted being good little angels all day. Give it a try at New Year's.

[tigereye]

5. it wouldn't be X-mas without at least one SO-type skirmish

I always think it's the impending relative- visiting thing that does it....

Watch A Christmas Story, and it puts it all in perspective.


:hug:

[smtpgirl]

6. My brother in law had chest pains & shortness of breath

He has a stent in his heart and we had to take him to emergency room last night

[ET Awful]

7. :( My best wishes to your brother in law and your entire family.

:( :hug: