Dole in the Lounge

[BuyingThyme]

December 25, 2006

According to sources close to the former senator, Bob Dole has signed on to another two-year deal with Pfizer, the makers of Viagra.

Senator Dole’s return as Viagra’s chief spokesperson will be “the centerpiece of a sustained marketing push” by which Pfizer plans to roll out a new and improved product line come April 2007. The “entire package,” as described in an internal Pfizer memo, will be revamped in a manner which “will better serve the demands of our post-9/11 demographics.”

Pending FDA approval, what many have come to know as the little blue pill will be offered not only in blue, but in red and white. The red, white, and blue strategy, another brainchild of Eric Tapides, Pfizer Vice President for Consumer Research, “reaches across the political divide, adding a patriotic twist to the surging recreational healthcare awareness debate.”

The strategy, which relies heavily on Senator Dole’s wide political appeal, will provide for blue-pill marketing efforts in what have come to be known as blue states, and red-pill marketing efforts in what have come to be known as red states. The white pill will be available in all states, providing an apolitical alternative for independents.

The deal, by which the Senator will pocket a cool eight million dollars, will climax with a “you decide” mass media component which will piggyback political ads during the final six weeks of the 2008 presidential race.