Tell me this is not funny. I DARE you.

[graywarrior]

Hugh Gallagher's 'College Essay'
3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?


I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

The rest is here.

http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/susan/joke/essay.htm



:rofl:

[billyskank]

1. That is not funny.

You know I'm only saying that because you dared me, don't you? :P

:D

[graywarrior]

6. I love you like a rock, billyskank.

[In_The_Wind]

2. You win! I can't meet your dare unless I lie.

BTW can we clone him?

[idgiehkt]

3. I love it

"Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants."

:rofl:

:rofl:

:rofl:

[billyskank]

4. By the way, if this is about hfojvt

I can believe every word of it. :D

[graywarrior]

7. What is hfojvt?

[billyskank]

8. hfojvt is the DU genius

I must introduce you to him. You'll like him.

[graywarrior]

9. I detect....

:sarcasm:

and it :scared: the crap out of me. Especially coming from you.

[billyskank]

11. No, I do not bullshit you

He really is a genius.

[graywarrior]

13. OK, then introduce us.

[Orsino]

5. It's amusing, in a half-assed Chuck Norris/Bill Brasky way...

...until the last line, which nails the funny to the wall. Brilliant!

[Guaranteed]

10. That is brilliant. nt

[SPKrazy]

12. That Is Not Funny Gray!

nope





:hide:















It's fucking hilarious!



:rofl: :rofl:

[RevolutionaryActs]

14. What the hell?

Did you write that? :P :rofl:

[graywarrior]

15. I wish, no read the top of the page.

[RevolutionaryActs]

16. I saw, but really it looks like something you would write.

:rofl:

[graywarrior]

17. Sounds exactly like my life.

[RevolutionaryActs]

18. Yes, you and your "sensuous and godlike trombone playing"

:spray:

[graywarrior]

20. Me performing heart surgery on Elvis....last week.

[RevolutionaryActs]

21. Amazing.

You're just amazing. :rofl:

[graywarrior]

22. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.

Only takes a few hours. While I'm doing that, I cook entire meals for Salvation Army.

[RevolutionaryActs]

23. And dont forget about your prizewinning clams

:bounce:

[graywarrior]

24. This is really true.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. O, and I TWIRL

[RevolutionaryActs]

25. BWHAHAHHA!

Check your PM btw. :D

[Fawkes]

19. Response to an MIT letter

http://funnies.paco.to/MITLetter.html

April 18, 1994
Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567

Dear John:

You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised. Most students would be.

But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.

The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!

Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country) to writing.

What? Of course, you don't want to be bored. Who does? Life here is tough and demanding, but it's also fun. MIT students are imaginative and creative - inside and outside the classroom.

You're interested in athletics? Great! MIT has more varsity teams--39--than almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural program so everybody can participate.

You think we're too expensive? Don't be too sure. We've got surprises for you there, too.

Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about this unique institution? Why not do it right now?

Sincerely,

Michael C. Benhke
Director of Admissions

P.S. If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, "Insight," just check the appropriate box on the form.


May 5, 1994
Michael C. Behnke
MIT Director of Admissions
Office of Admissions, Room 3-108
Cambridge MA 02139-4307

Dear Michael:

You've got the reputation. You've certainly got the pomposity. And now you've got a letter from John Mongan. Maybe you're surprised. Most universities would be.

But you're not most universities. And that's exactly why I urge you to carefully consider one of the most selective students in America, so selective that he will choose only one of the thousands of accredited universities in the country.

The level of pomposity and lack of tact reflected in your letter is a powerful indicator that your august institution might well be a possibility for John Mongan's future education. It certainly got my attention!

Don't want Bio-Chem students? No problem. It may surprise you to learn that my interests cover over 400 fields of study, from semantics to limnology, from object-oriented programming (perhaps one of the youngest professionals in the country) to classical piano.

What? Of course you don't want egotistical jerks. Who does? I am self indulgent and over confident, but I'm also amusing. John Mongan is funny and amusing - whether you're laughing with him or at him.

You're interested in athletes? Great! John Mongan has played more sports--47--than almost any other student, including oddball favorites such as Orienteering.

You think I can pay for your school? Don't be too sure. I've got surprises for you there, too.

Why not send a guaranteed admission and full scholarship to increase your chance of being selected by John Mongan? Why not do it right now?

Sincerely,

John Mongan

P.S. If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, "John Mongan: What a Guy!" just ask.

[Heidi]

26. Hahahahahahaha!

I think I just fell in love with John Mongan. What a guy! :rofl: :spray:

[NNadir]

27. That is hilarious.