LaraMN
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Fri Dec-29-06 09:52 PM
Original message |
Young-ish ladies or *really* special men; would you ever consider being a surrogate? |
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(referring to pregnancy, of course.)
I think I'd do it for my sister or my best friend, but not just anyone, and I'd have to be in good health, still.
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Nikia
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Fri Dec-29-06 09:56 PM
Response to Original message |
1. Only after having a couple of my own babies |
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I guess that I have to see what pregnancy is like first though to judge how big of a deal that it is for me.
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LeftyMom
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Fri Dec-29-06 09:58 PM
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I have a history of miscarriage so I'm not a good canidate.
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IdaBriggs
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Fri Dec-29-06 10:01 PM
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3. I used to think it was something I would be willing to do. But now |
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that I'm pregnant with twins, my answer is NO -- pregnancy is *NOT* fun! :)
(Please keep in mind that I've got hyperemisis, which means "super can't stop puking a lot" and I tried to lower my meds this week; it didn't work, and I've been throwing up again. Sigh. 24 weeks and STILL puking. Yuck!)
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LaraMN
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Fri Dec-29-06 10:10 PM
Response to Reply #3 |
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I puked until about six months in with my second baby (and then again for the last month). It was downright depressing. I suppose all those lovely symptoms are amplified in a twin pregnancy. Hang in there- healthy baby and momma vibes to you!
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IdaBriggs
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Fri Dec-29-06 10:52 PM
Response to Reply #5 |
12. My mom had that too -- at some level part of me was "convinced" |
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that I would be done at 24 weeks just like my mom. Sigh. Obviously I was wrong; we ended up INCREASING my medications today instead (after I unexpectedly started vomiting in the shower today -- YUCK!). Fortunately the babies are doing okay; they are KICKY! :) And thank you for the good wishes! :)
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lildreamer316
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Fri Dec-29-06 10:03 PM
Response to Original message |
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I have a pretty strong body and my pregnancy went very well. A tad bit of that high blood pressure; but nothing big at all.
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LaraMN
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Fri Dec-29-06 10:12 PM
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6. That's my feeling too- I had no major complications with my pregnancies |
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(except Jack's prenatal diagnosis with Downs- but that was an isolated issue). For someone I really care about, I think I'd consider it.
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blondeatlast
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Fri Dec-29-06 10:19 PM
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7. I would if it was a close relative. My beloved 2nd cousin survived bone cancer |
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after nearly 6 years but the chemo destroyed her ability to have children, so my wonderful cousin acted as a surrogate.
Now this wonderful young woman and her busband have a beautiful child. She's an absolutely terrific mom and so deserving.
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SeattleGirl
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Fri Dec-29-06 10:24 PM
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8. I actually offered to be a surrogate mother for one of my sisters. |
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Edited on Fri Dec-29-06 10:26 PM by SeattleGirl
She thought I was kidding at first, but I was absolutely serious. She and my BIL wanted a baby so badly, and they were not able to conceive. I finally convinced her that I was serious, but in the end, she turned me down, which was her choice. But I absolutely would have done that for her.
Edited to add: I am not "youngish" any more; this took place a number of years ago.
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RevolutionaryActs
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Fri Dec-29-06 10:30 PM
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I personally can not imagine bringing a child into this world, when there are so many children without homes and families already. So I would sooner adopt, than have my own child. So if I'm not going to have a child of my own, there's no way I'd do it for someone else. I don't know if that's selfish or not?
Plus I think the whole ordeal would just be too weird. Personally. So there ya go.
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QMPMom
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Fri Dec-29-06 10:38 PM
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10. I don't handle pregnancies very well, so I wouldn't have offered |
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to be a surrogate. I would donate my eggs if a good friend or sibling needed that. I talked over with my husband the possibility of donating my eggs to my step-sister, who, due to genetic reasons, shouldn't get pregnant with her own bio children. Had her husband at the time been a more stable person, we'd have talked it over with her.
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Ilsa
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Fri Dec-29-06 10:45 PM
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11. I have worked with a woman who was a surrogate (twins) for a |
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Edited on Fri Dec-29-06 10:47 PM by Ilsa
friend she had known for a long time. There was no biological relationship between the surrogate and the babies. She also pumped milk for the babies for several months as if they were her own kids. Huge sacrifice on her part to give her friend children and endure a pregnancy with twins. And the surrogate was married with kids and working. I wonder how her husband felt.
I couldn't do it. Pregnancy and childbirth were wretched experiences, IMO.
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Xipe Totec
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Fri Dec-29-06 10:54 PM
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13. I'd have to be really drunk |
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and even then, I don't think it would work.
wrong plumbing.
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pitohui
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Fri Dec-29-06 10:59 PM
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14. there is no such thing as a surrogate |
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sorry the woman who carries the babies is the mother as far as i'm concerned, i suppose one day the rich women won't even carry their own brats, plenty don't now apparently
there are no shortage of children in the world, and i don't really support fertility research in any case, if you can't get pregnant, it is no great tragedy and it is in fact a huge savings of time, money, and energy, but some people are just determined to be miserable in this life
no i wouldn't be a surrogate for my dearest friend and i think she'd be a jerk to even ask that of me or anyone
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LaraMN
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:13 PM
Response to Reply #14 |
22. Really? So an adoptive mother isn't really a "mother," then? |
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Edited on Fri Dec-29-06 11:19 PM by LaraMN
I think it is very much a tragedy to some women, when they want to and cannot conceive on their own. Whether or not to become a parent, and how one goes about doing so is an issue I wouldn't want to dictate the terms of, for anyone else.
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GirlinContempt
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:16 PM
Response to Reply #14 |
23. You're such a piece of work |
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do you come with a really good return policy?
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NC_Nurse
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:05 PM
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HEyHEY
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:08 PM
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pitohui
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:10 PM
Response to Reply #16 |
19. a few thousand dollars for 9 months work |
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like most "women's work" it pays for shit! or at least it used to, my information is old
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IdaBriggs
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:41 PM
Response to Reply #16 |
29. I believe its about $35 to $40 thousand, which is really not that much |
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money for the risks involved. It is something only very special women can do, who put their own health at risk, take time away from their families, and then give an amazing gift to another family. It also comes with a heckuva lot of baggage for some women, especially if complications like post partum depression, etc. kick in. The "pay" is really just basic compensation for the expenses that pop up. For example, if you get put on bedrest, who watches your own kids, and takes care of your household responsibilities? Also, there are some SERIOUS issues that can impact a marriage (like long periods of celibacy!) that have to be discussed with a spouse very carefully.
I know one woman who did it for her sister-in-law; it caused some major problems in the family because the sister-in-law really had some personal demons about the situation, and did not stick to the agreements that were hammered out in advance (including helping with the childcare for the three other children when there were complications, or being supportive about breastfeeding because it was "her" baby -- breastfeed or pumping is good for helping to shrink the uterus). Also, when some serious post partum depression kicked in, the extended "in law" family was NOT supportive. It took several years before everything died down -- and in this particular case, my friend had been doing it FOR FREE because it was family.
I am very supportive of families who make this choice, but it isn't an easy one. The rewards, however, are worth it for the folks I know who traveled this road. My friend was very proud of how she helped bring her niece into the world (even if her sister-in-law ended up being a world class b*tch for a while). She is one of the most amazing people I know....:)
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leeroysphitz
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:08 PM
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17. For me it would really have to be a whole "Big Chill" Kevin kein |
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sort of thing for a beloved friend with my S.O. completely on board and even then I could foresee weirdness...
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Left Is Write
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:10 PM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Fri Dec-29-06 11:12 PM by Left Is Write
Edited to add: most people who are responding "no" are saying so because pregnancy is difficult or unpleasant for them; I actually enjoyed pregnancy and wouldn't mind that part of it - it would be giving up the baby after carrying and birthing it that I would have the problem with.
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bigwillq
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:10 PM
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JustABozoOnThisBus
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:13 PM
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21. Explain the "really" special men option ... |
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It sounds painful, impossible, or would require vast quantities of EVOO.
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LaraMN
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:16 PM
Response to Reply #21 |
24. Just leaving the door wiiide open! |
Oeditpus Rex
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:17 PM
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fizzgig
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:21 PM
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26. i might for a really close friend |
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but i'd be a bit concerned about how i would handle it when it came time to give the baby to its family. i can't imagine carrying a baby for nine months and then having to let it go.
that said, pregnancy is one of the things in life i want to experience but i don't know that i really want kids
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Nicole
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:36 PM
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I loved being pregnant so that wouldn't bother me. I just can't imagine handing over the baby I carried & gave birth to.
I would donate my eggs though.
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Left Is Write
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:40 PM
Response to Reply #27 |
28. I couldn't even do that. |
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It's a moot point now that my eggs are past 40, but I'd still have trouble donating even eggs, knowing that the child wouldn't really be mine.
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Nicole
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:45 PM
Response to Reply #28 |
32. It's a moot point for me too |
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My eggs are older than your's.
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LaraMN
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:42 PM
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31. I'm the exact opposite! |
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:7
I'd have a hard time donating my eggs!
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Nicole
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:47 PM
Response to Reply #31 |
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I think it would be easier for me, since I never held the eggs in my arms.
Or at least I would hope to hell I never held them 'cuz that might mean I extracted them myself. :crazy:
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LaraMN
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Sat Dec-30-06 12:08 AM
Response to Reply #33 |
34. Perhaps I'm sentimental about my DNA? |
Nicole
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Sat Dec-30-06 12:11 AM
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ganeshji
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Fri Dec-29-06 11:41 PM
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BlueIris
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Sat Dec-30-06 12:26 AM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Sat Dec-30-06 12:30 AM by BlueIris
I...don't think I can get into my reasons in great detail for fear of offending, but let's just say that I would hope that people who need to have a baby that badly will all consider raising a family in another way. Or even better, consider that there are many ways to be fulfilled in this world without raising your own biological child, without raising a child from infancy, or without raising children at all. Yes, I know there are many infertile couples for whom there is no other way apart from surrogacy to become parents, and I'm not totally unsympathetic to their pain (I would know more about the pain of infertility than most might assume) but if I were to be a surrogate, I would worry that I would be facilitating a kind of desperate entitlement mentality that I really don't want to encourage others to see as acceptable. Please don't flame me.
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dropkickpa
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Sat Dec-30-06 12:59 AM
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I loved being pregnant, and love being a mom, so I think, for someone that I loved, I could do it.
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Kat45
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Sat Dec-30-06 01:12 AM
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38. My friend's brother met his future wife when she was a surrogate. |
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Edited on Sat Dec-30-06 01:14 AM by notmyprez
She was being a surrogate for someone she knew. But I'd say it's an unusual situation to meet the woman you end up marrying while she's pregnant. He thought quite highly of her because she was doing this for someone.
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