sell your soul to satan online

[cade]

snip-

In past decades, merely trying to sell one's soul was a prickly deal. Firstly, the complex technical knowledge of sorcery sufficient to elicit the attention of Satan has been so forbidding, that anyone capable of summoning the Devil had very little need to actually do so, being able to obtain virtually everything else via magic. Secondly, pacts formed with, (unbeknownst to the mortal in question), unlicensed demonic tempters, often resulted in highly unsatisfactory pacts by both mortal and infernal standards. Thirdly, even demonic tempters licensed for seduction and glamour by Satan took a heavy cut out of the profit of the operation. So little was left over for Satan himself, that the miracles being offered became progressively flimsier, until finally it took three entire souls and a goat sacrifice to afford a night of sex with Kathy Ireland. Fourthly, in this age of numerous contagious blood diseases, it was considered a potential violation of contract if for some reason an individual became ill by a chance contact with an infernal pact. Red ink was used very briefly, but it was deemed wise to let go of some traditions in order to capitalize on a rapidly expanding and forward-looking marketplace. Lastly, the entire concept of union strikes originated in Hell...

snip-

optional packages !!!
snip-

Membership to the Secret Vatican Council: Many individuals are still unaware that Satan's holding corporations have had a major controlling interest in the Vatican bank since 1946; fairly easy to do since Satan can produce pure gold and precious minerals at a breathtaking speed. What even fewer are aware of is that in the race to form a worldwide conspiracy to match the imaginations of pulp horror authors, Satan was shrewd and bought out someone else's. This was done entirely behind the scenes, as an alteration in the name or logo of the Roman Catholic Church might slightly interfere with customer loyalty, and thus revenues.

or

The Power of Mind Control: You too can join the ranks of Svengali, Rasputin, Mesmer, and the Reverend Jim Jones by becoming a master of telepathic mind control. Fun at parties, but most intriguing for soliciting one night stands and commanding enemies to dry hump the third rail on subway tracks, this freebie option is as potent as the imagination of its possessor.
more and more at
http://www.necronomi.com/projects/666/

[Nevernose]

1. Too late

I already gave mine to Cthulhu. Part of a lease with an option to buy at the end.

:evilgrin:

[ming]

2. I've had better deals...

I think the Mafia is offering attractive packages right now, especially for those with unique skills. Oh, and there's always the Repulican party -- look what they did for George Bush.

BTW: For those who seek a more heavenly existence, and personally I think there's more money in selling god than in selling Satan, the Unliversal Life Church of Modesto, California offers free, online ordinations. Just click here to go their website, and click on the the Instant Ordination button at the top of the page to join the over 20 Million people who have been ordained since 1959. Printable color certificate suitable for framing.

Oh, and while you're there, don't forget to check out their online store where you can pick up the popular Monastery Credentials package along with the church's finest product, their Ministry In A Box.

This is a real church, by the way, and yes, I am an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church of Modesto, CA. O8) I just love saying that. ;-)

Anybody remember Chris on the show Northern Exposure who got his ministerial credentials by answering an ad in the back of Rolling Stone?

[mike_c]

3. you can also sell you soul to the devil online here:

http://www.rnc.org/

Ask about the Pioneer package....