Query letter: Would this make you want to read my book?

[Droopy]

What follows is the first draft of my query letter that I intend to use to try to sell my book to a literary agent. If you see errors or think that it just outright sucks let me know how I can improve it.

I have a manuscript with a working title of "Stories From the Road and Other Tales of Insanity." It is a mostly non-fiction work of short stories from my time on the road as a truck driver. I say "mostly" non-fiction because I have included in the manuscript a short work of fiction.

The work is a unique take on the trucking industry and the people who work in it and around it. Each story is like a short video of a particular time in my career and who I was with. My focus is mainly on the people that I work around and get to know a little bit. The point of my stories is to give a candid view into the lives of working class people-real people that I meet all the time and who let down their guard to let me see what's really there. The goal of the work is to make the reader come away with a sense of compassion for the people who make this country work. I have changed all of the names of the people that I write about and I don't use last names.

I'm a thirty-four year old truck driver. I've been driving trucks for the past ten years. I've never had a book published. A few of my stories have appeared on the internet, but I was not compensated for them. I think that my experience as a trucker has helped me develop an insight into the human condition that is original. The stories are unique and fresh and written with a strong, distinctive voice.

Thanks for your consideration,

Droopy

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Droopy........

It looks good to me!

Of course, I'm not a literary agent, but I think I'd still want to read your stories based on this letter.....

It's short and very much to the point, and that would be important to a a busy agent, I would think........

Good luck!

:hi:

[Droopy]

2. Thanks Peggy

How are you going to be celebrating the New Year this evening? I think I'm just going to have a few beers with friends and family.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. That sounds like a nice time!

We don't really celebrate any more......

My husband's not crazy for champagne......and I hate to drink by myself!

We'll be at home, by ourselves......

I might still be on DU .....though that is pretty late for me these days!

I must be getting old!

You have a good time, OK?

:party:

[Droopy]

4. I sure will

Happy New Year if I don't speak to you between now and then. :)

[Gormy Cuss]

5. Sounds interesting.

Two suggestions. First, in the second paragraph consider describing the take as personal or insider's rather than unique. I just think it makes a stronger statement.
Second, much of the third paragraph content would be better as an introduction rather than so late in the letter. It establishes your creds as someone with insight on trucking.

I'd like to read it --I think a working man's perspective is always a good concept for a nonfiction piece.

[Droopy]

6. Thanks for the pointers

If I ever manage to get published you guys will be the first to know. I'd probably do some kind of deal with a DU fund drive and the book. I'd probably advertise it here as well. I think I might be getting ahead of myself, though :).

[Kat45]

7. A couple of suggestions:

In your second paragraph, the second to last sentence ("The goal of the work..."), you use the word "work" twice in the sentence, each time with a different meaning. I think I'd keep the second "work" ("people who make this country work") and come up with a different word to replace the first "work."

I'd also suggest using your last paragraph (that states who you are) as your second paragraph, but I might put the sentences about never having had a book published and stories appearing on the internet at the end of said paragraph.

Just my 2 cents.

Good luck with this.

[some guy]

8. $.02

If I were you, I would send my first query letter to whoever published Huffington's 'Nickle and Dimed' and include something to the effect that you are offering them first chance to publish because they already know that a book showing insight into the real world of real people can sell.

Having read a number of your stories here, I would change the working title from '...and other tales of insanity' to '...and other tales of Humanity' - you're stories have a lot of compassion, so why be disrespectful in the title?

[pitohui]

10. not a bad idea (but it's ehrenreich's nickle and dimed to pick a nit)

way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, i sold my first book by studying the different books available from different publishers and then sending my query to the one publisher i identified who seemed to have a strong interest in that topic

[pitohui]

9. a couple of suggestions

there is no use saying you've never had a book published, the agent knows that already or you'd have either an agent or at least a previous book referenced

if any of the stories that appeared on the internet are in your collection, you've sunk the deal right there, my husband lost a deal with a major publisher for that reason, that he had previously published the same work on the internet

don't put anything on the internet that you want to put in front of a publisher and it's better to leave out any mention of the internet at all, i can't say this too strongly -- my husband lost the deal in the early 2000s so this information is probably not terribly out of date, although there may be exceptions out there

in fact, the entire last paragraph is weak, you should not be saying things like "the stories are unique and fresh and written w. a strong, distinctive voice," that is playing writer and critic too, if you have a quote from a published writer saying your work has a strong, distinctive voice, give that writer as reference, otherwise leave it off

how i'd do it--

Enclosed you'll find my manuscript, "Stories From the Road and Other Tales of Insanity." I'm a 34 year old truck driver who has worked in this industry for ten years, and my book is a personal take on my experiences and the people I meet along the way.

I've changed all names and identifying characteristics of the people who inspired my stories, and I don't use any real last names.

I have included a self-addressed stamped postcard so that you can let me know when the manuscript has safely arrived. I have enclosed a SASE (self addressed stamped envelope, and if you don't include one, many agents and publishers will throw your package in the trash unread) so that you can let me know what you think after reading my manuscript. I have not submitted this manuscript to any other agent or publisher. (you'll have to leave out this line if you've made previous publishing attempts)

If you prefer to reply by email, my email address is... If you prefer to reply by telephone, you can call at...

Thank you for your kind consideration.

i have not published or even tried to publish a book in a number of years, so my information may be somewhat out of date, but the basic idea of the cover letter is to be short and businesslike

if you have previous publications or references from well-known writers, put them up front, but if you have no publications or references, no need to say so, agents are pretty smart, they can figure it out

be suspicious if the agent hits you up for money

good luck, in my day nonfiction was still possible to sell w.out forking over 10 percent (and it's 15 percent now) to some agent but it has become close to impossible now, so you are wise to take the step of seeking out an agent

hope to see you in the stacks real soon

but the phone number/email is important or at least used to be, back in the day, my editors seemed to just feel better about touching base on the phone

[rug]

11. I'd read it. But don't sign it Droopy.