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Some of you responded very supportively to my resolutions at the beginning of this year, so here's a recap for those of you who are interested.
Whereas: I have never, in seriousness, made a New Year’s resolution,
And whereas: I would benefit from a change in situation,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will make resolutions today.
STATUS: DONE
Indeed, I made them, and continued to strive for them throughout the year.
Whereas: I have wasted uncountable hours in futile attempts to help loved ones,
Whereas: My time is precious,
And whereas: Many of my loved ones still require my assistance,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will find and employ more effective means and methods to assist loved ones.
STATUS: INGRAINED
I became a better friend this year by more effectively maintaining myself and more effectively supporting others. I broke my chronic habits of nagging, sermonizing, and futile arguing, offering my emotional and experiential support where it was accepted and not trying to force it where it was refused. Rather than injuring myself with anxiety at my friends’ clearly foreseeable self-induced downfalls and attempting to wrestle them away from bad decisions, I warned them gently but clearly beforehand and offered assistance afterward.
I lost some friends this year, and among them were some of the dearest. I learned well from the mistakes I made that led to these losses, and those that remain benefit from the lessons.
Whereas: I have often demonstrated an amazing ability to extend my stamina, perceptiveness, connectivity, resilience, and combativeness when such is required by a loved one,
Whereas: I am unable to produce such extension for myself,
And whereas: I often require such extension,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will value myself sufficiently to employ my full ability for my own benefit.
STATUS: INGRAINED
My success here consists of two parts: valuing myself, and using my ability. I recently tasted success for the first time in memory, after going all-out to meet my own need. By finding my self-worth and by applying myself at will, I have proven my ability, and opened opportunity for a future of success and satisfaction.
Whereas: My escape from parental authority is long overdue,
And whereas: My parents are an obstacle and a danger as often as they are a resource,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will immediately begin all necessary measures to set up and hold ready a financial escape route.
STATUS: NOT DONE
Despite my employment, I am still dependent on my parents. I could break the link in a n emergency, but to do so, I would forfeit any likelihood of car ownership, and likely be forced to drop out of school. Neither of those is worth it.
I do not know why, but during the last few months, my parents have started granting me respectful distance. They now appear very eager to be helpful, but treat me as an adult.
I have come to appreciate my parents much better recently, for the time, effort, energy, and money they spent and continue to spend on me. As I learn to appreciate myself, I cannot deny that despite numerous mistakes, they raised me very well, and that they paid sufficiently close attention so as not to make the same mistakes with my younger siblings (though I have other complaints about them).
Whereas: When faced with injustice and bigotry, I am likely as not to remain silent,
And whereas: To do such is immoral and cowardly,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will actively oppose injustice and bigotry.
STATUS: NOT DONE
In this area too, I have improved, but still am not perfect. Though I challenged racist statements on occasion, I rarely responded to careless use of descriptors for various subsets of the queer community. Fear of damaging my relationships often held me in silence.
Whereas: I am possessed of dense and durable skeletal and muscular structures,
Whereas: Such imbue me with potential physical strength unavailable to most persons my size,
And whereas: Such are underused,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will strengthen and train my body.
STATUS: INGRAINED
At year’s end, school has made this much more difficult. Bicycle commuting has firmed and enlarged my lower body, giving me powerful legs. The rest of me, however, looks like a programmer.
Whereas: I have often been defeated by assignments requiring fast C++ programming and debugging,
And whereas: This semester is my last chance to complete CS2604: Data Structures in C++,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will more thoroughly learn and more effectively use the C++ language.
STATUS: INGRAINED
Yeah, I did that. The more I learned the more I hated it, too. Did it, done it, on to pure C.
Whereas: Differential Equations is a subject executed with mostly simple operations,
And whereas: I have failed to differentiate my way out of a paper bag,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will master and defeat Differential Equations.
STATUS: DONE
I’m glad that’s over. We’ll see how much of it stays with me.
Whereas: I have been at the mercy of my professors’ skill,
Whereas: Some professors at Virginia Tech are very unskillful,
And whereas: I have expended all of my withdrawal credits,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will recover and rebuild my alternative academic sources.
STATUS: DOING
I made some progress, and I have a few leads on potential mentors, but I still would like to improve my contacts. My recent success would not have occurred without fair, professional, attentive professors who provide explanations when asked and listen to student concerns instead of brushing them off onto inept aides.
Whereas: My English Minor is proceeding far more smoothly than my Computer Science Major,
And whereas: Such may represent my best employment prospect,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will investigate professional writing opportunities.
STATUS: DOING
I need to build a stronger portfolio. The demands of school slowed my progress in this area, but upcoming coursework will likely provide opportunity to advance it. As I enter my final year of school, I will have to plan additional contact development.
Whereas: Penmanship is an essential communication skill,
Whereas: I write mostly by keyboard and stylus,
And Whereas: My handwriting has suffered as a result of such,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will more often update the handwritten Sixth Book.
STATUS: DOING
Rather than with pen and paper, I compose electronically, which has freed me from a paper notebook’s requirement of near-sequentialitly. The handwritten books now serve more as a repository for highly promising or nearly completed works.
Whereas: I have written some art and much garbage,
Whereas: I no longer write often,
Whereas: My writing is one of my most prominent defining marks,
And whereas: My ideas, if unwritten, are soon forgotten,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will write more often.
STATUS: INGRAINED
Though I sometimes commit very little to paper or file, there is constantly a narrative, statement, or observation developing within me. Whether or not words are flowing from my hands at any particular moment, I am a writer at all times, every day, and in every place I go as my wordcraft never ceases.
Whereas: I enjoy the sound of my own voice in full tone,
Whereas: Such is now heard only when I talk in my sleep,
And whereas: I wish to recover my voice,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will greet myself aloud upon awakening.
STATUS: NOT DONE
Even without this exercise, my gaining awareness and acceptance of myself, good health, and growing spirit returned it to me. After its recovery, I stopped paying attention to it. I rarely hear myself when I speak, making it a surprise whenever someone comments to me about how powerful, authoritative, pleasant, or sexy I sound.
Whereas: Reality is often unpleasant to an extreme,
Whereas: Attempting to avoid such unpleasantness is often futile,
And whereas: Denial of reality almost always results in a worsening of said reality,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will face up to reality honestly, candidly, and in a timely fashion.
STATUS: INGRAINED
Reality isn’t gentle or sweet. It never has been. Ignoring it, however, is always to my detriment. I promptly rose to meet my requirements, disappointments, failures, and betrayals this year, and in so doing brought myself to a new level of durability and adaptability. I refused to let myself be marked or defined by my difficulties finding that though life really sucks sometimes, I don’t have to.
Whereas: I have at all times since developing self awareness been dominated or subjugated by another person,
Whereas: Such is not at all right, natural, or acceptable,
And whereas: Such has often occurred by my ignorance or with my willing consent,
Therefore be it resolved that: I will be nobody’s bitch.
STATUS: INGRAINED
I believed this resolution to be completely impossible when I made it, yet within a few short months, I achieved it by substantially rebuilding and revaluing myself, and by the irresistible urge to reject the abuse that I suffer. Indeed, it is not at all in my nature to be subject to abuse and domination. Nor is it in my nature to abuse or dominate another, nor to follow another without thought, nor to live in isolation. Instead, my hope and my need is to contribute to and benefit from healthy community, and to join in mutually enhancing partnership.
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