Saddam's brother jermaine speaks out

[Zuni]

from the Borowitz report


SADDAM’S BROTHER JERMAINE SPEAKS OUT

Appears on ‘Larry King Live’

Saddam Hussein’s little-known brother, Jermaine Hussein, took to the airways last night to offer a spirited defense of his embattled brother on CNN’s “Larry King Live.”

Jermaine Hussein, who had not been seen with his brother Saddam since the Husseins’ so-called “Victory Tour” at the end of the Iran-Iraq war, told Mr. King that Saddam was currently undergoing a “trial by media” and warned against a “rush to judgment” in his brother’s case.

“Larry, when I hear people talking on TV about my brother, I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” Jermaine Hussein told Mr. King. “This is not the Saddam I know.”

Jermaine Hussein called accusations that the former Iraqi dictator persecuted thousands of Kurds “very hurtful,” adding, “Saddam Hussein would rather slit his wrists than do that.”

“Larry, Saddam would never do anything to hurt Kurds,” Jermaine Hussein said. “He loves Kurds.”

Jermaine added that, now that the U.S. has searched Saddam’s Presidential Palace for weapons of mass destruction, Saddam would never want to live there again.

“He might visit, but it’s not a home anymore,” Jermaine said. “It’s just a house now.”

In a related story, there was a shake-up in Saddam’s inner circle as the Iraqi madman fired his official spokesman and replaced him with Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaaf, the former Iraqi Information Minister.

Mr. al-Sahaaf will come on board with the imprisoned dictator after months of working as a media advisor to Hollywood actor Ben Affleck.

In a prepared statement, Mr. al-Sahaaf said, “Ben Affleck is a shoo-in for an Oscar for his amazing performance in ‘Paycheck!’”