Humpty Dumpty: Post-accident action report

[scottcsmith]

Investigating officer: John "Faithful" Simmons, Brementown County Sheriff's Department.

Summary:
On 12 Jun 2003, Brementown resident Humpty Dumpty fell from a 30-foot wall. Dumpty suffers from a bizarre birth defect that resulted in Mr. Dumpty's body is the shape of an egg. Dumpty weighs approx. 350 pounds. Due to his shape, he is prone to accidents as balance is nearly impossible as the majority of his body weight is supported by very small legs. (See attachment 1A).

At 12:30 p.m., Mr. Dumpty scaled the wall (see photo attachment 2A) and sat down. Mr. Dumpty, who suffers from schizo-affective disorder, was in a manic phase, according to his girlfriend. In the manic phase, Dumpty was prone to sudden, irrational acts.

As Dumpty sat on the wall, he began to hallucinate, convinced that Abraham Lincoln was attempting to, as Mr. Dumpty put it, "Touch me in my personal places."

Due to Dumpty's unusual body shape and his weight, he very quickly lost his balance and fell from the wall, and sustained multiple fractures (See attachment 1B).

A citizen that witnessed the fall called 911, and a team of volunteer stretcher-bearers were dispatched. For reasons yet explained, the men all were on horses.

Dumpty suffered further injuries as the men, with limited medical training (they could apply bandages to wounds), and the horses, who also had no medical training, tried to set the fractures. Further damage was caused by the horses as they repeatedly kicked Dumpty in the groin area.

An ambulance was dispatched and Mr. Dumpty was taken to county hospital, where he is expected to recover.

Lessons learned:
The wall did not have any guardrails. In addition, a large sign had been placed next to the wall saying "Climb Me." Citizens should be discouraged, not encouraged, from climbing the wall. Dumpty was the 150th victim of the year to sustain injury after falling from the wall.

Volunteer medics should be trained in basic first-aid procedures. The Brementown medics were only trained in applying bandages to cuts and bruises.

Lastly, when riding a horse, dismount from the horse before attempting first aid. Also, horses cannot be trained to render basic first aid, and should not be involved when assessing the injuries of any accident victim.

Signed,
John "Faithful" Simmons, Deputy, Brementown County Sheriff's Office