Never been married at 40, did I miss anything?

[Wcross]

I have had the opportunity once or twice over the years but I guess if you don't make your move in the first four or five years women give up or something and move on. Over the years I have watched my married friends go through trials and tribulations with their wives. I don't really care for children all that much so I wouldn't say I missed out on that. Then when I found out you DON'T get sex anytime you want it.... oh boy.

[fjc]

1. Did you miss anything?

Yes. A few more marriages.

[The Zanti Regent]

27. Trust me

One marriage, one divorce and one paternity suit were enough.

I'm 48 and have lived with my girlfriend for the past ten years. Both of us were burned by marriage and divorce, we have no desire to marry, just live together with no kids.

[Faygo Kid]

2. Yeah. Divorce.

Marriage is OK until about 40, then forget it (fun to be young and raise a family). Then, pack it in.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

5. Don't agree

but I didn't get married until later in life. Personally, I find marriage great. Lots of loving, lots of caring, and the ability to be with someone who shares my heart and soul for most of the time every day.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

3. Don't think so

I was very picky about finding my spouse, and didn't marry until I was 38. I feel this was better, personally, than marrying for the wrong reasons and then regretting it.

[trof]

4. Diapers.

Lots of diapers. Real ones that you had to wash.
Buying Kotex at the grocery store. I had to grit my teeth the first time. Later, it was just part of the deal.

You always have somebody to talk to.
And a warm body next to you in bed.
Good meals if she likes to cook.
Oh, and sex.
You find out it gets lower on the list as the years go by.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

6. But snuggling goes up

as do heart to heart talks.

[trof]

12. true story:

I stayed in a hotel in Germany that made the beds with only a bottom sheet and a down comforter on top. Very comfy, and bed making is literally a snap. The comforter is in a duvet so you can wash the cover.

I brought the idea home and improved upon it.
Instead of a king-sized comforter and 'cover-stealing', why not 2 twin-sized and everybody stays warm?
"You don't love me."
"Yes I do! What makes you say that?"
"You don't want to sleep under the same covers with me."
Aw jeez.
So I STILL wake up with all the covers on her side.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

15. Two queen size quilts

One for him, one for me. I don't care when he has all the covers in the morning, and I know he loves me 'cause we tell each other several times a day. (Mushy but true)

[trof]

19. You can't say it too many times.

And you never get tired of hearing it.
MUSH!

[Kellanved]

41. that's actually how beds usually are made in Germany

Some hotels offer "French" beds as an option.

[demsrule4life]

7. Sex?

What is sex?

[NightTrain]

30. I think it's the number between 5 and 7.

:shrug:

[alwynsw]

37. You know!

That thing that happens when you leave the Gungeon for some fresh air.

[shanti]

18. "You find out it gets lower on the list as the years go by"

yep, what's more satisfying is having someone to cuddle with, but that's just me...

[trof]

21. More hugs in the kitchen.

I wonder why that is?
;-)

[BiggJawn]

34. Because sex has not dropped lower on HIS list...

And he's curious about this "Stovetop Stuffing" he's heard about on TV....
:evilgrin:

[CatWoman]

8. I'm 47, and I've never been married............

[Skittles]

50. 46 and ditto

except for missing out on tormenting one guy for a really extended period of time, no, I don't think I have missed out.

[catzies]

54. 41 and never married either. Single parent of only child though.

And she's all grown up and out of the house -- which I bought, myself, for myself.

So, if I was going to marry someone who cared for me, provided for me, looked out for me, I would have to marry myself. For now though, I'm just engaged to msyelf. I have a ring I bought myself to prove it too. ;)

[dfong63]

9. wrong question

don't waste time thinking about what you might have missed in the past; instead think about how to make the most of the rest of your life. marriage can be a wonderful thing. if you're lucky enough to find the right partner, go after her. don't listen to the cynics who only talk about the downside. there's a downside to everything, ya know. there's a risk to everything. if you believe the cynics' argument, life itself isn't worth living because after all you're going to die, and possibly in a lot of pain. do you believe that argument?

[camero]

10. I like that answer

Even though I'm not too keen on my chances of getting married myself.
People are just too greedy nowadays. But on the one-in-a-million chance that I find the person who believes the same as I do, then I would have no problem getting married.

[Cleita]

11. Now's the best time for you to get married if you are a man.

You're still young enough to raise a family and old enough to be a mature partner in the arrangement. Women, who have that biological time clock ticking away, don't have that luxury.

Although in my humble opinion, marriage is overated, it's best to be married for legal reasons if you intend on raising a family, although I have known married couples who are quite happy without children.

[Lisa]

26. there's always adoption ...

I know a number of women who adopted kids while in their late 30s or 40s -- these days, the likelihood is that you'll be hale and hearty as you watch your kids graduating from college and start collecting Social Security.

My parents didn't have me until they were in their 40s -- this was in the 1960s, so they did get some weird questions (from that I learned to go against "accepted social wisdom"). It's quite normal today.

[JPace]

13. Marriage is all about compromise......

and negotiating. If you like getting
your way all the time (a lot of single
people do) than marriage is probably
not for you.

[rbnyc]

14. If you haven't found the right person, you haven't missed anything.

Personally, I love being married. But, I love my husband, and he's amazing and the right person for me. I know a lot of couples, but not many like us. I think we've got something pretty rare and special.


Marriage has not dome any damage to our sex life either, in fact, I think we do it even more often.

;-)

[Lisa0825]

16. It all depends on what makes YOU happy.

If you don't really want kids, and don't feel lonely living alone, and you are happy with the way your life is, then I would say you aren't missing anything.

I am 35, and I have been divorced for 7 years. I was with my ex a total of 10 years, 4 of them married. as much as I can look back and think we were totally wrong for each other, I still miss sleeping next to someone, always having someone I could depend on, having a standing movie partner, someone to eat dinner with (other than the TV), etc. I still miss the companionship, even though I don't miss the man.

But if those kinds of things aren't thinkgs you desire, and you are content, then good for you.

I doubt I'll ever get married again. The only way I WOULD get married would be if I planned to have children. Since the clock is ticking on that one, I'm not counting on it. I've just gotta learn how to be more content with what I have. If you have that, you are pretty lucky.

[shanti]

17. first 4-5 years??

good grief, man, you are supposed to have made your mind up on this one by the second year at least. so what were you waiting for that you didn't see earlier? most women, especially if they're older, just don't have time to wait 4-5 years for a man to decide if he's in love with her.

[Wcross]

28. You don't want to rush into anything, right? n/t

[shanti]

39. i hardly call waiting 2 years

rushing into anything...especially when you are 40+

[ringmastery]

20. sex

One of the reasons to get married is for the sex.

There can be many, many months or possibly years of dry-spells for someone who is single and not in a relationship.

Also, safety. It's nice not wearing protection all the time and worrying if your partner will give you AIDS or a STD.

Of course, she could always cheat on you and give you a disease that way so it's not guaranteed...

[BiggJawn]

35. You obviously have never been married.

That old joke about the bride waking up the day after and saying "There! That takes care of THAT part of the marriage!" ain't a joke.

There can be many, many months of a dry spekll for somebody IN a relationship, too.

But hey, what the furk do *I* know? I only been burned twice....

[Nikia]

36. We have sex often

We've been married three years. I suppose it depends on the attitude of the people involved. Most unmarried people, especially those who are older, do not have inhabititions about having sex in a relationship if they are not married. I suppose that you can get the same thing without the paper. If you are with someone who wants to marry though and you string them along for a few years, they may start to feel used.

[populistmom]

40. Not necessarily!

I've been married almost 13 years and I even have some pretty serious issues with my husband at times, but no sex? :wow: Not every woman is able to give it up that easily. Then again, I'm not every woman. :7

[demsrule4life]

43. In June

be hitting 30 years married. I know what I talk about. :)

[DemoTex]

22. Wcross asks: "Did I miss anything?" DemoTex sez: "Maybe, maybe not."

Had I not married Mrs. DemoTex 30 years ago, I would have missed out on the best part of my life. Would it have worked (for me) with someone else? Maybe, maybe not. Would it have worked to remain single? Probably not. I had too many bad habits that needed mitigation. However, as time goes by, I realize more and more what a wonderful person she is and how extraordinarily lucky I am to have ever married her.

I wish I could post the digital picture that was taken of us last week on a waterfall hike in our beloved mountains. Even the cheap digital camera captured the life and love and beauty in her eyes. She is one of a kind, who's life has touched more people in this country than I (or you) can imagine. I wish I could tell you more without compromising her need for anonymity. Anyway, as you might can tell, I am a happy guy.

Mac

[TrogL]

23. NO!!!!!

The kid thing is pretty much it and if you're not into that and happy enough in your own company, don't put yourself through the torture.

[Ellen Forradalom]

24. Lots of interaction.

If you like your peace and quiet, stay single. If you like constant banter and bickering, marriage is the ticket.

[Lisa]

25. my boss got married for the first time at age 52 ...

That was about 5 years ago, and she seems pretty happy.

So I guess if one wants to get married, one shouldn't ever give up, eh? Especially with people living longer these days, and the "stages in life" tending to come later and later. (People used to think 50 was old -- not anymore!)

I am 37 and haven't ever been hitched ... I've had a couple of earlier relationships, but I'm not seeing anyone at present. Sure, there are times when I get lonely, but I talk to my married friends and they say they have difficult moments too.

I guess the thing is, one shouldn't view being married or being single as necessarily superior to anything else. It's probably like having siblings vs. being an only child ... that's the way things are, and if one has a fulfilling life and other means of companionship -- I have 5 or 6 very close friends, both men and women, who are a kind of mutual support network -- being without a spouse shouldn't be a handicap.

And in the 21st century, one would hope that there wouldn't be economic/social repercussions if a woman decides not to get married. I would choose my present state over 100 years ago, when I might have been obliged to find someone to "support me" ... unless I were a wealthy heiress or something.

Re: "making your move" -- my folks knew each other and dated for about 9 years before they got married -- they just celebrated their 40th anniversary.

[populistmom]

29. I think that if you don't want kids, why get married?

After all, it is just one of those piece of paper things which is essentially a contract to the government about your personal relationship. It doesn't make much sense really. However, as far as insurance (especially health insurance), taxes, and other legal mumbo jumbo goes, marriage makes things somewhst simpler when you have children, more practical anyway, but if you love someone and no children are planned, its not a necessity IMHO.

[Baclava]

31. Nope - you're normal

I lost two houses and several vehicles due to pheromome imbalances...
Consider yourself lucky enough to be able to afford free internet porn and trips to Moscow for Russian Bride hook-ups if you so desire....enjoy...

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

32. God, I hope not.

I'm 25 and, thanks to some severe self-esteem issues, have yet to even attempt anything resembling a relationship. If you can start late, maybe there's hope for me.

[leftofthedial]

33. for the first 18 years of my marriage

(I'm a few years older than you) I would have said you missed the greatest thing that could happen to someone.

Since then, my opinion has changed 180 degrees.

I do like children. I wouldn't have missed that for the world. That's the biggest thing you missed. But if you really don't like kids, then I'd say rock on!

[beawr]

38. Just Look at it this way

You merely skipped your first marriage.

[greendog]

42. nobody misses anything...

...I'm 45, never married and many of my married friends envy my freedom. For some reason my life of grubby travel, shitty jobs, and infrequent art making is appealing to people who have been strapped into the yoke of middle-class responsibility.

What ever you don't have is replaced with "something else"....often that "something else" is better than what you think you've missed.

[Wcross]

56. Ya ever notice....

Married people ask when your gonna get married? I guess they can't handle the fact that I am free! One buddy of mine can't go out with me alone- his wife won't let him around me unsupervised for more than an hour or so.

[gator_in_Ontario]

44. If I hadn't

met my wife, I probably never would have gotten married. But when you and your best friend can connect sexually...that is perfection!
Nowhere else I'd rather be, no-one else I'd rather spend time with.

[trigz]

45. Reading many of these replies makes me feel

ridiculously lucky. Am I the only one who can say hand on heart that meeting my wife and getting married was the single best thing that has ever happened to me? For my own part, I'm completely happy, give or take the odd bickering and banter. That just goes with the territory; I certainly cannot imagine being happy without my wife, and that's the simple truth.

Edit: I am 27 years old, btw :)

[Venomous_Rhetoric]

46. it's a good thing

If you find the right person.

I was married at 20. I'm 44 now, still with the same old hag.
Raised a couple kids, and now just we are coasting along. We never fight, always talk, and just plain get along great. We've learned to read each others minds practically. And still have sex once in a while.
Life always changes, always has challenges and its good to have that one special friend to go through it with.

[trigz]

49. That's so nice to hear

And you're right, of course. I can imagine that a number of the horrors I've mistakenly been in relationships with earlier would've made my reply to this thread just another bitter and twisted one, but I found ms. Right. Marriage? It just felt like the most natural thing of the world, and that's coming from a man who didn't at all believe in the importance of marriage, earlier.

There's clearly a lot of bitterness in the replies in this thread, though. Which is sad to read.

[RebelOne]

47. You've only missed being miserable.

[LWolf]

48. Sure you did.

You missed regular sex.
You missed compromising to accomodate other interests, schedules, and needs.
You missed accomodating the in-laws. I had one great set, one nightmare set.
You missed knowing that you weren't going it alone, that if you needed something, someone was there for you.

You also missed spending years of your life building a life "together," only to have it dissolve when the SO moves on.

You missed the delightful boost to self-esteem gotten when your SO cheats.

You missed losing your home, many friends, half your family, and watching the life you thought you had go down the drain when it was over.

You missed realizing that you couldn't take those years back. There are no "do overs" when it comes to the amount of your life you invested in the marriage.


Count yourself lucky. I've been married twice; once for 10 years, once for 12. If there were do-overs, I never would have married.

[ewagner]

51. Some observations

First, I wouldn't have missed watching my son grow up for anything. It was the greatest experience of my life.

Second, sex is wwaaaayyyyy down the list of important things after so mny years of marriage.

Third, there is a certain comfort level in the routine and predictability of having a partner for so many years. Trust that there will be no surprises/disasters is pretty important.

I went through several relationships before I got married. It seemed like there was a drama-a-day in each of those. There's something to be said for stability. If sex is the price you pay for it....well...that's life, I guess.

[tigereye]

52. well if you didn't encounter the person you wanted to marry,

maybe not. My husband is really my soul mate. We met in college, lived together for many years and then got married. Both were and are fine. It is not always easy -but often it is :)- and there is something to be said for that kind of long term relationship. I feel very lucky that my husband is kind, funny, a good father, and shares many values with me. Sure we have our disagreements and living in close proximity to someone and sharing both fun and responsiblity is not a game. I also think sex gets better over time, maybe somewhat less frequent, but the quality is there. But for me, marriage is basically a cool thing, and I don't think you ever know someone so well as someone you live with and marry. JMO.

[bobthedrummer]

53. You'll never know what you missed.

No one can say what you might have had.

[Beaker]

55. married with no kids is a great way to go.

we love it.