Do you consider yourself married if

[GURUving]

you have been living with someone for the past 6 years? There's no expectation of there ever being a wedding (been there, done that, fugetaboutit).

Are you the same as being married, or do you see a difference other than the lack of a piece of paper?

[madrchsod]

1. not really

my wife and i lived together for over 7 years before we got married. really not alot of difference

[rogerashton]

2. "Common Law marriage."

Pretty common, too.

[forgethell]

17. Common law marriage

can occur in only a few states. alabama is one of them. And don't joke about, if you are married by common law, you ARE married, and what's more, you are married in EVERY state in the union. You will require a divorce just like if you were married in church.

common law marriage is NOT the same as shacking up.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

3. It depends

on your definition of marriage and whether or not you value it. To me, my spouse is the most sacred trust given to me by God. We share everything, body, heart, and soul. I am a fuller human being having known this wonderful person who I have known for 14 years.

If your feelings are similar to mine, then you are the same as being married.

[GURUving]

5. Ya didn't eat'em didja?

just kidding. I feel the same way, but wonder how others feel regarding the piece of paper. Does it cause more hesitation when considering making move? I am happy, but know there must be some difference.

Also, I was hoping to hear from the same-sex couples that feel long term love for each other.

:)

[izzie]

13. Well I can not help you sorry. I guess it is in your heart.

n/t

[Rabrrrrrr]

4. If you want to consider yourself married, then go ahead

if you don't, then don't.

In this case, I think it's about self-definition.

As far as I'm concerned, if you're committed to each other, then that's enough.

I know many people who live together who have a far better "marriage" then people who have had the wedding ceremony and have the paper.

And there are those who live together whose relationships are not healthy and "marriage"-like.

I don't think the ceremony adds any "magic" to the relationship - I consider people married the day they decide to get married; the wedding ceremony is a nice public declaration of love and a chance for the community to offer their commitment of support and love, but if the relationship isn't good, a wedding ceremony isn't gonna change a thing, and if the relationship is healthy, the lack of a ceremony isn't gonna change a thing, either.

[beyurslf]

6. I would consider that married.

However, there can be legal differences. You are not eligible for each other's social security benefits. Without a will or power of attorney, you can not make life and death decisions for each other. My sister in laws step father had a stroke a couple of months ago. Her parents had never married. Even though they had been together for 25 years, her mother had to wait until the daughter arrived to make any decisions with the doctors. She can't draw his social security even though he was the sole money earner in the family. His assets that did not have her name on them will not automatically transfer to her. His family, of course, considers her the heir and would not fight it. They could though if they chose to.

(This is why "marriage" or the rights of marriage matter to queers.)

[Lady Freedom]

7. Marriage has nothing to do with a piece of paper!

It is a blending of souls. it does not matter how long you have known each other or how long you have lived with them. If you feel as if feel as if you and this person is part of a whole and that without them you are not whole then you are married.

[GURUving]

8. I was born into this world alone, and therefore whole

and will exit the same way.

Anything in between is only given meaning as I choose to give it. So, it's my choice?

[Lady Freedom]

10. Let me ask you this...

And please think hard on this. Lets say the other person went out for something and was gone longer than they should and then there is a knock on the door. You find out that they were in an accident and was dead. Dose this scenario feel you with dread? Does it scare you? Does the thought of losing this person something that you hate thinking about?

[GURUving]

12. I would have the same reaction with many people

in my family and friends. Even pets.

So.............

there must be something else you're considering.

[Lady Freedom]

14. Marriage is not just living together and being friends.

There is more to it. Love and friendship is just part of it. If the other person had a bad heart and the only heart that could replace it was yours what would you do?

[GURUving]

15. probably have a heart attack

I don't expect that to be expected of me!

:) peace

[HuckleB]

9. That's really depends on the specifics of the individual relationship.

I've known a variety of commitment in such relationships. There is no simple yes or no answer.

[SheilaT]

11. What beyurself said.

The lack of the piece of paper will matter enormously if you are together a long time and one of you dies. A good will can make a difference, but you'll never be eligible for social security or pension benefits. And if the other family doesn't like you, you'll be up the creek if your partner dies without any legal protections in place.

I know a couple who've been together for a good twenty years, never married, and three days ago he had a heart attack and died. I don't know a lot of details such as why they never married, but I do understand they'd begun thinking about legal things like a will, but now it's too late.

Of course we should all have wills, regardless of our marital status, but people who airily dismiss marriage as being a useless piece of paper need to educate themselves about the very real consequences of foregoing that piece of paper.

Once more, it's why gays and lesbians want and deserve the legal protections of marriage.

[GURUving]

18. excellent point

thanks for posting that

[no_hypocrisy]

16. Consider yourself "married" if legal rights can be enforced in case of

death of either partner or you split up and someone wants property or money.

Spritually, I'd say you could feel married if you both made a commitment and live it instead of taking it for granted. I've seen legally married people live as brother and sister and I've seen unmarried couples with an admirable kind of devotion to one another.