How do we answer our 4-year-old's questions about sex?

[TXlib]

Our 4-year-old daughter asked KCDem this morning:

"Mommy, how do babies get into your tummy?"

My wife answered:

"Well, Daddy put it there."

Daughter:

"How did Daddy put it there?"

Wife:

"Why don't you ask Daddy when he gets home?"

Fortunately, my wife warned me this morning of the question my daughter will likely ask when I get home, and if she does, I have little hope of distracting her with something shiny.

We both believe in answering the question asked truthfully, and only the question asked, in an age-appropriate manner.

What is an age (and gender) appropriate way to answer her question?

Part of her motivation in asking is she may be afraid that pregnancy is similar to an infectious disease, and she can "catch" it.

[proud patriot]

1. I would answer a special magical hug

:shrug: Seems to be the most age appropriate answer .

on edit: I'm a former preschool teacher ..

[dolo amber]

2. Try something shiny

Until you can get this:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0818402539/104-2356728-4187962?v=glance

This is where I (and my sibs) learned. I also used it with my oldest daughter and plan to with the other one when the subject comes up. It's very matter-of-fact, yet sweet and humorous at the same time. And the pictures are great. :D

Good Luck! :hi:

[regnaD kciN]

19. Opinions differ on that book...

My wife got it a couple of years ago (in case our daughter started asking those questions at about the same time in her life), but we wound up returning it after both of us reviewed it. While it certainly got the facts right, we didn't like its somewhat snickering tone.

[Ernesto]

try the truth, amazing how it works

My wife is an OBGYN nurse that has, from early on, explained things as they are. By 5 years of age, my son knew he came from out of my penis... Big deal. Open & candid disscussion has done a fine job for my family. I just wish my parent could have been so honest for me.

[Pobeka]

6. I got the job of explaining it to my 4 year old.

My wife was gone, and I was in charge of the kids. My 4 year old daughter (now 12), was a verrrry persistent little kid and started the inquisition.

So, I just gave her the straight scoop:

"A man's penis will get hard when he likes being near a woman, and he puts it in a womans vagina. Both the man and the woman enjoy the experience a lot. Sperm eventually come out of the penis, and some sperm find the egg in the woman and fertilize it. The egg starts to grow into a baby, and the baby eventually comes out the vagina in 9 months."

That's probably very close to the way I explained it. I didn't have time to get worked up about it, and it was painless.

Daughter's response was something like, "Oh. OK.", and we were on to the next topic, whatever it happened to be. To her (and most 4 year olds I'll bet), it's just as innocuous as explaining how a seed turns into a flower, how does the mail get delivered.

In hindsight, I'd much rather explain it to a 4 year old. Glad I did!

[TXlib]

21. I stated we are fans of the truth.

We just want to know how much detail is appropriate for a 4-year-old.

[BigMcLargehuge]

3. puppet show

but seriously, try looking into kids books about the subject, or you can do what my parents did and lie.

[corporatewhore]

7. Actually thats sorta how i learned about sex any way

My brother went to his friends house and so did i when i was about 7 or 8 and hung out with his brothers sister and we played barbies and she made ken and barbie have sex

[DuctapeFatwa]

4. Truthfully. If she is old enough to ask, she is old enough to know

Tell her the biological facts, in simple but correct terms.

Unless you would prefer that she learn it from someone else.

[TXlib]

20. Did you not read my initial post?

We already said our goal is to answer such questions truthfully. My question was NOT whether I should lie, but how much detail to go into.

[Kamika]

5. Buy a really expensive toy

And then hope she forgot all about it

[geniph]

8. That's sure a lot easier with a farm kid

"you know what the rooster does with the hens? Well, Daddy kind of did that."

My own mother answered by telling me she didn't know. Now, I was the last of her 15 pregnancies, so you'd think she'd have figured it out by then, but given the state of sex ed in those days, she actually didn't know anything but the very basics. Which, by the way, is all a 4-year-old needs to know - that men have penises, which sometimes make babies grow in women. You don't have to get clinical, most 4-year-olds are only tangentially interested. The mechanics of it don't have to be covered in detail, just that men and women have different parts which fit together to make babies when they like each other and want to make one. You can explain that she's not grown up enough to make babies yet if she's worried about catching one.

[Kamika]

9. thats not the worstthing!

what is she decides she WANTS one???

[stevedeshazer]

11. *ding*

I was a farm kid too. My dad was an artificial inseminator. I can't remember ever not knowing.

Just tell the truth. She'll be better for it.

[Ellen Forradalom]

16. Your dad's occupation

reminds me of a Tom Lehrer joke: "he went off to college where he majored in animal husbandry, until they caught him at it one day."

[Ellen Forradalom]

10. Geez, my four-year-old doesn't care at all.

Never asked, and doesn't care if I ask if he wants to know where babies come from.

Go figure.

[KG]

12. ahh, the joys of a child-less life

:)

[Pobeka]

13. So, apparently you never got the speach?

Go read my post above if you need to know how it's done ;)

[Lydia Leftcoast]

14. Before my brothers were born

my parents told me that "babies grow inside their mothers." No mention of the father's role.

That sounded reasonable, so I just assumed that babies started growing spontaneously and didn't consider the matter any further.

At the age of eight or nine (this would have been in the late 1950s), I happened to pick up a copy of some magazine while we were visiting a relative's house, and it contained an article called "Illegitimate Teenager Pregnancies: Why Do They Happen?"

The article gave a series of case studies, but it was completely mum on how the various girls had gotten pregnant, so I was still able to believe that certain hapless teenage girls just found themselves pregnant all of a sudden for no reason.

It wasn't until we had the "girls only" session about menstruation in school in fifth grade that I learned "the rest of the story."

[Ellen Forradalom]

15. My mother gave me a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves when I was 9

I read it cover-to-cover, and we had a few Q&A sessions after that. Pretty thorough introduction to the topic.

[JCMach1]

17. Give her a hug and the Discovery channel...

Seriously though... be as open and honest as you feel comfortable being.

[gate of the sun]

18. Just tell the truth as casually as you can

there is nothing wrong with the truth of it. Our conditioning makes us hesitant, it's normal ,it's natural. I have had 5 children. When my 12 year old son asked me what an orgasm was like I told him the best I could. Believe me it wasn't easy as no one had ever told me. I tried to be as honest and clear as I could. Sex is sex there is nothing wrong with it and it won't harm a child to tell them the truth. I think more harm could come from keeping it from them like it is "something" that should be hidden. Relax enjoy and be free with your child.

[DS1]

22. A combination of PowerPoint and The Hun dot net?

:evilgrin:

[emad]

23. Same way millions of American parents had to when asked

What's aural sex daddy? during the Clinton/Lewinsky business......

[populistmom]

24. Been through this 3 times

Wait until you have a 4th or 5th grader who asks "What does suck mean anyway?" when you tell them not to go around saying "it sucks". Just answers questions as they come about. There's a few children's books too that can be helpful. I went though a thing last year with my now 5 year old son who kept asking what a vagina looked like, so I had to find him a little kid's sex ed. book that had a cartoon type drawing of a naked female (later he became rather obsessed with an anatomy book). I would say it gets easier, but it doesn't really. Before you know it, you'll be bra shopping. (Thank goodness I only have one daughter.)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

25. 2 Hamsters, one male, one female...

a trip to the zoo in late fall/early spring...making a point of noticing and commenting on the dogs that were humping in the park...Animal Planet shows...These are all great young-people's intros to sex. There are also a number of well-written kids books that are easy to share with your children.

What's most important at your daughter's age, I think, is not giving them more info than they ask for.

I vividly remember asking my mom at age 4 or so, "Where do babies come from?" She responded by breaking out anatomical charts and lecturing me in a majorly stressed out fashion..."Now repeat after me...men-stru-A-tion!"...when all I really needed to hear was "From their mommies' tummies."

I was too bored to listen to her; and when I was older, and really wanted to know the intimate details, she got all stressed out again, and answered, "WHAT?!?! I told you about all that AGES ago!"
Must've been her Calvinist upbringing...